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Naked And Afraid




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#1 NoxiousGas

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Posted March 20 2017 - 07:19 PM

For those of you who don't know, there is a show called "Naked and Afraid" in which they take two strangers, a man and a woman, drop them off in some God forsaken jungle or desert with only one tool each of their choosing, a map and not a stitch of clothing. The goal is to survive for 21 days and hike to a predetermined extraction point.

Pretty cool show.

 

So who do you think would make a good pairing for Naked and Afraid?

Name the couple, the location, what tool each would choose, and the outcome of the show.

 

it can be celebs, fictional characters, HF members, but has to people the community here would recognize.

 

 

 

I'm gonna go for the brass ring right off the bat and go with;

 

Donald Trump & Hillary Clinton in the African Savanna

 

The Trumpster chooses as his survival tool his cell phone so he can Tweet about Hillary.........too bad there is no cell phone service where he is headed.

Hillary chooses some industrial strength foundation makeup, heaven forbid the camera got a shot of her zombified pallor.

 

It goes ok for about 48 seconds until Donald begins talking.........

after two hours in the African sun Hillary's makeup dries and hardens locking her face in a morbid "Jokeresque" grin, and Donald is still rambling on and trying to Tweet.

After another 26 hours of Trump's incessant moronic rambling Clinton commits suicide by running into a pack of hyenas. They all get the runs.

Donald continues to ramble on about his self importance for the remaining time and would have won, but he complained about the lack of room service and then he stepped on a thorn while hiking out, filed a lawsuit against the producers and we have to wait at least another two years before we find out if he finished the challenge.


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#2 penguinsfan13

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Posted March 21 2017 - 06:12 AM

Me and Christina Ricci

I would bring the biggest bottle of alcohol
She would bring a lifetime supply of the pill.

doo be doo be doo, beware of the penguins.


#3 youfreeme

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Posted March 21 2017 - 03:25 PM

Me and Christina Ricci

I would bring the biggest bottle of alcohol
She would bring a lifetime supply of the pill.

 

I had no idea what that was so I googled her and her forehead is startlingly large.  I'm sure it could be used for survival, somehow.


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#4 Loc–Nar

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Posted March 25 2017 - 07:09 PM

Naked and Afraid season 7
Starring:

GLENGLEN__his item..... a Toaster
and
Morrow__her item ......bag of Coffee

Location: Maldivian island

Outcome of the show:

Day 1: Meet and Greet. Morrow looks at Glen's huge twig and berries, Glen looks at Morrow's sweet Strawberry Creams and a beautiful peach.

Day 2: Glen wants to make shelter on the beach. Morrow wants to make a tree house shelter. They do rock , paper, scissors. Morrow loses and is pissed.

Day 3: Glen builds a hut without a woman's bathroom. Morrow doesn't like it, storms off, tension builds.

Day 4: Morrow's pissed about no bathroom in hut, she builds a tree house right over Glen's hut. Glen's happy as a clam he has hut to himself.

Day 5: Morrow tells Glen that his rather large twig is distracting her, and offers to weave Glen a pair of knickers made out of green vegetation. Glen wears it proudly and begins to itch like crazy. Morrow is giggling next to a huge patch of poison ivy. Glen is pissed big time.

Day 6: Glen watches a beautiful sunset from his doorway and feels water drops on his head. Glen can hear Morrow giggling from her tree house bathroom.

Day 7: Glen is pissed from sleeping in a wet hut, and goes and makes a knife and fish hooks out of the metal shell of his toaster. Morrow is needing some of her coffee NOW! But has no cup.

Day 8: Glen is giggling as he chops down Morrow's tree house. Morrow is pissed.

Day 9: Morrow has no choice but to move in with Glen . Morrow takes over the hut. Glen can't figure out how the hut he made became Morrow's hut. Glen's pissed.

Day 10: Morrow needs to drink some coffee bad. Morrow wants to make a fire. While Glen sleeps, Morrow cuts off most of Glen's hair for fire starter. Glen wakes and is pissed.

Day 11: Morrow wants to make a coffee cup out of the remaining metal from Glen's toaster. Glen says no , it's HIS toaster! Morrow's pissed. Glen hides Morrow's coffee

Day 12: While Glen is sleeping/dreaming rubbing his junk, Morrow sneaks away, makes a cup from remaining toaster metal. Morrow is all smiles, not only getting away with making the toaster cup, but also from seeing Glen's sensual rubbing and moaning.

Day 13: Glen is pissed his toaster metal is missing. Morrow is pissed can't find her coffee, Glen is now giggling.

Day 14: Morrow hides Glen's knife and fish hooks. Glen wants his knife and fish hooks and can't find them. Frustrated , Glen goes for a walk-a-bout. Morrow snickers.

Day 15: While Glen's gone Morrow makes snare trap with tree limb and toaster cord. Glen comes back and gets caught in Morrow's trap and is hanging upside-down.

Day 16: Morrow goes to see if she caught Glen yet. Glen chewed the toaster cord off his leg, and waited for Morrow to leave the hut. Glen hid Morrow's toaster coffee cup.

Day 17: Morrow's freaking out, no cup, no coffee.
Glen's freaking out, no knife, no fish hooks.

Day 18: Morrow and Glen make deal to return each other's stuff. Morrow is happy. Glen is happy.

Day 19: Morrow finds some scrumptious vegetables inland . Glen catches some tasty fish in the ocean. They both have an amazing dinner together.

Day 20: Morrow picks up the outside of the hut. Glen cleans the inside of the hut.

Day 21: Boat arrives to take Morrow and Glen home. They both decide to stay and live on the island as best friends.

days later......
Morrow lays in bed and wonders where the fuck she's gonna get more coffee.


Thanks NG. This was a great topic to have fun with. Morrow and Glen are great people. I wish the best for both of them.


Cheers Glen and Morrow.
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#5 GLENGLEN

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Posted March 25 2017 - 07:15 PM

BLOODY HELL.......smilielol5.gif

 

 

 

Cheers Glen. 


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#6 morrow

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Posted March 26 2017 - 05:09 AM

That's so funny, thanks Pete, and Glen ;)
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#7 guerillabedlam

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Posted March 26 2017 - 09:28 AM

Me and Christina Ricci

I would bring the biggest bottle of alcohol
She would bring a lifetime supply of the pill.




3i6eiPI.png?

 


#8 Loc–Nar

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Posted July 30 2017 - 06:32 PM

Naked and Afraid season 8
Starring:

Spaceman Spiff__his item......"Greenlee" hydraulic cutter and ram 


Moonglow181__her item ......The Usborne Book of Famous Paintings.

Location: Phong Nha Ke Bang National Park in the Quang Binh province of Central Vietnam.

Outcome of the show: 

Day 1: Meet and Greet. Spiff arrives on time/naked at the meet point. Moon shows up 6 hours late wearing bikini top and bottoms made out of vegetation not to expose herself to Spiff. Spiff is pissed about Moon's lateness. Both of them had to sleep without shelter. Shelterless x1 and Spiff Headache #1

Day 2: Spiff cant wait to use his cutter and wants to construct a fortified shelter out of trees. Moon protests the killing of trees and wants no part of it. Both of them had to sleep without shelter. Shelterless  x2. Headache #2

Day 3: Spiff demands that shelter is made in the cave nearby by at the entrance. Moon lectures Spiff to cheer up and get over himself and the whole 6 hours late/bikini/tree issue.

Day 4: Moon finds Cymbopogon (lemongrass) and makes a potent insect repellent for both Spiff and her. Spiff constructs a well made bow drill and has a roaring fire going in 20 minutes. 

Day 5: Moon finds a stream for water, but unfortunately finds someone's garbage and pollution floating in it, Moon globally blames Trump and his administration for this. Spiff is blaming himself for coming onto Naked and Afraid and for putting on lemongrass repellent(broke out in hives)

Day 6: Using fire charcoal, Moon creates some parietal cave art inspired by Vincent.  Spiff constructs some deadfall traps to catch animals to eat.

Day 7: Spiff is cutting full cords of firewood in record time using his cutter and ram. Moon harvests seeds, nuts and berries for her concocted Vietnamese trail mix......... as she harvests, she also wreaks all of Spiff's set animal traps one by one.

Day 8: Moon is quite impressed about making a cute skirt and off the shoulder top out of more vegetation. Spiff is quite impressed on how well his Greenlee cutter works and how much money he'll make on cutting/selling firewood/converters back home. 

Day 9: Moon cleaned the polluted area of a stream and bathed with her bikini on away from Spiffs wandering eyes. 
Spiffs wandering eyes are more importantly fixated on looking for some juicy meaty morsel to cook.

Day 10: Spiff sees a succulent wild boar pork tenderloin running around. Moon sees the same beautiful, cute little baby sus domesticus and scares it way to live another day.  Looking at all his sprung traps ,Spiff now knows why he hasn't caught anything yet. Headache #3

Day 11: Spiff takes a shit in proximity of Moons area of the stream. Moon sees this and accuses Spiff for being no different than Trump polluting the Earth by taking a shit where someone could step in it. Moon will be reporting Spiff to Greenpeace after the show.

Day 12: Moon uses Spiff's cutter blades to dig holes for her and Spiff to use the bathroom in. Spiff is looking to cut another cord of firewood but cant find his cutters. 

Day 13: Moon looks and finds more foilage and cording to complete her vegetational wardrobe. Spiff looks and finds that his cutter blades are dull, mangled and bent from what it appears to be from "someone" digging with them ( Migraine #1)

Day 14: Spiff blows up and is a complete A-hole towards Moon for using his cutters to dig holes. Headache #4. Moon is unphased by Spiff's rant because shes has been used to his juvenilistic attitude for years. (Yawns) with no apology.

Day 15: Near starvation, Spiff finds a dead rat , cooks it and makes delicious rat burger. Jumping to conclusions, Moon sees the dead rat carcass and is infuriated about the killing, threatens Spiff with legal action and a formal complaint to the ASPCA.

Day 16: Moon is kicking back, reading her book , relaxing and eating her trail mix. Spiff is kicking back looking at his mangled cutters and back at Moon, contemplating tapping out of this reality nightmare or life in prison without parole.

Day 17: In a rice patty nearby, Moon collects rice and a weird metal object from under the water. Moon returns to the cave smiling with happiness. Spiff sees the metal object and yells "grenade"! Moon screams and throws the weird metal object  into the cave. BOOM & AVALANCHE ! Shelterless x4, Migraine #2

Day 18: With small engine repair and scrap work waiting for him back home, Spiff (pussies) taps out of show. A cute Vietnamese woman picks up Spiff in a M151 MUTT . Moon has happiness, she can finally be naked without anyone's wandering eyes on her.  Sadness due to no shelter or anyone to talk to.

Day 19:  Moon shares a tree shelter with a 3 toed sloth she befriended. Spiff's M151 MUTT breaks down in the jungle. Spiff regrets picking cutters as his survival item for the show and would happily go down on Glen for a bottle of ibuprofen right about now. 


Day 20: Moon reads Usborne book to Sloth and shares her trail mix... Spiff and the cute Vietnamese woman driver both work at getting the MUTT running again caused from a vacuum leak under the intake manifold.

Day 21: Sadness is... Moon carries Sloth to extraction point and says goodbye. Happiness is... Moon is on the boat back home and has completed the show.  Spiff finally gets home on the 22nd day. 

Months later......

~PLANTERS® offers Moon 25.5 million dollars for her 
Vietnamese trail mix recipe. Moon Happily accepts.

~Spiff married the cute Vietnamese woman driver. Is happily ever after.


Thanks NG. Again this was a great topic to have fun with. 
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#9 NoxiousGas

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Posted July 30 2017 - 06:43 PM

Loc-Nar,  that was fucking epic and you totally nailed the personalities ...LOL

fine work my man, fine work indeed...cheers2.gif


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"Do the walls close in and suffocate ya,
you ain't got no friends and all the others they hate ya,
does the life you been leading gotta go?"

"get your shoes and socks on people,
it's right around the corner"

"the poodle bi-i-ites,
the poodle chews it"

#10 Moonglow181

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Posted July 31 2017 - 09:18 AM

Loc-Nar, that was priceless! :D

 

You are something else.

 

You know you have a gift. You should be writing comedy for television.


Edited by Moonglow181, July 31 2017 - 09:18 AM.

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