Confidence

Discussion in 'Random Thoughts' started by neonspectraltoast, Jul 12, 2017.

  1. I may be way off base here and maybe nobody knows what I'm talking about or gives a damn, but...

    People seem to have a severe lack of confidence...or maybe I'm just projecting. But it's like we're always compensating for other people's judgments...and who the fuck are they really?

    People will accept you to a limit...you have to fit society's standards of how someone like you is allowed to be and if you fit nicely in they'll call that being "confident." In a way you're not allowed to really be confident, though. You can't just tell the blunt truth as you see it without risk of losing everyone you love. And I just want to say that if anybody wants to say "fuck people's judgments" and just tell the blunt truth, here is at least one guy out there who will stand by you. 'Cause I completely see through that shit. When it comes to me, people don't know what the fuck they're talking about. I'm the only one who experiences me, and even I don't know what the fuck it means.
     
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  2. Ged

    Ged Tits and Thigh Man.

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    I always try to be confident but usually back down with assholes if it's going to turn violent.

    I can't always be myself because a lot of straight people don't get my personality so I have to conform to their norms. When I get to know them a bit I slowly let the cat out of the bag.

    I'm often acting just to rub along with people.
     
  3. YouFreeMe

    YouFreeMe Visitor

    Saying "fuck it" in concern to other's judgement is tempting, but challenging. Humans are social animals, and have evolved to survive with the help of others. To completely neglect the opinions of others is not evolutionary advantageous for us. Not sure if this has changed or not, in present day. Just manifests differently, despite the fact that not caring is kind of cool these days.
     
  4. Yeah I know what you guys are saying. I've intentionally put myself out on a limb just assuming I'm safe I guess. I think it would be highly unlikely that there is something in my nature that causes someone to want to hurt me. I'm not gay or anything...plain old straight white male, so maybe it's easy for me to say.

    I don't completely neglect the opinions of others. I just don't consider anyone else the authority on me. I am the authority on me, and my nature is just as valid as anyone else's. I don't get how somebody's nature can be any less valid than anybody else's. I mean...it's nature. It's valid. People are always trying to force me to be like them...to submit to their way of seeing the world. I'm always treated like my opinion doesn't count. And I just can't take it anymore. They can kill me...I'm staying me.
     
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  5. themnax

    themnax Senior Member

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    confidence is generally a trap.
    in moderation it may be useful, even essential,
    but its too easy to be lulled into believing
    the diversity of reality will never intersect with your life,
    with less then predictable results.
     
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  6. guerillabedlam

    guerillabedlam _|=|-|=|_

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    I think confidence is a significantly overrated quality. I suppose confidence is good for human specific activities, say like playing an instrument, sports, business, political endeavors, etc. and maybe other social constructs such as dating, confidence may be deemed desirable but in the larger scheme of things, taking a step back and realizing we are finite beings in these bodies, thrust into an incomprehensibly large cosmos and an incomprehensibly small quantum world, I'm not sure how one musters up confidence.
     
  7. Irminsul

    Irminsul Valkyrie

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    Depends on what you need the confidence for I think.

    If you don't have confidence to socialize and your job is non social then you don't need the confidence to socialize but if you're working a bar or resteraunt then you'll need that confidence not only to work but to earn money too.

    In recreations sports and activities you need confidence. I wouldn't be making my way into the top 100 8ball pool players in Bavaria if I didn't have confidence in what I was doing in fact, having so much confidence tells me I've got the knowledge to perform at my best.

    As far as I'm concerned, and back to sports activities related, but if you don't have confidence and cannot harness confidence then you were born to lose in that respect.
     
  8. I guess confidence is different for me. For me there is no struggle to believe in myself or my abilities. For me the struggle has been being myself. Somehow somewhere along the line I got lost. Not to say everyone doesn't have a hard life, but some of us face severely harsh conditions and our confidence gets ripped apart to the point where we run away, I guess. I feel like I've found myself, though. I just worry when I see people expressing their insecurities. Just wanted to let them know that whatever it is, I for one don't care.

    It's really interesting to me how some people actually have relatively normal lives and never have to question themselves like that. They just go from birth to death being true to themselves like it's nothing. Wouldn't even have a clue what I'm talking about.
     
  9. Irminsul

    Irminsul Valkyrie

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    Being true to yourself can be hard though, like I'm always true to myself but being true to myself can really piss a lot of people off too. I don't want to make enemies or anything like that yet I do all the time just because I'm true to myself and I'll say it like I see it, I've the confidence to do that, I don't care if someone disagrees with me or anything I haven't got time for that, I said it cause I felt it at the time you know?

    It's not easy though knowing you're going to cop a lot of heat just because you've got a different feeling or opinion about something.

    And why does it always seem like, it's the ones with the alternative views are the ones that aren't going to come down hard on you? Like these political folks right, they don't agree with you and you're dirt to them yet alternative individuals like me, someone doesn't agree with me and do you think I really give a flying fuck? I don't care at all, not even interested but I ain't gonna waste energy in an argument. If they believe something different good for them, what's the problem? There is no problem because I'm smart enough to realise and ACCEPT that people are different to me knregards to ALL aspects of their life. They shouldn't feel like I do because they aren't me.

    So while I'll cop the heat and flack and shots fired every direction, just know that, while you're aiming for me, you're really just wasting your time because this person just doesn't care if you agree or disagree with them. Your agenda, opinion, doctrine and lifestyle plays no part in my life whatsoever.
     
  10. BlackBillBlake

    BlackBillBlake resigned HipForums Supporter

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    I agree in some ways. But I'd say 'over confidence' rather that just 'confidence' is the undesirable thing. If you meet a person with acute low self confidence, which is often linked to low self esteem, you can see how it affects them in an adverse way. They seem afraid to assert anything.

    But over assertiveness, or over confidence are also not good. Leads to a kind of overblown egoism in some. I think a kind of happy medium is probably best. We all have strengths we all have limitations. Personally I'm quite confident in some areas of life, less so in others. For instance, I'm more confident when I talk about history, music or art than science or economic theory - because I know more about the former, so less likely to blunder.

    In some situations with some people I tend to keep my ideas to myself, whilst I freely express myself with others. It's not because I lack confidence that I stay quiet, but because of other considerations.Can I really be bothered to assert a view that I know is not going to be accepted, when it won't make much difference either way - often the answer is no. Also there are people in my life - family mainly - who I don't want to upset to no good end by countering their entrenched attitudes.

    Without confidence up to a certain level, and some self belief, I think we're lost. However, modesty is also something which I think is a good and necessary quality. Balance is the key thing.
     
  11. guerillabedlam

    guerillabedlam _|=|-|=|_

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    The adoration of confidence leads to some being "over confident" and while you may draw some arbitrary threshold between confidence and over confidence, where certain levels of confidence suddenly become unappealing to a larger population, still it is often valued in society. Look at our US president, he pretty much ran/runs on confidence, and confidence alone.

    The person(s) with low self confidence must have been confident enough to assert they had low self confidence. :D (Unless of course you are a mind reader, which then must elevate your levels of confidence to a whole other realm)
    So excluding people with disorders, what do you mean they are afraid to assert anything?

    What do you mean lost?

    I mentioned that I think confidence is good in some respects but compared to other qualities, say compassion or empathy, I don't see why there is such a disproportionate emphasis placed on confidence. I doubt society would crumble if there was less emphasis placed on confidence.
     
  12. BlackBillBlake

    BlackBillBlake resigned HipForums Supporter

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    I probably meant people with disorders. Afraid to 'say boo to a goose' as the saying runs. I had a particular person in mind - a relative of mine who is just like that. The lack of self-confidence leads to all kinds of anxieties which usually turn out to be imagined. EG gets a new job, and spends the next month before starting moaning about how he won't be able to do it, won't get on with co-workers etc. Then when he actually does start, no problem. But for that month very tiresome to be around. This person could furnish many other examples, but that's enough here.

    I mean by lost that if we don't have some self belief, we will find it difficult to do things which seem challenging. Nothing more than that. I've found that a certain level of confidence has definitely helped me through some tough situations in the past. But it can degenerate into bravado, which is an exaggerated form of the thing. Perhaps some confuse the two things.

    Perhaps you're right and empathy and compassion are more important. But also a balance of qualities is needed. A kind of basic confidence seems to me to underpin many other things. Even in the mating game it's a necessary thing, and that's an area where you don't have to look far to see how lack of confidence holds people back. Their self esteem being weak, they fear rejection and so often get nowhere. I've noticed that a lot of women like a man who is quietly confident without being an arrogant asshole.

    But it's a complex issue. In the big picture there are may basic things about life that might make one feel anxious and vulnerable. To be able to function effectively at full potential though I think one has to be able to get past that and really just get on with whatever you're agenda might be.
     
  13. Asmodean

    Asmodean Slo motion rider

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    Like a dog without a bone, an actor on a loan...
     
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  14. BlackBillBlake

    BlackBillBlake resigned HipForums Supporter

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    or a long silence on the phone....
     
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  15. Asmodean

    Asmodean Slo motion rider

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    Into this world we're thrown...
     
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  16. BlackBillBlake

    BlackBillBlake resigned HipForums Supporter

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    all some can do is weep and moan...
     
  17. guerillabedlam

    guerillabedlam _|=|-|=|_

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    I didn't say that empathy and compassion are more important and I agree a balance is needed but I'm saying confidence is placed on a pedestal in society, well beyond some of these other qualities.

    The dating example is a prime example of where I think the emphasis we place on confidence is significantly overrated. Although I think you're being disingenuous with that last statement, or perhaps UK and US dating cultures are drastically different. It seems obvious many women are attracted to arrogant assholes, lot of stereotypical sayings and "dating philosophy" to support that notion and with reality television, it's fairly evident for us all to see. Again we need look no further than our President and the beautiful First Lady.

    It just seems like a base instinctual thing and like it's odd to me that by societal standards, you're supposed to show confidence when you don't even know a person yet. :D
     
  18. BlackBillBlake

    BlackBillBlake resigned HipForums Supporter

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    The first lady is merely one of DT's purchases. Money is key there, not character. I'm only speaking from my own experience where dating is concerned, and to be honest it's a while now since I had much interest in that. But I'd stand by what I said.

    I do get what you're saying about confidence being over emphasized. Also that a lot of women end up with arrogant idiots for men. But maybe, just maybe it's partly because their own self esteem is actually low despite putting on a brave face. Even my own ex wife said to me after we'd split up that she thought when we got together that I was 'the best she was going to get'. I'd have to say that in her case she was probably right. There must be other similar cases though where the woman could have done a lot better for themself.
     
  19. Moonglow181

    Moonglow181 Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    Confidence is a quiet thing...not boastful or arrogance,. that is an animal of a different beast.....Confidence is simply believing in oneself......I know that people's judgements can hurt and make one doubt themselves at times....though...but the thing to do is to bounce back in your own belief in yourself.
     
  20. Meliai

    Meliai Banned

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    Pretty sure Melania Trump didn't Marry DT for his confidence

    $$$$$$$$

    Personally I've never found arrogance attractive, if a guy is too loud/arrogant/overconfident/obnoxious I immediately hate him

    But I do think there is something to be said for a quiet confidence. I like people who are comfortable enough in their own skin that they don't feel they have to prove anything to anyone or overcompensate in any way. That's really the difference between being confident and overconfident, isnt it? The need to prove something.

    I guess I'm like that, I am probably not the most obviously confident person in the world because I'm quiet and not the greatest in social situations, but underneath I feel...steely, for lack of a better word. I know myself and I'm very comfortable with myself, and I'm attracted to people who are the same
     

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