Dirty Jokes

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Annwyn'Bri, May 3, 2014.

  1. Rots in hell

    Rots in hell Senior Member

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    He pulled up his pants as quick as he could. But, his dad already seen him.


    You two ganging up on me ?
     
  2. GLENGLEN

    GLENGLEN Banned

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    His Father Didn't See Him......He Had Wanked Himself Blind......He Heard Him......Le Sigh......:anguished:



    Cheers Glen.
     
  3. Rots in hell

    Rots in hell Senior Member

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    His Father DID see him says so in the part of the joke I quoted ! Nowhere does it say " he heard him Jerkin " you just surmised that bit ??
    I was being Pedantic in retaliation for VG being a dick
    Le daft git :tongueout:
     
  4. rjhangover

    rjhangover Senior Member

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    Why is there a knob on the end? So yer hand don't slip off.
     
    Amerijuanican likes this.
  5. wilsjane

    wilsjane Nutty Professor HipForums Supporter

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    3 Cherokee squaws were sitting outside their wigwam discussing their proposed families. The first squaw who was sitting on a goat hide said that she wanted to have 2 children, while her friend who was sitting on her sheep hide decided that she was going to have 3 children.
    Suddenly the third squaw sat down on her hippopotamus hide and told her friends that she had decided to have 5 children in her family.

    Tell me when you start to laugh.!!!!!!!!!
     
  6. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

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    Oh my god!, another one, yes, took about 10 minutes

    This is the dirty joke thread, not the lame ass dad joke thread

    In that 10 minutes, I could have made a sandwich, thus, you owe me a sandwich, both you and Mallyboppa owe me a sandwich

    You didnt tell the "joke" right anyway, should have been 3,4,5

    Square of the hypotenuse (Squaw of the Hippopotamus) so no one else wastes time

    Can we get back to actual dirty (non dad) jokes please, I have a headache now, and no sandwich
     
    Amerijuanican, Eric! and wilsjane like this.
  7. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

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  8. rjhangover

    rjhangover Senior Member

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    What is the difference between a lentil and chickpea? Trump won't pay a thousand dollars to have a lenil on his face.
     
    MeAgain likes this.
  9. rjhangover

    rjhangover Senior Member

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    The expressions are priceless.....
    [​IMG]
     
  10. Amerijuanican

    Amerijuanican Banned

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  11. tkm954

    tkm954 sub

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    Four words a man never wants to hear a woman ask?Is it in yet?Three words a woman never wants a man to reply? I can't tell!
     
    GLENGLEN and Eric! like this.
  12. Catcher

    Catcher Members

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    If a swan brings WHITE babies and
    a crow brings BLACK babies,
    what brings NO babies?


    a swallow
     
  13. Catcher

    Catcher Members

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    Sorry Riverman18. I DID NOT see you already posted that one, oops
     
  14. Mountain Valley Wolf

    Mountain Valley Wolf Senior Member

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    This one's dirty in a different way:

    A little boy goes with his mother to visit an elderly lady.
    There happens to be peanuts all over the lady's table so while the mother and the lady talk, the little boy starts eating the peanuts.
    After a while he finished all of them, so when his mother was done talking and they got up to leave, the little boy politely thanked the lady for the peanuts.
    "That's ok,' she answered, "ever since I lost my dentures, I can only suck the chocolate off of them."
     
    GLENGLEN likes this.
  15. Flashdown

    Flashdown Members

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    A guy is getting married, but he has never had sex before and is very naive. His friends knew this and they told him that a woman's vagina has teeth and it is going to hurt the first time he has sex.

    On the honeymoon night he is in bed with his bride, she is ready for action and he does not want to do anything. After a while she asks him what's wrong and he tells her what his friends said. She told him to go down and have a look and he will see there are no teeth.

    He goes down has a look comes up and says to her " you are right there are no teeth, but whoever pulled the teeth made a fuckup with the gums!"
     
    GLENGLEN likes this.
  16. Flashdown

    Flashdown Members

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    Dad catches his son masturbating and the son has come on his hand. The dad grabs his hand and says to him "look at that, that could have been a doctor, a professor or even a lawyer, stop doing that"

    Next time the boy finished mastrubating he looks at the come in his hand and thinks " that could have been a doctor, a professor or even a lawyer". He licks his hand swallows and says "o well let's give them another chance"
     
    Josh987654321 and GLENGLEN like this.
  17. Niamh2636

    Niamh2636 Members

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    This is the only semi rude joke I know.

    What's the difference between your bonus and your penis......
    The wife will always blow your bonus.

    I was told that 'joke' years ago and for some reason never forgot it.
     
    newbie-one likes this.
  18. Rots in hell

    Rots in hell Senior Member

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    The girlfriend suggested we spice things up a bit and play Doctors and Nurses.

    So I put her on a trolley in the hall and ignored her for 48 hour's.
     
  19. Rots in hell

    Rots in hell Senior Member

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    Me and my girlfriend were on the sofa last night, getting all hot and steamy.

    She whispered in my ear "Shall we take this upstairs"?

    I replied "Go on then, you grab this end and I'll get the other"
     

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