If You Could Say Anything To Customers

If an annoying customer was standing in front of you, what would you say if you could say anything without getting in trouble?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66nSZzBNkTU

 

Great Chevy Chase classic.

 

What are you... a fucking moron!

 

Whew-wee, you certainly laid into that customer.

 

I actually saw a seller at a flea market say that to a potential buyer... Of course, it was justified. The guy was a moron.

 

Stop being so goddamn entitled.

Thats what I wanted to say every day of my life during the years I worked customer service. I dunno who started the whole "the customer is always right" thing but its bullshit

 

It is only natural to want to be honest to a rude or annoying customer, especially since the customer has come to expect to be treated differently in a retail situation than s/he would have any justification in supporting outside of that retail situation.

The mantra of "the customer is always right" probably arose from wanting to keep the customer returning no matter what, which logically makes no sense if the customer is rude or annoying. The retail business should not want to associate itself with rudeness to the point where the employee must accept the abuse from the customer, but unfortunately that is the times in which we live.

 

i think "i'm fucking sorry, asshole" was probably the most directly aggressive thing i've said to a customer. i was usually able to be more subtle in my customer shaming days.

now i'm older and less directly involved in customer service, so i'm usually able to actually act nice even to the morons.

 

Yes, constant direct contact with them does seem to be the prerequisite for losing one's cool with them.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FL7yD-0pqZg

 

I work in a call center (2 1/2 more years til retirement, hang in there!) and I would love to be allowed to tell the customer, "Shut up and listen!"

 

I used to work in a camera shop. We had this guy who would drop off photos of Greyhound dogs having sex. I'm like "Okay sir, whatever turns you on..."

 

LOL

 

If the harshest thing you can think to say is "shut up and listen", I think perhaps you've become desensitized to the customers. You'll make it to retirement just fine.

 

It's not the harshest thing, but it is the one thing I'd like to say most.

The call center I work at gives technical support for cellphone users. I'd like to say things like,

You're not smart enough to use a smart phone.

Perhaps you should consider sticking to using a landline.

Better yet try tin cans and string.

But "shut up and listen" covers the situation most often.

 

I specifically look for jobs that I don't have to associate with the customers for the reason that I don't want to bite my tongue all the time.

 

I got in big trouble for this one. I lived in a US/Canada border town. We had this one particular Canadian that came into our store quite often and I couldn’t stand the guy. He payed in Canadian Currency, I gave him change in US cash. He said to me “all your money is the same color, how can you tell the bills apart?” Well, this came out, “We know how to read numbers.”

 

I can think of 2 examples that were very funny.

The first was the extrovertly gay guy who had been tying on some pants at a trendy store. He came out of the changing room and complained to the cashier (and the entire shop) that a pin had been left in the pants. The cashier looked up and replied "I would have thought that you are used to having a prick up your ass".
The poor girl ended up getting fired.

The second example needs some explanation.

When a customer buys a single seat at a theater, it will mostly be a single seat left in a row where the others have been sold.
Therefore when 2 customers are paying for their own tickets, they will not be together.
It is normal for a busy box office cashier to ask customers buying a single ticket if they require a pair of seats. (in order to sit next to their friend)
Selling tickets on the doors of a busy theater is a highly skilled job, having to sell several hundred tickets in 45 minutes, so the cashier is concentrating on the seating plan, rather than looking up at the customer.

On the evening in question, after asking the customer, their was no reply. She repeated the question and after a short silence, a voice bellowed at her, "I suppose that you think that you are being funny".

When she looked up, the guy at the window must have weighed every bit of 25 stone.

 

Im sorry I dont know where your container is, maybe it fell off the train going over a bridge somewhere.

Im sorry your shipment is late, maybe you shouldve ordered it sooner.

Im sorry having trouble finding your container, its painted orange like all the others, maybe you should paint it like rainbow colors so we can find it easier!