the repercussions of not having a father?

Kind of hesitate to mention, but mother ran off when I was 4 and lived in a car in Mexico, dad was a butthole with whom I never even had a 5 minute conversation, so my gramma "raised me." It upset me for some years, but I had a pretty strong personality from sort of raising myself. Never saw her much after she left, and the dad didn't have the balls ( or desire) to raise a kid. Xmas of 1965 I called him and mentioned that we had been estranged long enough, hadn't we? His reply (through the step mother who had answered the phone)---"tell him to go fuck himself." In conclusion-----I'd say that I had no plan on where I was going, what I was going to do with my days, what kind of job, whatever---which I'm sure most kids get that kind of direction from mom and dad.
But if one doesn't get that kind of guidance---it just takes a little longer to figure out some direction. I eventually did and a few hits of windowpane brought some clarity as to why things happened the way they did in my youth. Probably a good thing they didn't stay together with their attitudes about children. -----------------I have made up for all that by being a single parent and doing a damn good job of it, if I say so myself!!

 

Bullshit man, there are a crapload more 30 yr olds today still living with their parents than back when you were 30

Direction with what? Your mommy and daddy are supposed to work out for you what you want to do with your life?

Most guys are idiots, role models my ass. All of a sudden they are going to have a clue because they busted a nut in some lady's hoo haa 15 years previously? C'mon

Why do you think you got the 'tell him to go fuck himself comment'? ...because he was bitter and miserable for 20, 30 years because your mother never wanted to fuck him. Or instead of spending money on a nice home at the time he wanted to spend it on booze and gambling.

At least half the guys out their are like that man, little twerps that never grow up.

Reconcile with the guy, and you know what would have happened, might have lasted a couple months before you catch yourself thinking, wow this guy is s fucking loser, I dont want him near my kids

 

And this is why I didn't particularly want to mention what happened in my life. A minor philosophical musing and this is what I get. You seem to know all about me and what I meant. You know shit, boy.

 

You know what i mean though, there are dickhead guys everywhere, so some of us end up with dickhead fathers, meh, no surprise

 

I know plenty of single mothers who have done just fine raising thier sons, and thier sons are outstanding young
men now. However, they did wish they had a positive male role model though, and was mainly for thier sons to be able to talk about things guys go through growing up.

 

i wouldnt know..my father is great

my father is my best friend

 

Mine was an asshole, but I gave up worrying about him years ago. He must have had a shitty life as a kid and as happens, he ---perhaps unable to stop himself, carried on with what he knew. He was a success as a banker, but not so much with the rest of the family with the things he pulled. That's the way it goes---can't choose who brings you in.
Any time someone starts bitching about being mistreated by parents ---my answer is --cut ém loose. Basically that's what I did.

 

I agree scratcho. I don't believe in that shit about how we should always be there for family even when they're toxic. I distanced myself from my sister years ago, and I don't regret it at all. She made my life a living hell and I'm happier now.

 

Lemme ask you this and this life that you live, and lemme try to swerve some of this attention you give them asshole family over ham dinners, if they really missed you so much why don't they just call and shit? Muthfarkos. And If you weren't blood would you still have love or in fact does the blood make you think you have to love? I mean I love my family probably more than anybody here and my homies are family too, 3rd cousins pfffff get outta here.

Who loaned you money? Homie
Who owes you cash? Homie
Who taught you how to use the bong for the grass? Homies
I dunno much but I gotta assume when you got your first girlie your homies was in the other room

 

Hunt up some of those posts from 5 years ago or so, the way you were talking about you sister, a lot more defensively.

Back when the nephew was younger, a little tyke that needed protection.

You have grown up, he has gotten older, needs those women around him to be less protective. Thus no reason to put up with as much of your sisters shit as you used to.

As soon as kids pop out, all those family dynamics change, change again once those kids get past the preschool age, start to turn into little people.

You dont think there is anyone around you that saw this coming? Your mother, maybe one of her boyfriends, whoever
.....

 

You dont want the dirty laundry in regards to your father aired....because why? What does it matter?

If that is the truth, all the guys like that are forever resentful to the kids because the mother never gave them enough sex or miserable cunts because instead of spending money on a nice home for the kids, or making sure the kids have nice things they wanted to spend the money on a sports car, or drinking or gambling.

What is it you think you are hiding / protecting? Especially from all the women out there.

And the current lady he is with, you know full well as soon as you say "he was a success as a banker" thus there is money involved, you know what the guys are just going to think....uhhh huh, there is more money floating around so she is going to work harder to keep him happy in the bedroom....until she gets fed up and takes her share of the pie.

What dont I know?

 

They've been dead since 1965 and 1971. They are of no concern to me. You make up some interesting bullshit. Anyway ,give it up dipshit---focus your imagination on someone ,else.

 

My dad and I were tight. True, he had a lot of problems. He never learned to deal with my mom's death or his experiences in Vietnam and he was an alcoholic in denial. We always had each other's back though. I feel bad for kids that don't have fathers in their lives.

 

Damn you remember everything lol

Well yeah, once he was older and I wanted to have my own life, and I had the ability to do so, she saw that and me wanting a life outside of being her caregiver slave, she didn't like it. I hoped I had done enough for the kid, told my mother to stop placating her and letting her treat her like shit, and I peaced out. Everything I warned my mom about happened and now she's miserable and broken. I feel bad for her but I wasn't going to let my sister do it to me. Now I'm the only one there for her and she realizes she fucked me over to make sure the daughter who actually needed discipline got whatever she wanted. That's life, I guess.

 

Sisters can be very cruel to each other when they are in their teens. Our 2 daughters were always fighting over nothing, but 10 years later, they are now the best of friends.
Perhaps it is now time to put the past behind you and look to a happier future with your sister, rather than dwelling on what happened when you were younger..

 

My father died when I was a child, but I still have memories of going to work wit him and sitting on the control desk at nuclear power stations, not to mention having to slither under a broken down train and tell him what had happened to the wiring. The power was still on and I was inches from the 720 volt live rail, so you can imagine what would have happened with today's health ans safety laws in place.

No doubt, this made me the nutty professor that I am today, so I can understand the influence that having a father who was a complete looser or alcoholic can have on children, but they should see the error of his ways and rise above it..

Just as well that my father was not a chimney sweep, LMAO.

 

My dad died when I was 8. My mom did a phenomenal job alone, she really has been the most perfect mother ever. But there are some things i've missed about having a dad over the years.

 

This sentence in particular, I only ever hear that kind of sentiment from gay people, that you 10,20 even 40 years ahead of parents or other older relatives know whats more likely to happen And its not about being smarter or better or even being gay, just about seeing everything from a different angle


Whereas from most of the heterosexuals you will get this kind of stuff:

That its just a matter of everyone getting older, growing up, mellowing out.

Which is not what is going to happen as your sister will always hook up with a certain type of guy, who as everyone gets older will simply be to much noise and drama to be around especially her and him together. And of course not everyone does grow up and mellows out when they get older, most people get worse

You say your mother is miserable and broken now, you are probably underestimating how much of that has to do with not having a 3 yr old close by to help care for. But on the flip side it is probably not until recently that it has clicked with her that she shouldnt have babied your sister so much, should have been firmer. I am assuming she is at least 50, you knew this as a teen, babying your sister was not going to end well, how is it you knew 30 years ahead of your mother if everyone is supposed to get wiser as they get older and all that shit

 

You wouldn't say that if you knew her. She isn't just a mean girl. She's diagnosed mentally ill and she refuses to take care of it. I can't help someone who doesn't want to help herself. I spent years putting my life aside to take care of the kid she had to trap her boyfriend of the time, all while mentally abusing me and my mother. She had a deep hatred towards me because she wanted to be an only child. I may have cut her off, but she would've done so (and has several times) herself as soon as I stopped being useful to her. She only wants people around to be of service to her and she gives nothing in return. I could see if it was a few isolated events but it wasn't. It was constant every day up until the day I moved out. It's not a grudge, I stepped away because I care about my mental well being more than hers. I don't feel bad about that.I

 

Well yeah, of course she's traumatized because she formed a bond with the kid, as I did. But she kind of saw him as a second chance. He was an extension of her that she could try to do better with and then he was ripped away. I didn't go into detail on that as I didn't think anyone wanted to hear me rant lol

She's recently acknowledged and apologized because she realized she raised us completely differently. She saw her as needy and moody and she needed more attention because she was so very depressed when I was born. I learned how to entertain myself easily so my mom kind of left me to my own devices more. She was expected to act out and it was always forgiven easily. But if I did anything a fraction as bad as her, I got punished way more harshly. Whatever I wanted was put aside because life would go smoother if my sister was placated.

Believe it or not, I don't hold grudges when someone knows what they did wrong and apologizes sincerely for it . My sister to this day won't admit she ever treated us badly and thinks we're assholes for finally putting a stop to it. What my mom seemed to need was for me to leave her with my sister and see what she's like without me being the lightning rod.