What Makes Marriages End?

Mine ended a long time ago, because my wife was convinced that I was the cause of everything wrong in her life. That was too much responsibility for me to bear, and counseling failed when she disagreed with something the counselor said. So, by mutual agreement I moved into another house with our adolecent kids, and we got divorced several years later.

I decided to stay away from the marriage contract after that experience, which I think has been the key to success in my ongoing 18-year primary relationship.​

 

The reasons marriage end;
Just about every reason marriages end have been mentioned throughout this post. As a divorcee I can attest that most reasons given are valid.
Be careful about how you interpret what's being said here if your one who's current marriage is in trouble. I say this because I have yet to read one post where the poster takes any responsibility for the failed marriage. All I'm seeing is (they cheated or they caused the divorce) it's all the ex's fault. It would be more helpful to others if we admit how our shortcomings contributed to the divorce. My ex was no angel, but that's on her. I did plenty of things to screw it up too. In our personal situation we just got married too young (21 and 20). It was mostly an immature understanding of what it takes to make a marriage work.We were divorced after 3 years. Unfortunately our young son was the one who had to pay for our mistake. So before you jump into a marriage ask yourself what can I bring into this marriage to completely satisfy my partner and then realize you need to ask yourself that every day for the rest of your marriage regardless if they do the same. If they don't then you've got some decisions to make.

 

Last night I interrupted my mate's verbal battering long enough to tell her that if I truly am such an egregiously horrible person and as she's obviously chronically unhappy (I didn't mention "psychotic", but then there's that), she should leave to seek her fortunes elsewhere. In any event, I will be treated with at least a modicum of courtesy and respect, or she'll have to find alternative accommodations.
As I'm not clear on how much of that sank in, I emailed the message to her therapist and case manager, too.
Kinda feels like I just dropped a grenade into the middle of our relationship, but there it is.

 

But just maybe that's what she really needed to hear, a reality check.

 

I'm not sure exactly what she heard. After 12 hours of silence, she replied that I'm being overly sensitive, and that I shouldn't take her ad hominem attacks personally.

 

:-(

 

Lawyers, think about it. A marriage license is the only license you don't have to renew every couple of years. Lawyers can get a lot more money out of you than a license costs.

 

My first long term relationship broke down because she never wanted sex. Her view would have been that I didn't make her feel loved. In these circumstances, it's amazing she'd managed to get pregnant.

Eventually, with her encouragement, I looked elsewhere. She'd have been hypocritical to object as she'd been unfaithful on more than one occasion.

However, it turned out she was jealous when the boot was on the other foot and couldn't handle it. She realised her mistake and tried to seduce me with the words "She can't do anything for you that I can't."

Unfortunately, that wasn't true. It was too little, too late. Although my partner was intelligent and beautiful, she was rubbish in bed compared to the new woman I'd found.

Still, I didn't want to leave my partner. I did though because she went crazy with jealousy and drove me out. In retrospect, I think a lot of her behaviour was down to post natal depression. Sadly, she died in an accident leaving our issues unresolved.

The sex was fabulous in my second relationship. Ironically though, it lacked so much of what had been good about my first. It lasted for a number years, but I ended it because I was dissatisfied. That was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. I'd learned the hard way that sex wasn't everything.

At that time, I thought I might spend the rest of my life alone. Fortunately a year later, I found my wonderful wife and the best of both worlds. I've now been with her for almost as long as the other two put together.

Although I'm happy now, I still regret my previous failures. With the first one, we'd worked hard to have successful careers and were on the cusp of having a great life together when it all went wrong.

 

Married over 30 years now. Seen many others come and go. Observations:
1. Selfishness and a lack of empathy and compassion for one’s partner.
2. Unwillingness to compromise and a lack of “agreeableness” in one or both partners.
3. Built up resentment or animosity that conditions a hostile/contemptuous pattern of interaction between the couple.
4. The divorce industrial complex.
Edit: Ok. We can add one as needed.
5. “Bitches be trippin’.”

 

Mine ended because my wife became a drug addict and alcoholic. She went through detox/rehab 3 times and could never kick her habit. I finally had enough and had to pull the trigger on divorce after 13 years of marriage, and the last 3 dealing with her addiction issues.

Had nothing to do with anything else but her propensity to addiction.

 

Mine ended, because my wife was more concerned about new suits, getting her hair and nails done, and treating her co-workers to expensive lunches on a daily basis. So when I began emptying the account after she go her pay checks and I'd pay the bills, buy the food, and pay the medical insurance for the kid, then put the remainder back, she accused me of stealing, told me I had no right to do what I did, it was her money and she would do with it what she wanted.

Then she took me off teh account, left in th middle of the night, and didn't show up again for 3 months, when the police came by first demanding a surrender my son or be taken to jail.

 

:-(

 

:-(…crazy!

 

Why get married in the first place? Just find somebody you don't like and buy them a house.

 

Lol!

 

That's an oldie, but a goodie!