Accepting Our Bisexuality

That is more then fine with us.

 

At a stage where I'm embracing my sexuality. I don't have to tell the world about it. Partner knows and is fine with me being with other women cause I believe in a liberated sexual relationship where people can safely explore without being judged. I've never had to tell people I love men why is it different if I fall in love with a girl.

 

xXKittyxCrusaderXx, on 05 May 2016 - 8:28 PM, said:

Kitty you are every bi-guy's dream. Have not come out to my wife and don't think it would be helpful to do so. Always looking for males and females to discuss this topic.

 

I suppose years ago I denied it to myself, now it doesn't seem like such a big deal. But my dilemma is I'm really not sure I could be put into a category. I had a jerkoff relationship with a friend as a young person, when I started getting girls to do stuff I never even thought about doing that with him again. Then after years of HS girls he and I ended up alone one night riding around drinking beer, it was the 70's so it was acceptable back then don't go crazy. So he decides we should park to keep from getting pulled over and we did and he went to a spot I had never been, very secluded and I knew he was going to try and jerk me off. I was buzzed and thought what the hell, worst case I'll have to jerk him. Hadn't touched him in almost 4 years and we were HS seniors now. He did what I expected and when I went to reciprocate his dick had grown a great deal. When he saw my reaction he stripped naked. He was a skinny nerdy sort, not athletic at all. I was the opposite, an alpha that was 6'3" 210 lbs and no body fat to speak off. His dick was way bigger than mine and I had a feeling I had never had, submissive. I looked at it as superior. I had never thought about it before but now I wanted to suck his dick. I fought the feeling for a few minutes and then just went down on him and loved it.
All the way to completion. We kept this up for about 5 years after that night and about a year later he told me he was gay, no desire for girls.

I was lucky in the gene pool and got pussy like the world was coming to an end in the late 70's. I took part in many mfm's and was never attracted to the other guy. Then in eighties i had a MFM and I was attracted to the guy. He was skinny and a little fem like the nerd but also had a big dick.
I had been around other guys with big dicks in 3ways and wasn't so it's not the big dick. It seems I have a certain specific type, skinny a little fem and a bigger dick than mine. The only time I was able to follow through with another was the guy in the MFM and I used to see him ocassionally since our work crossed paths. Drinking one night and he noted that I sure did spend a lot of time looking at his dick on the night in question in a teasing joking way. I said it was really big and I never saw a big one up close. (Lie) When we got back where he was staying he asked if I wanted to see it again. So you can see where that led.

In closing I would think I'm one of those semi bi guys in a sexual nature. I could never have a relationship other than bj's with another guy. Just don't feel it.

 

In the future I might be open about the fact that I'm technically bi.......but for for now, for many of the reason Vanilla Gorilla pointed out I will likely keep it to myself (at least IRL).

 

I still struggle.

 

Bi and husband knows. I've accepted what I am, I didn't choose this. I have a liberal marriage. You love and accept your partner as they are.

 

I don’t feel the need to come out to anyone , except the guy whose cock is about to go down my throat.lol
It’s a hobby for me ,sucking dick that is . It doesn’t affect the rest of my life.

 

I'm a bisexual guy who happened to fall in love with and marry a woman, and we've been married 11 years now.
Prior to meeting my wife, I had romantic/sexual relationships with both men and women. Just because I've had sexual relationships with men doesn't mean I'm gay, just like being married to my wife didn't suddenly make me straight either.
My bisexuality has been a "thorny" subject with my wife at times, because she realizes I have certain needs/desires that she can't meet and fulfill. After some trying times, we've come to a compromise when it comes to meeting my bisexual needs and desires.
I've never shared my TRUE sexual orientation with ANY of my family, though I suspect a few know. When it comes to my friends, I've only shared the fact that I'm bisexual with those that are also gay or bisexual themselves. I've always felt leary (and therefore haven't) told any of my straight friends of my TRUE sexual orientation, because I never wanted to "ruffle any feathers", or potentially ruin any friendships based on something I happen to enjoy in privacy behind closed doors.
Like I said before, my previous sexual relationships and (and even current) attraction to men doesn't make me gay... Just like my marriage didn't suddenly make me straight. I am who I am. I'm a bisexual guy.

 

I never came out to anyone. I came out to myself and that's what matters. I accepted the fact that I am sexually attracted to men. That was a big step for me. It's really nobody's business who I have sex with

 

It took me over 20 years to accept my bisexuality. Like subshawn41, I have had a great struggle. My same sex fantasies started after my girlfriend (my first one, at 27 years of age!, and who I lost my virginity to) broke up with me after three years. Up until then my only same-sex activity had been with my best friend growing up, where we played around with each other's cocks and assholes for a number of years before high school. After that, though, I didn't even have any thoughts about sex with guys for the next 16 years. But the pain from that break up at 30 brought sexual desire for other guys up from where it must have been all along, deep within me. Strong fantasies and lots of gay porn finally drove me out for anonymous sex with men in the many different venues: porn theaters, jerk off clubs, video arcades and glory holes, cruising parks, back rooms in gay bars, different gay naked events, bathhouses, gay sex clubs, gay orgies, etc. But it was always oral only.

But most of the times I got naked with guys, I lost all the super horny passion for gay sex when I was with them. I still sucked their cocks (I learned to deepthroat really well) out of kindness, but the attraction and desire was not there in me. But the gay fantasies, porn, and masturbation still continued at home with incredible intensity. It never made sense to me. But there were also a few exceptions, where I felt the attraction and deep sexual passion for my male partner, and then the touching and oral sex was incredibly hot. I loved it so much. But it was just five or six hot encounters vs. over 100 without that feeling of passion for the man I'm having sex with. But those few times kept me going out seeking the same thing again and again, hoping that my fantasies will come true, but almost always being disappointed again. I just felt no chemistry, no attraction at the chemical level, I guess with another man at those times. So I labelled myself bi-confused, and that was my identity.

Also, I was trying to date women during these 20+ years, and often failed, or even if I did have one or two dates with a woman, she would reject me before we even had sex. It was all these failures with women that brought on a surge of gay fantasies and porn each time, that eventually drove me out to fulfill those fantasies. So it looked like it was perhaps a coping mechanism, a distraction from the pain of failing with women, the gender I was most attracted to and wanted to fall in love with, get married, and have children with. I also was only attracted on the street and in social situations to women, never to guys. I only had attraction to a guy's naked cock and ass. In all this time I also never had any anal feelings with the guy I was having oral sex with, although my fantasies and porn watching had a lot of anal--rimming and fucking, giving and receiving. I even fantasized a lot about having a boyfriend or even a husband, of falling in love with another man. But in real life I felt nothing for men, except for those half dozen exceptions, and then only sexual desire for his cock.

And then in 2013, 21 years after the gay stuff started, I met a guy in a bathhouse who I instantly felt extreme attraction to, to his whole body, and especially to his ass. As I started playing with him, my desire for his ass went ballistic, and I ended up tonguefucking his asshole for over an hour before finally putting a condom on to fuck his beautiful hole. That experience changed everything for me. I finally had deep desire for another man, and immensely enjoyed making love with him. There's no question in my mind anymore that I am bisexual. Perhaps it only is with certain men that I have chemistry with, I don't know. But I'm definitely bisexual. I felt overjoyed in being able to change my identity from bi-confused to bisexual. Unfortunately, I never saw that bathhouse guy again, as it was anonymous (I never even got his name) and it was overseas. But I will always remember that incredibly cute, luscious twink who took my gay virginity as a top. Coming out to myself finally as bisexual opened my mind. I was no longer confused. I accepted my bisexuality, and loved it.

And I also realized that the *anonymous* sex was what had been holding back my feelings. I needed to get personal. So I started going on dating sites, gay hook up sites really, and started meeting men, first online, chatting with them, and then eventually getting together with them in each other's homes, mostly for sex, but sometimes also snuggling on the sofa watching TV after sex, and even going out on dinner dates. Some get-togethers were just oral, but for some of the men I also had crazy passion for, spending hours rimming their amazing holes. Unfortunately I still haven't fucked another guy in the ass though. In addition, my fantasies, as I said, all along also involves me being a bottom, and I have deep desires and a very strong wish for that to happen, but it has not yet. But with all these more intimate and personal relationships with guys, I still have had no romantic feelings for any of them. So that part of my bisexuality either doesn't exist or hasn't surfaced yet, perhaps because I haven't met the right guy yet.

I also met my second girlfriend finally, three years ago, and we've been together on and off for these three years, so I stopped all sex with men--for now. The fantasies have continued though, especially when we are on a break. A particularly long break and a difficult one for me a year ago caused me to sink into a very deep gay porn binge where I would masturbate to gay porn on average for 12 hours every day for six weeks (meds I was on prevented me from cumming). I became a total addict. But I still didn't go on hook-up sites during that time, which ended up good because my girlfriend and I eventually did get back together again, but still on and off. I am now keeping away from the porn, though I just started looking at this forum to jerk off too.

As for sharing my bisexuality with others, I've only told my two therapists over the years, and girlfriend #2 also knows. But really, no one else needs to know at this time, while I'm not seeing guys, or even if I start seeing guys again. While it's only sexual, there's no benefit but only harm in sharing the truth. Of course, if I meet a guy and fall in love, and we become a couple, then it makes more sense to come out. But to tell you the truth, I don't know whether I'm wired that way, to feel romantic feelings for a man, though I'm not ruling out the possibility. And if I have sex with a future woman and it becomes more than casual, then I will also come out to her. However, actually I don't really want to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, or husband or wife, anymore. A relationship like that just seems too complicated, and gets in the way of my spiritual practice, which is my priority now. But who knows.

 

Stick with your therapist. Maybe it's just me but I have to say you're "gay", not "bisexual"...IMHO. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that but I feel you should probably accept that being you always go back to man sex and are sexually aroused more by men than women. Perhaps you are still fighting with something inside you.

 

I had my first sex with a guy when I was 19. I am 64 now and probably have had oral sex with 40 guys over the course of my life. I still am struggling to be honest with myself about that side of my sexuality. I did come out to my wife about 20 years ago and was going to come out to everybody, but like the poster above, my wife made me believe that my parents, my siblings and my children would all disown me and I would be alone.

 

Thank you so much for your reply, LowHangers. Your conclusion definitely gave me pause. It might be the most significant advice I've ever been given about my sexuality, given what just happened. I finished writing the following paragraph and I was just re-reading it before posting, when something very strange happened to me that's never happened before. My cock was erect and started shooting pre-cum out like crazy; it was spraying into the air all over me and the bed, sometimes more than a foot into the air as I was lying in bed reading this on my iPad. I don't know what that was! Maybe something deep within my unconscious was experiencing a realization. I don't know. OMG though!! So here's what I wrote:

Maybe I am gay, still aroused by women, but really deep down wired for men, but just unable to accept it. On the surface, consciously, intellectually, I don't see anything wrong with me being homosexual. But if there is something deep down that can't accept that, then I would really like to fix that. Maybe that is why I lost all desire for the man I was naked with so many, many times: it wasn't that I wasn't sexually attracted to him, but some distortion within my unconscious saying that it wasn't right for me to be sexually attracted to him. That is so crazy! Like everyone, I just want to be happy, and if another man is what it will take to find some sexual and romantic happiness, then I want that. I will contemplate and meditate deeply on what you've said, and talk about it with my therapists, and get myself back out there on the bi/gay dating scene. I will try to keep reminding myself over and over again of what you have said: there's absolutely nothing wrong with me being gay. Nothing at all! Thank you ❤️

 

I struggle a lot with this. I've never come out to anyone about my bisexuality, I'm happily married and have had several successful relationships with women, but I have a strong urge to be with men sexually as well and lately have asked myself whether, if I were single, I would consider a relationship with a man rather than a woman. I think my interest in men though is purely sexual though if society were as accepting of bisexuality as heterosexuality then perhaps I would be equally emotionally satisfied with a man? I'm not sure. I probably am about 60% hetero, 40% homosexual and it is at times difficult to reconcile my real personality with the reality of having to hide such a large part of it from everyone else. This forum is very helpful I must say...

 

I don't struggle with it myself. But I don't practice it. Because of my wifes views of it. I always tell this story when people ask me if it bothers me that I'm bald. I say no.... It bothers everybody else since they comment about it. Same way I feel about bisexuality, crossdressing or anything else I may indulge in.

 

Your story has similarities to mine. It also took about twenty years for me to come to terms with my same sex attractions. And it might have been driven by my failure with the opposite sex. But I have never done anything at all with a guy, though I am eager to try! But like you a lot would probably depend on the guy. The idea of anonymous sex with someone who just happens to be available does nothing for me. Although I have no interest in a guy romantically, I do want some kind of connection.