Crazy Stuff You Used To Believe As A Kid

I've a laundry list of ridiculous things, like how adults knew what they were doing, or how love conquered all, or that couples stayed together forever, that if you were nice to people, they'd like you, or people would accept you for who you were. That friends forever meant just that, in a kind and benevolent god and heaven and forgiveness, in honor and charity and that there was room in the world for everybody, and that if we all tried, everybody could have 'enough' and be happy. that there was someone out there for me.. a soul mate and best friend and spiritual companion. That if I tried hard enough I could do and be whatever I wanted. That people wouldn't be cruel or mean or spiteful for 'no reason', so if I didn't give them a reason, they wouldn't be. That being a good person mattered in the slightest. That nobody was really worthy of hate, and that there was good in everybody, and anyone could change, or be better, or deserved a second chance.

god damn, I was so totally full of shit.

 

That my parents were ultimately right always, and that adults were a superior entity.

 

I probably believe more shit now in my 30s than I did in my childhood.

 

I believed that my father was Santa Claus. When I was about six year old, I remember waking up in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve, and seeing him put presents under the tree. I thought, "my dad's Santa?"

I was half relieved/half disappointed when I eventually learned that he wasn't.

 

I know right? And they eat the cookies and drink the milk. Like, yo.. Cmon dad. I didn't even get cookie.

 

I used to think that those ceramic porcelain insulators on power lines were birds that became permanently stuck to the wires.

 

This! Except being 47 I probably believe more shit than you.

 

Instead of "nectar" I would say "neck dirt" not even realizing if was wrong...
my parents would laugh and I was so clueless

 

My Dad told me that standing on my head helps get rid of gas pain, because hot air goes up.
So for years after, every time I had bad gass I would do head stands against a wall.

I've tried passing this knowledge on to my childeren, but unfortunately they're smarter than i was at that age.

 

Step on a crack, break your mothers back

 

I believed that politicians were honest.

 

I used to leave out carrots for the reindeer. I figured Santa was sick of milk cookies by the time he got to our house. Probably full too.

I figured no one was thinking about the reindeer.

 

Did you know that the original Santa Claus was Odin? And the 8 reindeer of today represents the 8 legs of of Sleipnir, Odens war horse?

On Christmas after battle the giants, Oden and Sleipnir would come back through villages and the children would feed him milk and carrots outside their door while oden handed out gifts for the children.

Sleipnir was carnivorous horse, and had a red nose, from eating the entrails of the Jotun giants, which is how Rudolph got his red nose.

 

That people weren't all dumbasses

 

That people generally cared about others and weren't selfish, that I'd be married with kids and have an awesome career by my age, that I was straight, that wars happen for a good reason, that life would be easier when I was an adult.

 

that humans were an intelligent life form.

that everyone would still be able to build and live in their own shelter by the time i reached adulthood.

 

When I was a wee lad there were TV commercials advising "aliens" to register with the government. Being a rabid Sci-Fi movie fan you know what I was thinking.

 

Right, right, somebody said alien and she thought they said illegal alien and signed up.

 

I used to believe in flying reindeer. That qualifies.

EDIT: oh.. someone put reindeer. I think I saw it out of the corner of my eye and then thought about it. I definitely believed in Santa Claus.