the repercussions of not having a father?

What you say is so true.

Over the years, quite a lot of of our friends are builders, car mechanics an a few bikers, all of who are genuinely nice people.
Neither Jane or I have any time for guys wearing an expensive suit and driving the latest sports car. Most of them just seem to be assholes who are only interested in people who they can use. It may take me a bit longer, but Jane can see through them within less than an hour

 

A child who sees loving parents and experiences love from the parents has a better start than one who grows up in an unhealthy relationship and witness conflict and blame name calling and put downs, and does not experience love

 

Dear mother dear father!
What is this hell you have put me through?
Believer, deceiver
Day in day out live my life through you!
Pushed unto me what's wrong or right
Hidden by this thing that they call...
Life!

 

Parthenogenesis. Send in the clones!

 

My folks got divorced when I was 13 and my mother was given custody of me. About three months later I got a cut above my eye when one of my buddies accidentally elbowed me during basketball training. By the time I got home my eye was black & blue and almost closed. My mom insisted that my story was just a cover up and that I was being bullied at school which wasn't true but she was having none of it. Next day I was certain she was gonna rock up at school and see the Principal. Thankfully she didn't.

Instead when I got home she sat me down and she goes: "I realise that you no longer have a father ... a man who can teach you how to defend yourself in a fist fight."
Me: "Mom!"
Mom: "So I've arranged with an old friend to teach you self defence."

So for the next six months I spent two hours every Saturday morning at "Joe's Boxing Academy."

Was she being over protective?

 

I didn’t have a dad around growing up.

 

I didn't have a dad growing up and I turned out just fine (I think)

I do feel this profound sadness when I think of what might have been. My father died when I was 18 months old so I don't even have any memories. He's this myth that lives in photographs and other people's stories. I don't mourn for something I lost but rather dwell on something I never had. I'd give anything to have even 1 memory of him. Anyway it's a different kind of hurt, a different kind of sad. And maybe while that has affected me at times, his absence didn't. I had a no nonsense mother who made sure I was raised right. And now she's remarried and I have a stepdad and it is great because I won't miss out on all the father stuff as an adult like I did when I was a child. But now I am sad and must go

 

I really sucks not having a dad around when you a kid. I mean he's the guy who's gonna teach you how to tinker with a motor vehicle engine, how to maybe stand up to a bully, take you to a ball game or take you fishing.
On the other hand if your dad was always drunkl and beat up on your mom or his kids, I guess you can do without him.

 

I had no idea
I'm so sorry

 

Thank you Bagel <3 And I was sorry to read about your dad as well

 

metallica kick arse!
(Do as I say not as I do, that line always resonates with my bro and myself)

Both my dads were twats.
Real dad fucked off before I was born, or very soon after, step dad referred to my brother and I as “your bastard sons” when talking to my mum. He was a violent alcoholic most of the time.

I will not walk in there shoes.

I am a father.

 

we wer so poor

 

Born the wrong side of the blanket I grew up without a dad. It meant a lot more pressure on my mum to be both mother and father, and the strain wore her down. By the time I was eleven she had to give up work due to nervous exhaustion, so all through my teenage years we had to live on state benefits. We were very poor and I was always told that others were better than us and not to get ideas above my station. So as a child I had very low self esteem, and that continues to a degree even though I'm now 70. Our family consisted of just me and my mum and she never married, so when I hit puberty I had no idea how to talk to girls, and I struggled for years to understand the dynamic between the grown up husbands and wives who were the parents of my friends.

My mum had been rejected by her own dad because he was convinced she wasn't his daughter (long and very sad story), so she had never been shown any love or affection by either of her parents. She had no idea how to be loving or affectionate with me, and due to this lack of physical intimacy with my own mother when I was a baby I've never felt comfortable hugging or cuddling another person. I struggled (and continue to struggle to this day) with physical intimacy, even with my wife of 36 years, and still find myself flinching if she touches me unexpectedly. By that I don't mean sexual touching, just if she brushes by me, or accidentally touches my arm or hand at any time. Thankfully she is a very touchy feely person and our children have never lacked the physical closeness I was denied when I was young.

I was also expected to be a delinquent by the neighbours, and to an extent I lived up to that by dropping out of school as soon as I was legally able to do so, despite being in the top class of my year. However, it was because of our poverty that I left school, and as soon as I'd left I found myself a job and worked for the next 10 years, until I was old enough to apply for a university place as a mature student. I was lucky and got in, but then spent the next four years having to play catch up with all the younger students who'd come up through the education system and knew how to write an essay. I did manage to get a degree though, and after a couple of false starts I managed to put it to some use, and I found that having those two letters BA after my name opened doors that otherwise would have been slammed in my face.

I've now retired from being a computer programmer and have the time to study my own life in detail to try and understand the differences being fatherless has made to it. I think they've been mainly bad rather than good, i.e. lack of money, lack of moral support, lack of role model on how to be a man, etc. But I also think that growing up with only a woman's perspective on life has helped me understand the female viewpoint better, and I've always tried to be honest and respectful with all the women I've known.

 

my father left when I was 3 months old and tried to come back in my life when i was 12 he tried to get custody of me but lost to be honest i really didnt wanna go anywhere with him i barely knew him the only ones i acknowledge is my mom and stepfather he raised me from i was a baby till grown age i havent talked to my father since i was 12 and im 28 it used to hurt me wondering why he never love or care for me not anymore im grateful who raised me plus i moved foward with my life

 

My father passed away while I was 13 years old. Raised by my sister and mother. Then the abusive brother. If my dad was still alive. He would've kicked my brothers ass to the ground. And I honestly think I'll be completely different person then I am now.

 

It just takes one arsehole to ruin your life doesn't it? Especially when you're going through puberty and having to deal with all the hormonal changes as you move from childhood to adolescence. I don't envy you having a brother like that. I sometimes think it would have been good to have a sibling or two, but from what you've written, I think I'm better off just being an only child after all.

 

Yeah. It messed me up good. I'm with you on the sibling part. I do wish I was the only child sometimes also.

 

My dad was a great man and I miss him dearly. Because of that I don’t think I could be a stepdad. Kids raised nowadays by single moms are lost. I learned a great deal from my dad and I believe that single moms have done a lot of damage by the time they’re 3 years old!

 

While helping with a youth group. We had single mothers drop their kids off. While playing basketball, One little guy was quite a hot dog. Make a fancy move for a lay-up. Then said; Who's your daddy. To which another little guy said; How the hell would I know, momma's not even sure! pretty sharp for a 10-11 year old boy. We were supposed to be teaching right and wrong, but what could you say?