Sorry that you're suffering so much. Hey, you've got some people here though, don't you? Usually there's a way to make things better. It typically takes some kind of treatment method(s), a change in treatment, or some life change that gets at the root of why you don't want to live. Wishing you good things. I really hope that things can get better. You can PM me if you want
My so-called friends could give me a break and stop ignoring me. Every girl I've ever met could express the same interest in me that they express in everyone else. I don't even mean in a romantic way. It's like I was never even there. Nobody is phoning me asking what I'm doing. Nobody even cares that I'm around. I'm not a bad person, and I love my friends, so I guess I'm just boring. I know I have become too introspective to be much of a fun, outgoing person, but... Maybe time is on my side, and people will start to miss me. For the past couple of years it's been worse than people pretending I don't exist, though. It's been people directing their hatred squarely at me, for unfounded reasons. I'm ready for my life to be good. I've only suffered for thirty-eight years now. When are people going to realize that I love them.
I have the opportunity right now to leave this all behind and move to New Hampshire with a couple that I really like (and happen to give me loads of pot.) I'm really making an effort at getting good at my job, though. It's like a trade, and could be a good thing for me. It's something I'd love to excel at. Otherwise, no, I don't think about making a new start. I wouldn't know how. I couldn't. The people of my past weigh on my conscience too much. I just can't. I care too much.
Unfortunately, if your health is poor, and really especially if your mental health is poor, people tend to be unsupportive. It's not fair, it really ought to be the other way around, but that's how it is. Unfortunately, the lack of support tends to cause further declines. I guess people tend to be a little too selfish, and all too often abandon the idea of "a friend in need". If you can work on improving your health, you may be able to get things headed in a better direction
Hey @neonspectraltoast , have you ever thought about going to a support group or group therapy? Maybe if you call 211 or visit 211.org, they might have info on something in your area. That might be a source of community, maybe even a girlfriend or two
Fuck no. The last thing I need is more things to do. The thing is that I'm perfectly sane. Perhaps saner than most. A canary in a coal mine. My actions may seem severe sometimes, but they are for the best. People need to realize. And they often do, subsequently. But they still just think I'm the crazy person who showed them the light. I'm not the crazy person. They are the crazy people. And I am teaching them valuable lessons.
I don't give a shit if saying so is inconsiderate. If they do it in such a way a bunch of other people have to clean up your splattered body parts and someone had to watch you get hit on the windshield that is selfish. It is just what it is.
All the time when I was a kid. I felt like a fool since people half my size would pick on me. I did not like it when I beat them up. They would get all the marks and I was the bully. I did not like hurting them but also did not like getting picked on. I did not have any friends but one other boy. When we got to high school he said some pretty hurtful things and we never spoke again. I knew I was autistic and just felt alone. I got involved in some pretty bad things seeking some sort of self esteem. Alt-right movements I guess you would say that were very clear that since I was an Aryan white I was loved. I felt special around them. I took a bottle of pills once thinking I would not wake up. I did and had second thoughts.
Caring about the people who have to clean these assholes' body parts up is heartless and insensitive.
So what if someone was gang butt-raped 24/7/365 from birth until they were thirty, then they finally got a chance to escape and immediately threw themselves in front of a car. I'd admit that they wouldn't really be thinking of others, but would it really be fair to call them selfish assholes?