Is Marriage Just Crap ?

VG?Wow I didnt know you knew myself and my husband.Both aussies but holy s*** Australia's a huge country!
Im afraid my husband admitted himself,that before we married,his Mr Nice Guy was all a facade,to entice me into marrying him,but once married,he found it too hard to keep up appearances,and turned into Mr A,Hole!(which he admitted again, was his true self!)My second husband has known me since I was 18, (Im now 55)and has told me I havent changed a bit (apart from looking abit older lol)

 

Lol, your second husband has known you since you were 18?, so the entire time you were married to the first husband.

You know pretty much everyone is just going to think you were banging current hubby the whole time. He was your Camila

Current hubby says you havent changed either because that is true......or .... if he says otherwise you just rag on him.


I do say all that in part, yes just to be a dick...doesnt mean its not true. Saying you havent changed is kind of ridiculous, everybody changes

 

I met my second husband years before meeting my 1st husband.I left Australia,alone,travelling and ended up in the UK.So no I was'nt "banging" second husband when married to 1st husband.Infact second husband and I were just good friends.So bang goes your ridiculous theory!
Yes people do change,but most,only slightly.You might be married,have kids or whatever,but deep down,you're still the same person.

 

There is no such thing as a soulmate. Are we silly enough to believe that our soulmate just happens to live near us rather than in China. everyone's soulmate is in driving distance; how convenient. The reasons for divorce are many. First off we are trying to live in monogamy which goes against our nature. We become half of a couple. Monogamy breeds an almost viral tendency to take the other person for granted, to have huge expectations, and to deliver this all from a sense of duty and obligation — without a thank you! We live in marriages that force you to expect all your needs to be met by your spouse and that is not realistic.

Poly or an ethical open marriage supports the idea that you are individual beings with perhaps divergent desires or needs. Having separate sexual and love experiences doesn’t mean your relationship is a failure; to the contrary, it can actually strengthen your connection as it did ours. So that is part of why people divorce.

There are also issues of marrying a spouse who you think you can change and when you find out that what you see is what you get, they are unhappy. Most issues have their roots in what I said above. We become half of a couple and our expectations of our spouses is unrealistic. We cannot be all things to each other, whether sexual or otherwise. Life was great for us because I never had cause to feel that I am not fulfilled or can get what I need from my spouse. I was free to find all that I need, outside of our marriage.

In the end we found a great solution. We formed a poly triad with a mutual female friend of us that we both knew since our teen years. She was a perfect fit for us. As three we each could provide something to the others that they could not provide for each other. We had no problems having another women in our lives and I have to admit that the sex with three is much better than sex as a couple. We had lots of fun and lots of love. We also each had the opportunity to have an occasional fling with someone we were attracted to now and then. In 44 years, among the the three of us, there were only 9 outside sex combined. That is not a lot for four decades.

What we did, is what a lot of millennials are now doing. They are choosing their marriage over monogamy. Unrealistic expectations that your needs can be met by one person, the mysterious soul mate, end up in divorce. The ledger of divorced people is filled with soulmates.

 

"Marriage" is more of a religious or legal arrangement for me. I've with the same person for a while and we feel no need to make it offical. You have the same kind of married commitment without the ceremony. The thing is people do change and from a biological standpoint you are supposed to mating with lots of people not one that is what the species will favor. So long term I think people just get sick of each other but I also think you can meet people who you don't want to get sick of.

 

As much as Al bitches about Peggy there are episodes where you can see he loves her. But yes prime example of a pain in the ass women.

 

For the western men - yes, it's absolute crap.


Anything that you do in your life that isn't rewarding can be deemed as 'crap'. You as a man can maximize your happiness much more effectively remaining unmarried on every conceivable level. But don't take it my word for it, look around and study your average married couple, pay particular attention to the man and see if he's truly happy or he's just filing in line cause society told him to do it and feels pressured from his peers to remain married. Study the divorce statistics. Make an intelligent and informed decision and avoid marriage completely.


There is nothing a man can do in a marriage that he can't do better remaining unmarried.

 

Marriage has been great for my wife and me for over 40 years. It isn't right for some people, but for others, it can be fantastic.

 

So true Yggdrazil...nothing is to be gained by men in marriage today. Except maybe paying less taxes, lower insurance rates, etc..

But with the stress of modern life (being nice here), it's hard on a man's health.

We are better off doing as we please in every way. Most relationships today are temporary at best, or just a flash in the pan at the least.

Take it for what it is and enjoy. When you hit the wall, just walk away.

 

Lol scratched..It's not always the woman's fault you know..

Less said about that the better i guess!

I'm one of four girls, it was taken for granted we would marry..

Strange thing is, only one of us is still married! One of us is happy to be not married, and the one that's still married, is unhappy!

Yeah, single is best..But not just for you guys!

 

I understand what you're saying Morrow, just sharing beliefs with Yggdrazil...I know how he feels.

And I know there are rotten guys out there too. I was friends with one in HS. After we graduated he showed his true colors. Ugly. Kicked to the curb!
He's the one I spoke of who had the wants for my mom. Yes an interesting night indeed!

Unfortunately both sexes have their "birds and turds". lol

I just wanna party mid-late sixties style. Hell, mid-late seventies would be okay...
May the gals dance and the guys take the chance. Or just glance. It's all good if it's fun.

But with the thread topic, Modern Marriage isn't even a fairy tale anymore.

 

I agree, was it ever..Let's just dance through it i say..

Boogie on down! Lol

 

We might officially be getting married in August and I'm looking forward to it I mean I been with this one for more than half my life and really we are already married as everything mine is hers and hers mine and our debts together, our lives are together and we are engaged just not married yet, never been in a rush but it excites me to call her my wife and I guess I'm her wife too. =p

But I won't be a statistic I don't like that and I'll strive never to become one, I can't predict 20 years from now but we've gone pretty good for 15 I don't see any worry for the next 20 at all. It'll be easy, a piece of piss.

I do find marriage problems interesting though and at 29 I've reached that age where relationships fall apart with friends. I'm always intrigued but I'm also so baffled sometimes because really a lot of it is just simple communication problems and some of it even simpler but meh, I don't have those problems so I don't have to worry about 'em.

I'm marrying for the right reasons though, in my heart I know it'll work or else I wouldn't even bother.

 

Well, in Peggy's defense Al wasnt a great catch either.

But I agree about him loving her, I always liked the episode when he needed to get into his car trunk, I can't remember why, I think his car broke down and they were at the shop. ..but the whole episode everyone thought he was anxious to get to his trunk to get his collection of nudie magazines, then at the end of the episode he gets to the trunk and pulls out a family photo instead. Sweetness.

 

i think relationships are better if you are not married as both partners try harder to satisfy each other better. that is my experience personally and friends have told me same thing.

 

Yes, I agree completely. One of the problems with marriage is that it sometimes makes partners may feel like they "have you", because you've said your vows and invited your family over to the wedding and the ridiculous expenses that came with it, signed this, signed that, yada yada yada. You're now in the limelight social-wise, so you have less incentive to break up with them because who would want to throw out all of the work that done setting up the marriage and everything that came along with it, right? Partner's will sometimes use this, and the threat and headache of the legal proceedings that come with divorce, as a reason to misbehave and do things they wouldn't otherwise do if they knew the person could simply get up and leave, or kick them out of the house.

This is one of the biggest reasons why I'm anti-marriage. No one should be threatened into staying in a relationship for any reason. We are adults, free-agents, and should come and go as we please without the fear of government legal proceedings or anything else.

 

Are you also anti marriage to those who are happily married? like errr errr that's should your choices are stupid errr errrr

 

Ygg you just haven't met the right person!
Marriage is no guarantee, but then life has only one guarantee, that at the end of it, you die!
There is something about thinking, feeling, this is the person you want to grow old with..But unless you meet that person..You won't understand!
Ygg you need to open your mind... And your heart, there is too much negativity! It's keeping positive out! Let it Go!

 

No, most definitely not!

I don't want to sound like a "smug married" but I waited a long time to meet the right one, when all my friends were marrying (a couple for the second time), I was resolutely single. Then someone I'd know for a long time from work, asked me out and we're still together now 19 years later.

There's no magic formula, except to say compatibility is obviously essential!

 

Aren't you against marriage yourself?