Sexual Frustration Vs. Separation/divorce

For the first time in a long while she went out yesterday. She went for a drink (wine) with her colleagues. She never goes out, maybe once every five years. I was joking around how I will use her when she gets home drunk. Once the kids fell asleep she started getting changed in front of me, obviously making me want to jump on her, but she said to wait until she gets home. I was hoping she's a bit drunk by that time and I get a chance to eat her out for at least an hour or two like I never could before while she's sleeping there unconscious - the feast of a lifetime with her not objecting - no harm done, right? Or is this sick? I'm sure there are some that would say it is, while others would acknowledge such desires and fantasies as the most natural things in the world.

Well, she gets home, indeed a bit drunk after a glass and a half. Perfect timing, the little one had just awaken for her nighttime titty snack. (She's 2 and still nursing.) I leave them to it and check back about 10 minutes later. They're both lying on the bed, so feeding time over. However my wife is not sleeping yet, and as I want try to pull off her pants after some smalltalk she objects and won't let me. I don't understand and expect an explanation. At first she says she doesn't want to do it while not being herself. A few minutes later her story changes to her not feeling well, her tummy aching. Whatever. I ask her to just lie on her back. She won't let me touch her. She says she needs a bit of sleep. So I check back a few hours later, asking if she had some good sleep yet, she says yes. Will she now turn to lie on her back? Of course not. Just more excuses. Of course she can get up to breastfeed 2-3 times at night no problem, no matter tummy aches, headaches, and whatever aches. Getting up from sleep is no problem, lying on her back sleeping apparently is.

The next day she wakes up and explains how upset she is with me trying to wake her up "1000 times" during the night. It turns into a heated argument and I will not go into the exact details but again it ends with her suggesting me leaving and divorce etc. as usual. Eventually she bursts out crying that nothing is good enough for me, nothing she ever does is good enough, (She still hasn't tried daily BJs) and what is it that I want anyway (of course she knows, and she can, she just won't because she doesn't want to). I'm thinking if I told her all this, she would start talking about both of us starting to work our asses off to get a stupid mortgage, as if she had been giving BJs while I was working all those years, or as if wives start giving daily BJs as soon as they move into their own house (that they get used to having and take for granted very soon afterwards). I'd be stupid to believe that and make radical changes, it would result in a catastrophy, not just financial.

She comes back later to tell me I have 3 days to decide what I want and should leave if she's no good. My reply is instant and needs no thinking. It's that we're together for the kids, I spend time with them, playing, giving them the discipline they need in life, and she cooks to nurture them. After all, she's the one that wanted to play family, I didn't want kids and I never wanted our lives to be like this. What does she even mean what do I want, and nothing makes me happy? Why would she want me to be happy all of a sudden anyway? What is she talking about? Of course she can't say anything to that.

So what was that all about? I have no idea. What I do know is that I no longer enjoy sex with her and I do not feel I want to be with her. But I do have the need for physical release, and I am still addicted to giving oral pleasuring, and I'm aware of that. So what, I'm still human, and a male at that, what more explanation does than need? And I haven't even cheated on her! That's the part that's actually funny, come to think of it. Actually I have been looking for a relationship, but it's hard to find a spiritual companion who is also a nympho. I mean, who wants to meditate one minute and do 69 the next? Apart from me, that is. Yes, it does sound hopeless doesn't it? But if I found someone like that I do not think I would want to impose my demanding self on her any more to be the burden in her life that I apparently am. I would like to be there for the kids of course, but they've got her and the grandparents so they could go back home and get used to not having me around. Wouldn't it be better for everyone on the long run? I think it would be. But until then it seems logical that staying makes the most sense, even if it's not really that good for either of us. The kids of course love having me as dad, and that's all good. But that's about it.

So that's the latest in a nutshell. Even days before now I have been feeling the pressure of catalyst around me trying to push me to take the next (r)evolutionary step along whatever path I have set before me, and it is bound to cause discomfort as it usually does, I guess that's the idea, or at least that's how it works with most of us. I am curious to see how things are going to play out in the near future but I would venture to say that some radical change is inevitably around the corner. Where that takes us remains to be seen. I will keep praying for a peaceful life with whomever, and a life in harmony and hopefully Love/Light, if that's not too much to ask. What are your thought, do you know anyone who is or has been in a similar situation?

 

Jesus wept!

Moderator.......?

Simon :-(

 

Good read. OP pulled a Lena Dunham on his wife while his kids slept in the next room.

In all seriousness, I hope I'm not around when this guy finally loses it.

 

After reading the ops post, I don't think his situation will change. HERS, however, WILL once divorce papers are served. This is my own opinion, and I hope for his sake I'm wrong. I've never seen this behavior change without major incentive and, once the offending party believes the coast is clear, the offending behavior will re-emerge and continue with him until a divorce is final. Then, and only then, when she is once again on the prowl, will her sex drive re-emerge. There is something pathological about this type of behavior, although I'm not certain of what the exact nature of it is. I'm only certain that I've seen and heard about it far too often. I call it "Bait & Switch". I believe it stems from a basic lack of regard, or respect, for others; in this case, her man. A psychologist may have another name for it, however, and it might serve the op well to research it online, as there is an abundance of information available these days, although I can't verify all, or even part of it. One is generally on their own navigating such waters.

 

Your situation may not be hopeless. I recommend tantric sex and Karezza.

 

That's 90 minutes of my life I'd like to get back.

 

. I use that quote all the time

 

Fortunately i rarely have to. And no it didn't really take me the full 90 minutes to read. I was also dealing with another issue at the same time, but neither was productive. But it took well more than an hour. It reads much more like War and Peace than Green Eggs and Ham (one of my all time favorites).

 

Just spend your time reading this entire thread and you will fall asleep the moment that you fall into bed tonight.
Problem solved.

On a more serious note.
You need to look at your entire relationship before you make any rash decisions. Are you happy with your wife during the day, do you have a family, does she spend time looking after the house and cooking.
Sexual compatibility is fine, but their are other equally important factors.

Regarding the sexual issues, you need to talk in order to establish what went wrong. Does she feel inadequate, is their a medical condition, such as low hormone level.
It is also possible that she thinks that you are the one useless in bed.
Only communication will resolve your issues.