So It's Official...

Discussion in 'Mental Health' started by FireflyInTheDark, Sep 25, 2015.

  1. Irminsul

    Irminsul Valkyrie

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    I'm pretty reluctant to take any medication for my issues too. Not because I fear that I might have bad experiences on them though, I'm just more afraid of losing who I am individually. That's where I find myself, looking into a tunnel, I can see the light on the other side but it might be a different world out there. For better or worse, I haven't taken the option to test the water.
     
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  2. YouFreeMe

    YouFreeMe Visitor

    A few years back I trudged through a profound depression, which lasted about two years! I refused to take medication, and I'm not sure if that was a wise choice or not, but it was the choice that I made. I found several more natural remedies that helped pull me through the trenches, the most important among them being diet and exercise-related changes. I can't speak highly enough of a physical fitness routine. I swear that it saved me.
     
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  3. FireflyInTheDark

    FireflyInTheDark Sell-out with a Heart of Gold

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    I go back and forth. I think it's best just to marinate in the knowledge for the moment and try to motivate to make other changes, like getting more sunlight, avoiding processed foods and being aware of emotional eating that makes me feel worse, regulating my sleep schedule, and going to the gym with my gym buddy (who incidentally also has issues with anxiety and depression, so she gets it and we can talk about it).

    I just spent the weekend with some good friends from college. Being with them is effortless. It made me realize that I need to surround myself with more people like that. People like me that don't drain me and make me feel like shit, intentionally or not. I'm thinking it's time to cut a certain someone out of my life, and I'm dreading it. He just takes so much from me without really giving anything back, and I need to stop worrying about failing him as a friend because he certainly doesn't seem to worry about failing me. I'm going to have higher standards from now on about the people I allow in my life, and I'm not going to make excuses for them or feel guilty about being disappointed when they fail to meet them. Now, that I've had someone like that grow their roots into my heart, removing them is going to be so painful... I hope this is the last time.

    This has been such a wake-up call in so many areas of my life. Now that this thing has a name and has been properly identified, I know I have to adjust around it. It feels very surreal, but I think as crushing as this was, to realize this is what I'm dealing with and what I will continue to deal with, it's been a serious breakthrough for me. If I lay down and die and don't do anything about it, I have only myself to blame now.
     
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  4. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

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    ^^^

    Oi, another toxic guy friend?
     
  5. FireflyInTheDark

    FireflyInTheDark Sell-out with a Heart of Gold

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    No, unfortunately the same one. Clearly I have had this thought before, but now I'm clear on exactly why the cord finally needs to be cut. I thought I could get over the heartbreak of our failed relationship. And I did. But he IS toxic and we simply have too much baggage to have healthy interactions. I'm not doing this out of anger or spite this time. I'm doing it with the best intentions for all involved, but mostly myself because it's needed. I'll keep lashing out at him, being suspicious of him and re-opening old wounds as long as he is around, and it will just suck me dry. It's not good for anyone. He has more solid footing now. His illness is under control, he has a new girlfriend that conveniently came pre-packaged with a slew of new friends that he gets along very well with and sees regularly. I feel like there is much less of a chance that he will try to dig his claws into me like the last time I tried to end things. And if he does, I have better reasons this time. I'm stronger. I can fight him.
     
  6. FritzDaKatx2

    FritzDaKatx2 Vinegar Taster

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    Oxytocin is a far more dangerous substance than most folks will admit.
    If it's heartstrings that are causing this pain, maybe consider seeing if Ibogaine therapy might be an effective method of "breaking that addiction"? It does seem to work well for Opiates, not sure if it might have a similar response but I bet it would be as fun as any mescalin trip to find out?

    http://www.maps.org/research/ibogaine-therapy
     
  7. FireflyInTheDark

    FireflyInTheDark Sell-out with a Heart of Gold

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    Interesting. While I've entertained the possibility that I have a relationship addiction, it really only seemed to ever be in relation to this person. However, that feeling is long gone. I'm over him, but the awkward baggage and bad blood left over is what's making it hard to be friends. That and he and I have never really been compatible. I just didn't want to let him down. He doesn't deal well with abandonment.

    I don't think it's heart strings causing my depression, but I do believe he is one of my triggers. Removing him will remove a significant part of the problem. Trying to shoehorn him into my life has always made me want to lay down and take a nap. I just thought you didn't leave people, no matter what. I thought part of being friends with someone was accepting and loving everything about them. And how I've tried... But after 8 months of bad relationship and a year and 4 months of trying to make our friendship work, I'm done trying. It shouldn't be this hard. Not having this constant math problem nagging at me will free up a lot of my energy for more healthy tasks.
     
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  8. FritzDaKatx2

    FritzDaKatx2 Vinegar Taster

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    Well it is the "Bonding Hormone", doesn't need to include full blown "Love" in the mix but it's a component that will only strengthen such "group ties" (Even when the group only has 2 members.)

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22227278
     
  9. FireflyInTheDark

    FireflyInTheDark Sell-out with a Heart of Gold

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    I wouldn't be surprised if something like that is at play with this person. I just cannot move forward from the baggage. We had a falling out at the end of last year, and while I missed him, I also didn't worry about the problem anymore. I think having him out of my life is the way to go rather than starting a drug therapy so I can deal with him. I just don't need the complication.
     
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  10. newbie-one

    newbie-one one with the newbiverse

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    Sorry to hear that this is going on.

    I think I've posted this link before, but I think it is worth re-posting.

    http://www.hipforums.com/forum/topic/458019-treating-depression-and-anxiety/

    It's great that you don't take out your shit on other people. However, if you have a tendency to hold back your anger, finding a good channel for expressing it could be very helpful.

    Strongly agree with SoulComp, Meliai, Lynn, and YFM about meditation, exercise, and dietary changes.

    Yoga/Qi Gong/Tai Chi could be good too.

    Addressing the emotional roots of your depression may be the most important single thing that you can do.

    Hope that things can get better soon!
     
  11. FireflyInTheDark

    FireflyInTheDark Sell-out with a Heart of Gold

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    Thank you. I'm going to do my best to keep my momentum up from this latest breakthrough. I'm learning that momentum is key. If I settle into my rut, law of inertia says I'll stay there until something happens to force me out. -_-
     
  12. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

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    Unlikely anyone did diagnose you with clinical depression, as the PC police changed the name of it. Look up MDD on the net, there is no tangible metric in its diagnosis, doc cant just take a blood test, quote a magic number, oh, this means you have MDD, like they can with other ailments.

    MDD the acute variety, but depression is still just an umbrella term, for a hodgepodge of factors, causes, variables. Years of work to find out the main trigger(s) if ever, or more specifically, years of work to get you to accept it

    A year and 4 months since you broke up with this guy and you are still obsessing about this guy. Sounds like one of those big triggers, will look like that to everyone else....or its just being used to hide behind...or whats behind door number 3

    Door no.3 is the tricky one, something seemingly totally unrelated, you and everyone else had never even considered. Your own mind has never even let you know door no.3 even exists
     
  13. FireflyInTheDark

    FireflyInTheDark Sell-out with a Heart of Gold

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    She said I was depressed. Am I wrong in calling that clinical depression? If so, that's my mistake. I thought they were the same thing.

    Yes, he's a huge trigger. Trigger city. Trigger mania for an unlimited time. Hence why he must be eliminated. All he does is rub me the wrong way these days as well. Ever meet someone who's just perfectly fine as a person, but they're just kind of a dick and the way they go about things just pisses you off? He's okay, but not what I would consider friend material. Lust was the primary motivator for us getting together in the first place, and I wasn't taking it seriously, but then it got serious for really dumb reasons (both of us were vulnerable). He has abandonment issues and I have codependency issues. Stuck us to each other like glue. Somehow he managed to move on from all the shit while still seeing me, but seeing him continually has kept me in a holding pattern and limited my ability to move on. I thought if he could do it, I could do it. I was wrong. Now there is virtually no reason for us to continue being friends, especially when I have such a toxic reaction to him.

    I'm sure there is a door number 3, but until this one is resolved, I won't even begin to be able to look for it.
     
  14. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

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    Point I'm trying to get at is the way out in left field stuff

    The stuff youve hidden from you all this time

    Does it have anything to do with this guy, did you know all along it was going to fail, and did that give you a safe barrier to always protect you from getting into something where you knew you would be truely miserable

    Something that may actually have nothing to do with, guys, relationships, hormones

    Left field stuff, examing every thing in more than just one or two directions, then ask yourself what is the complete opposite of each, then with each what is the last thing that would seem to be related to it
     
  15. FritzDaKatx2

    FritzDaKatx2 Vinegar Taster

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    https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/3ibhkt/how_did_you_stop_overanalyzing_everything/
     
  16. FireflyInTheDark

    FireflyInTheDark Sell-out with a Heart of Gold

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    Like a gluten intolerance? I hear gluten causes all kinds of crazy shit. [​IMG]

    I get what you mean. I've had blood work drawn recently for a stomach problem (all clear, just inflammation related to anxiety) that has been paining me pretty much constantly over the last few years. I know that pain was contributing. I didn't realize how bad it was and how much energy it took out of me until it was gone. It made me want to eat constantly to quell the pain from the acid indigestion, it hurt like hell and made me tired and cranky so I didn't have the energy to do much, and it was a source of worry when it got really bad, because I had very little money to put toward copays. With that under control, I have definitely felt better and more empowered.

    My stepdad found out he was just over the line for diabetes a year ago and totally turned it around. He cut out sugar, got a physical job and started eating more quality food and he says his depression all but disappeared. For him, it was related to his diet. His blood sugar is pretty much normal now without medication and he feels better than he has in 30-40 years. And he's pissed at all the time he wasted emotionally scarfing down ice cream and brownies an unwittingly making his situation worse.

    As far as psychological left-field stuff, I'd be interested as well. I was actually looking into getting a full psych evaluation to get a real complete look at what I'm dealing with. There are some barriers to that, though, like needing a referral from a doctor, the fact that I need to establish a new doctor in my area (I never got a chance after I moved), more pressing things taking precedence and I'm running out of sick and vacation days, damn it. A lot of things are going to have to wait till the new year when my time off renews...
     

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