Good, Giving And Game (Within Reason)

I've adored this concept since I first read about it.
However, I haven't always been that great at taking concept to practice, and I want to change this.

My take on this is
Good= knowledge and awareness. And practice. I strive to have levels above "proficient" in many sexual activities. It also means I can fine-tune for a partner.

Giving= the impulse and actions to make my partner feel good.

Game=willingness to be giving when I'm not 100 percent in the mood; willing to try things.

(Within reason)= here's my struggle. Too many times I've tried something, and it becomes expected.

I currently view within reason to include "occasionally." And I strictly hold that hard limits are real and should be respected. Each person's actual ability comes into play, as well.

My current situation is a new partner, so I'm all hopped up on distorted brain chemistry.
My partner wants to explore a couple items. One is sort of on my radar. It's been done to me by force and a few consensual times that just were bad memories.
The other, well, I'd rather have a root canal without anesthetic, at first blush. But reading about it, in gay and straight contexts, I see some appeal, even as I'm doubtful about my physical ability to participate.

I think I'm game enough to try the first, and I am giving enough to try to be game on the second.
I have a couple activities that he's less than enthusiastic about, but has started the conversation.
(We are organically picking up on things one likes and playing to that strength)

So my question is conceptual.
I'll name the activities later, but I want theory and philosophy, first.

When you and your partner have an activity that one wants far more than the other that is not a "hell, no", how do you handle it?
Outsourcing not an option for me.

 

I have communicated on the one I'm willing to try. I'd like to move beyond the trauma I had with it before.
(And, see the giving section above)

On the one I'm still researching, I simply asked if he had experience.
It was 25 years ago.
I'm pretty sure that I'm too small for what he wants to try, bones would be in the way.

What I've noticed is we have a lot of why questions: why does that appeal?
Those are amazingly intimate discussions, even as they flip from desire to mechanics.

Give me a good reason, and you are halfway there.

 

The size and bones comment wasn't in regard to the thing I'm already willing to try, with him. (We are new as lovers, but not as friends)

It's the "rather have a root canal" one.
Something that has only three threads on HF!

The why comment was how it led to some amazing conversations, both erotic and practical.

And it's interesting going through my own reactions.
It was something I'd heard of, but never even asked to participate.
I compare the proportions of his anatomy and mine, and it looks so doubtful.

 

I'd rather not say in open forum.

 

I think he does understand that it might be less than what he's imagining.

Research I've done suggests that it's common to only "go partway."

 

Long talk tonight.
Going forward, and he said that it doesn't always work, and if so, we will do something else.
Good to know he gets this.

He used the word "trust" a lot tonight. (Two phone calls spanning close to two hours)

I admitted I'd taken proportion reference photos of his hands and wrists, compared to mine, and other points. For science.

Feeling more confident, for sure.
This is a good partner to experiment with.

 

I think you are right.

 

Good words, ashorandy.

I'm open to flexible boundaries. I have limits and I have HARD limits.

But when something is out of left field, well, I might not have fences in that county.
So I'm trying to decide, or rather was trying, since we have decided to go forward, what to weigh when it's not a hell no, or only a meh.