I Know I Shouldn't, But...

Discussion in 'Free Love' started by TMUK, Apr 27, 2017.

  1. Eric!

    Eric! Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    23,130
    Likes Received:
    26,127
    Oh ok. Wow!
     
  2. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

    Messages:
    30,289
    Likes Received:
    8,560
    And yet he still didnt get the truth
     
  3. Eric!

    Eric! Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    23,130
    Likes Received:
    26,127
    Well, I think he did. He said she wasn't happy with the environment (cleanliness of the room/house), lack of privacy, they both don't feel happy with their appearance and admitted that they wanted to be healthier and more fit. He at least found that out and it's a start. I agree with you that there could possibly be something deeper, and he should pursue it if it surfaces by some chance. He has to trust her that what she says is the issue. I hear you VG, sometimes you won't get the whole truth and people will tell you anything to avoid what the true issue is, but this is what he has to work with now, and they are working on it.
     
  4. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

    Messages:
    30,289
    Likes Received:
    8,560
    They are working on it?

    How long would it take to clean up the room? An hour or two one saturday morning every second month....how long have 'they been working' on that? In their marriage

    Not that cleaning up the room is going go get him sex, with the wife anyway

    But he needs 'honest' communication with the wife to be told that?

    You guys ever like listen to yourselves? FFS.


    Or why doesnt the wife herself clean up the room? Resentful the husband doesnt do it? So what? Its only an hour long job once a month...whats it going to cut heavily into her tv watching / frozen pizza eating schedule?

    Cmon, seriously

    They havent been honest with each other or themselves in a long time


    If I got the wife alone, i'd get to the truth in under 10 minutes...and without her even exactly realizing it. Did she find something left field in his browser history ten years ago, is he too pervy with the daughters friends or sons girlfriends

    Or just simply she doesnt feel sexy anymore and no amount of talking is going to reverse the ageing process
     
  5. Eric!

    Eric! Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    23,130
    Likes Received:
    26,127

    Uh...I don't have answers to ANY of those questions. TMUK, could you please chime in if you're reading this, and answer VG's questions? I don't want to play guessing games and come to any erroneous conclusions.
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

    Messages:
    30,289
    Likes Received:
    8,560
    Hang on a minute, he started the thread because he still doesnt understand whats going on with the wife

    You want him to come back and answer questions he doesnt have the answers to?

    You dont want to play guessing games ? Thats what the OP has been doing



    They have been married at least 20 years, if 'wonderful, honest and effective' communication was going to work, it would have worked 10 years ago. How is it magically going to work now
     
  7. Eric!

    Eric! Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    23,130
    Likes Received:
    26,127
    Hell if I know
     
  8. Jude96

    Jude96 Members

    Messages:
    900
    Likes Received:
    523
    Forgive me if I'm misreading this but... why are you so anti-communication? The passionate and lengthy way you speak of it kind of makes me feel like there's a deeper issue going on with you or your own personal experiences... in any type of relationship communication can play an effective role... ever been part of a sports team? Have to communicate to get shit done...

    ...with regard to "not cleaning up the mess"... if you've ever been in a long term relationship you'll know that it's not that simple lol but I honestly don't know why it's not, it's just partially getting too comfortable and your significant other needs to kind of reel you in or metaphorically smack you in the back of the head sometimes...
     
    1 person likes this.
  9. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

    Messages:
    30,289
    Likes Received:
    8,560
    Really, that ole chestnut? There must be something wrong with me or I must have been wronged somehow becuase I think everybody else bullshits everybody else all the time

    Seems to be most peoples go to response because they dont know what else to say, "oh, why dont you just talk to her"

    And if the truth is if she's just not interested in him sexually and never will be again, but knows full well she can never tell him that otherwise he will just give up trying, be a lazier nastier / husband, or leave....then "Why dont you just talk to her?" is sooooo asinine


    Yes, it is that easy for some
     
  10. Jude96

    Jude96 Members

    Messages:
    900
    Likes Received:
    523
    Your last paragraph in the first response proves my point... you said "if" the truth is she's just not interested in him etc.

    ...by saying "if" it indicates that it is unknown if this is the case... hence the reason to have a genuine conversation so all the guessing games can stop... our minds can be our best friend or worst enemy when it comes to the "what if this" or "what if that" game... even if it's not what you want to hear it's not always about satisfaction, it's about the truth... and if he gives up trying then why I'm the hell would she want to be with him in the first place? You said he might leave all together.... ok, go if that's your choice... Might as well rip the bandaid off instead of letting it slowly get worse and worse and worse...

    ...that being said, I think recovery of all kinds is possible to an extent... not everything that is broken needs to be thrown away, SOME things can be fixed... the question is, is this one of those things... but you can't get the answer without speaking to one another about it... sometimes the truth hurts and it seems sometimes that people would rather ignore it rather than face it...
     
  11. Jude96

    Jude96 Members

    Messages:
    900
    Likes Received:
    523
    Dude it sounds like you're a good guy... relationships certainly do take a lot of work to remain strong...

    ...I saw the part about your 20th anniversary and going to the hotel... you said you picked up some lube... honestly, I've never known a woman to get in the mood by her man picking up lube and thinking, okay let's go honey! If you want an attempt at sex (which at this point looks as if it will take some work instead of just expecting it) then I would look for more intimacy with your wife first...

    ...put in the work with her... it sounds like it's worth it to you based on your post... give her a sensual massage or start a bubble bath for her... shower together and honestly just touch her in ways at first that aren't sexual, but more sensual... yes, it's work but real relationships take work... this could eventually lead into the sexual connection you're kind of aching for at this point...

    ...I get once upon a time sex was probably more automatic, but now pay attention to the little things (almost like when the relationship first began)... kiss her, reach over and rub the back of her neck while you're both watching TV... and do it unselfishly... make it about her a little bit and then progress from there...

    ..you'd be surprised how far some of those things will go... it'll work better with your woman than buying a bottle of lube... not so romantic, and most women aren't going to find that charming, particularly as people get older
     
    1 person likes this.
  12. cre8tivman

    cre8tivman Members

    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    29
    This must be awful. I can't imagine. I was blessed with a wife with a high sex drive and neither of us could get enough. We both had fuck buddies for variety. I'm no longer married, so I don't have that issue. I am actually often that guy who is screwing your wife when you don't give her enough. Some know, some don't. I've done that for 17 years now after one of my neighbors asked me to fuck her. There has to be a similar solution for him.

    Don't put all your eggs in one basket if you do FWB. And don't get attached. Have enough FWB that you never run dry and there is always someone ready and willing. Personally, I love hookers, but they get expensive. I have one that I am close to and she lets me screw her for free. Offhandedly, for those not faint of heart, I highly recommend a good roll in the hay with a good hooker, in a public sort of place. ;)

    Everyone is different. Love is love, but if my wife had stopped with me, I would have just found it elsewhere. But, for me, sex, good dirty sex, is incredibly important. I like to get off and feel good, but it's incredibly important to me to make sure that my partner gets the full ride. My grandfather always told me that whoever you fuck needs to really feel like they have been thoroughly fucked when you are finished.

    I feel so bad for this guy . Damn. Just go fuck someone, anyone, to clear your mind. Best of luck.
     
  13. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

    Messages:
    30,289
    Likes Received:
    8,560
    Sounds like she could get enough then
     
  14. Reverand JC

    Reverand JC Willy Fuckin' Wonka

    Messages:
    5,464
    Likes Received:
    951
    2 simple rules:

    1) The word BUT generally negates anything said before it.

    Example: "I don't want to sound racist BUT......"

    Translation: "What I'm about to say is going to sound racist"

    2) If you know you shouldn't do something then you shouldn't do it.

    C/S,
    Rev J
     
    2 people like this.
  15. cre8tivman

    cre8tivman Members

    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    29
    She didn't leave me. I moved and onward. While conditions in the bedroom may have been good, the filth, disorder, and chaotic environment became too much. She didn't have enough....I did.
     
  16. barefoot101corrin

    barefoot101corrin Member

    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    41
    just..talk...to..her. YOU CANT live a good life if you dont EXPRESS how you feel about problems. if you dont talk to her about this, then both of you will end up getting hurt in the end no matter how long it takes
     
  17. barefoot101corrin

    barefoot101corrin Member

    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    41
    exactly. sometimes you cant skip to the sex, you have to have the passion with being with them. its all a great big package and its meaningfull. so i hope it all works out.
     
  18. gingeroot

    gingeroot Members

    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    17
    No, I meant monogomy as in having only one partner. Where I come from that isn't cool.
     
  19. Eric!

    Eric! Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    23,130
    Likes Received:
    26,127
    Oh ok. Yeah, Drumminmama explained it to me awhile back. Interesting.
    Thanks.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice