How many is too many?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by fraggle_rock, Apr 8, 2014.

  1. Just for fun

    Just for fun Live your best life

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    If you are free and not hurting anyone then there is no limit why count.
     
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  2. Kirstie

    Kirstie Members

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    These days it shouldn't matter how many people our partners has slept with, whether its 2+ people or 2000+ people.
    If any person is accepted as enjoying penis/vagina as his/her sexuality preference, regardless of how many other men/woman he/she engages with, then surely society must encourage them to do so. If not then they are a bigot, homophobe or whatever. If you disapprove of this opinion then you're a bigot and don't deserve an opinion or any free speech, as that is the exact 100% state of affairs these days as per political correctness.
    Society accepted political correctness, so lets deal with it... eh lefties.
     
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  3. MidnightSea

    MidnightSea Members

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    Resurrecting an old thread here, just because I think there might be a point people are missing on this recurring theme.

    In some situations (I'm not saying all) the number itself isn't the problem, it's that it's an indicator of a person's perspective on sex, and that's what's causing some difficult feelings.

    If your number is very different from your partner's, it's possible that one of you has a more casual threshold for having sex with someone. I have found that it's pretty important to be with someone who fairly closely shares your views on the matter, regardless of what those views are. Do you feel comfortable banging someone in a night club bathroom and never knowing their name? Probably should be with someone who feels the same way. Do you think that sex should only happen within the confines of marriage? Probably should be with someone who shares that view. The perspectives don't have to be identical, but they really should be very similar. Otherwise, it's easy to see where some really unpleasant feelings could result - for both people - because the meaning that is attached to sex might be very different, and that's an easy way for someone to get hurt.

    With that said, perspectives do naturally change over time and your sexual activity threshold may not be set at the same spot it was in the past. But it's not really the past that matters - if you both have similar views NOW then you're both going to feel the same way about your partner's past and your own. SO much of the trouble surrounding this subject is the worry that your partner is happy about the things in their past you're uncomfortable with, or vice versa.
     
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  4. Just for fun

    Just for fun Live your best life

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    Excellent post accurately explained. When 2 people discuss long term relationship it is important to discuss past relationships and promiscuity to see how equal they are to avoid future problems.

    Personally, my girl and i totally opened up to each other and found we were very much the same. We're not sure who had more partners, we lose count at about 60 each. She has had more interracial and DP's and gang bangs than me but that's OK. She was a call girl for a while and got paid for her sex. I too had sex for money for about a year longer than she.

    We both had sex gay sex and admitted we love it. This information we share is never tabboo we actually get excited discussing it occasionally.

    If we kept quiet about our past escapades like many do there would be problems for sure as I have read in some posts here on HF.
     
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  5. MidnightSea

    MidnightSea Members

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    Yep, open communication is everything. It doesn't have to be a numbers conversation, but having a talk about norm-compatibilty is really important early on. The worst thing is finding out you're coming from 2 totally different perspectives after deep feelings have already developed.
     
  6. Scharff

    Scharff Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    Doesn't matter how many. Maybe it did when I was younger but not now. My FWB has seen many, many men and I'm one of them. No matter. I know a woman who is a knockout at 55 and says that while she has kept count of all the men she's been with (she includes any sex act), she only USED to be embarrassed by how slutty she was when she was younger. Now she's proud of the number unless she thinks of her teenage son. We mostly live our own lives and make our own decisions.
     
  7. Just for fun

    Just for fun Live your best life

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    Sex organs were made to be used, but wisely meaning don't get pregnant unless you want to. Why count? You don't count how many means you've eaten, why count sex acts? The only time 'how many' becomes important is when somebody brings it up because to them it is important, due to jealousy or religion or some ridiculous written moral code people follow.
     
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  8. Piobaire

    Piobaire Village Idiot

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    penis-fracture.png
     
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  9. Just for fun

    Just for fun Live your best life

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    What's love what's love got to do with it? If both are willing participants what's stopping you?
     
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  10. Si69

    Si69 Senior Member Lifetime Supporter

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    I didn't get married until I was forty and my wife and I compared tallies...I counted up 65 women and about 10 guys; she had been with around 15 guys, no women. She was 29.

    Not really a lot for either if us over the years involved since we lost our viginities!

    30 years on I have raised my guy tally hugely, but not my female one; my wife, as far as I know has only added a few guys.

    For me sex is part of life along with eating, drinking and shitting.....

    Simon :)
     
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  11. scratcho

    scratcho Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    100 years from now, there will be a whole new set of people on the earth. (if we're not extinct.) Neither will a single one of them know anything anyone did today nor will they care. Especially about sex. As Janis said--"get it while you, can.". Life for us humans is regrettably short.
     
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2021
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  12. Alonso376

    Alonso376 Members

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    Except the fact that we're the first set of humans that's ever lived where our great great great grandchildren can see all our lives through our social media's and online content.
     

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