My girl is working on being more "in the moment" during sex, therefore I am supposed to be trying this as well. She worries that I am fantasizing about other things, which I am. I'm just happy she's having sex with me, and I don't really care what she's thinking about. She says she has better orgasms, when she's not really trying to, and is focusing on the present. I'd like to give it a try at least, but I'm not sure if it's possible for a 40 year old male. Typically my mind is all over the place, from trying to maintain and erection, to trying not to cum too soon. I dont know if she understands that there is more pressure on men to physically perform. Do any men have any tips/insight on this? We both have admitted we think about some really fucked up shit during sex, and that we have both been corrupted by porn and other factors. I think our sex life is excellent, but I have obviously made her insecure by telling her some of the things I've thought about during sex.
I'll take a crack at this for you. Who is the dominant one in your relationship? My wife and I are a senior couple and have been married a long time. That said, we feel there is nothing wrong with sexual fantasies. We really enjoy being spontaneous. We don't live on a sex schedule time. My wife does not put pressure on me perform. What I am trying to say is both of you should relax and just let things happen. Sometimes my wife wants a quicky and I pound her good. Sometimes I want a quicky and she pounds me. On other occasions we start date night early in the morning and play with each other all day. We like porn too, but we don't over do it. If we watch porn we only watch armatures or homemade type. We also masturbate together and apart. Are you putting to much pressure on yourself to perform?
The reigning fad in mindful sex is still neo-tantra. Check out Red Hot Tantra The Art of Sexual Ecstasy (Margo Anand)
