Living with a small penis

Maybe it's selective memory? Maybe it's less? I haven't dared measure it since I was 20. (I'm not 26. Maybe it's shrunk?)
4,9" is at it's most hard.

I remember my first girlfriend expressing surprise how much bigger it was when we were in the shower and she directed the shower head to my groin. It really grows bigger under certain stimulation.
So, in regular mood, during sex, say, it's probably 4,5 or something. I dunno.

Side note: With my first girlfriend, it took her three months to get comfortable with the idea of having sex, and I spent those three months reminding her it was small and that she shouldn't expect much. (She didn't see it until those months out of her choice). When she did see it, she was, obviously, relieved. But I learned that helped. To exaggerate, lower expectations, so that the actual penis seems larger in contrast.

Is it my low self-esteem that is causes my penis-anxiety, OR is it that my small penis (or perception of it) that has caused my low self-esteem?...

I certainly never feel like a real man who can have a normal sex life. I never use the word "fu*k" since I feel that is reserved for guys with bigger dicks, who can truly "pump" or "fu*k" a girl... With me it's more soft-core making love or love making... You know?
It's hard to (pardon my french) "fu*k a girls brains out" with a dick that keeps slipping out with too much motion...
(PS: Not that I'm some sexist pig who actually says things like that or have aggressive fantasies about such things... I am not fooled by pornography into thinking all girls like being flipped over and pounded hard and fast by a big man...)
And I know some girls dislike big penises. They're painful, I know. And guys like me, with small penises or insecurity, tend to develop other, say oral, techniques.
But I dont want a huge penis. Just not a small one, nor a tiny one. I would never have surgery, as that would make it worse, probably, but, say, 6-7 inches.

Am I wrong? Having had drunken public bathroom sex with guys a few times, I know from experience that when taking a guys pants off, I feel both intimidated by a 8 inches barrelling out, but also very aroused....

 

It hasn't shrunken. My penis is 5 inches at its most erect state. When it's at the so-called "fully erect" state, it may be a little less than that. So we're actually not that different where the penis size is concerned.

And yes, certain types of stimulation make your penis more erect, it's a natural reaction.

It's most likely your misconception about the penis size matter that is contributing to the already existing self-esteem issue, and thus it's causing your penis anxiety which further feeds your low self-esteem.

Okay, so you're saying that, by your logic, I shouldn't feel like a real man with my more-or-less 5 inch penis, and I shouldn't think that I'm capable of having "normal" sex(well, under different circumstances I might start my rant about how boring "normal" is, but fortunately I know what you mean, so I shall be a good boy, lol), or I shouldn't use the term "fuck" because that's reserved for guys with bigger dicks, and that I shouldn't feel like I'm capable of fucking my SO's brains out. Am I on the right track?

I've always been under the impression that guys with less than 6 inch dicks do that ANYWAY.

Just because you say you want to "fuck someone's brains out" doesn't automatically mean you're a sexist pig. Now you make ME feel like I'm one, lol. xD

Actually, penis size shouldn't be the reason for developing various other techniques for non-intercourse. Just because you have a big dick doesn't mean you should slack off where oral sex is concerned. Conversely, just because you have a "small" penis doesn't mean you should give up learning to use your penis better.
Well, surgery would most likely make things worse, yes. But anyway, this is what I'm talking about. You're not happy with your dick. I think the poor thing needs a little more respect from you, you know?

Umm...in short? Yeah. xD I mean, you're (almost, lol) making me feel like some sort of little dickhead sexist pig with a huge ass ego who thinks he can satisfy girls with his totally inexperienced('cause I'm still a virgin, lol) 5-incher, lol. Well, I like to think I'm a gentle lover, and I like to think that I'm good at communicating with my partner. Like I said before, you and I are really not that different in terms of penis size. But why am I so happy with my little guy while you have to be so miserable about yours? I mean, you're more experienced than I am to begin with. You certainly are doing fine in that respect. It's just that you have very little confidence in yourself. I'm confident enough to know I'll most likely have a very difficult time controlling my orgasm for my first time sex. But I'm also confident that I will do my utmost to please my wonderful partner(who is also a virgin), and I know that it will be a special time for both. From that point on, it's all about making progress. This is positive thinking. It's really not about the size but HOW you can use it. If you've heard this before, BELIEVE IT. They didn't just say it to make you feel better. They said it because it's TRUE. And if you hear some women say that size DOES matter, and that they prefer to be filled up and stretched full, remember this; that's THEM. Let them enjoy big ones. In the meantime, enjoy your almost-5-inch wild snake! Little snakes are often more deadly than the huge ones, you know?

 

anything under 4 inches is small. Anything about 7 inches is large. Everyhting in between is just right. Girth is another thing.....

 

I was with someone who was definitely much smaller in that area. It wouldn't have mattered at all to me but his poor self esteem was crippling. It was rigid and very impersonal, like he was stuck in his own world and insecurities instead of actually paying attention to me in an intimate moment. It was ultimately something that ruined the whole experience for both of us, and it had nothing to do with the size. I think people put far far too much importance on something that's really very trivial.

 

I hear ya. I know the biggest drawback in the insecurity. It's what killed by last relationship, and what's the killing the present one... It's hard to get over though. All I do is worry and self-deprecate.
I can't help feeling my girlfriend should be with a bigger man... One that would really make her feel something and pleasure her in "that" way.
Like I said, it's not like girls actually ever fantasize about smaller penises.
Best case scenario is if she doesn't care or has low expectations.

 

Right. The problem with any self-deprecation. Once you start listing your flaws you realize you are also saying people with similar problems are losers as well.
But that's not what I mean.

People live healthy lives and "normal" lives with all kinds of disabilities.
So, I'm not saying anything about you or your life, just my own... I hope.

I guess it comes down to this (unrealistic scenario):
If a girl had to choose between two guys who had identical personalities and that she knew equally well, but one had a 7 incher and the other a four incher... she'd choose the 7 incher. She would get more pleasure. She would feel it more and maybe feel more 'sexually entranced'... Right?
A lot of girls feel that size does matter.

Remember that documentary? "My Penis and I". About that guy with the 3 inch penis (I think).
He talked to these girls who told him that size did not matter. But once they got drunk they all agreed that size DID matter and that sex with a small penis just wasn't any good, on a purely physical level.

Game, set, match!

 

To be honest, I can't speak for all women obviously, but for me, I don't sit around fantasizing about penises. It's just something that doesn't happen. I'll fantasize about a situation or an encounter but that's way different. I can tell you you are putting far too much importance on this. Maybe try learning a new trick, something to play around with that doesn't involve actual penetration. Maybe as you develop skills in different areas you'll become more confident in the whole sexual encounter. But don't play yourself down, you are much more than your length. And if a woman is going to leave you for it, it would be because of the insecurity not because of the actual member.

 

For a long time I've felt that penetration is the least important part of sex. Ever since I had the best sex I've ever had with a girl who wanted to remain - technically - a virgin. So it's not that.
Besides, I don't last long with penetration.

But, it's more about the overall experience. I know women aren't "object oriented" like men (who focus on the genitals, breasts, etc), but that's my point. Women are more abstract in attraction. They want the whole package.
I just wish my whole package was a big penis. Even if it wasn't about penetration, I'd like the idea of my girl getting hot thinking of my penis and wanting to - maybe, just once in a while - wrap her lips around my big member... You know? It's an abstraction. An aesthetics thing.

 

It's impossile to measure a penis to such a high precision as the 5.9", as previously stated, as the length, even when seemingly fully erect can still vary slightly depending on how aroused it becomes. From standard erection to the state of being 'painfully aroused' the difference can be up to ½" - or more (also affecting the girth).

As for size being a matter of selective memory, the penis itself doesn't shrink, but as you get older & 'put on a few pounds', the amount showing beyond the pubis appears less.

The most accurate & undisputable method of measuring penis length is to insert it into a tube, such as a length of plastic drainpipe, with something rigid inside it (such as a ruler, or a length of dowelling, etc.) and measure how far you can get it in (i.e. how far you can force the inner guage out of the tube). "Internet Inches" tend to show the 'average' penis to be 7" - 8", but in my personal experience, not many have exceeded my own slightly above average size of 6½". The longest I've experienced was about 7", but a very narrow girth (ideal for Anal Sex).

 

That's true. We haven't gone into girth, which matters as well. Suffice to say it ain't thick. I haven't measured - or dared to - it girth-wise. I seem to remember it fit into a toilet roll without problems. So not very thick.

And yes, the measurements are not exact. I had to push the ruler hard into the flesh around to get that reading...
But, again, when all the penises I've seen personally have more or less been big enough for both my hands - whereas mine barely has room for one hand, unless it's fully erect - all that measuring-pedantics seems silly. I have to get exceptionally well aroused, push the ruler and all that, to get a reading that would almost be a halfway-point of those other pricks (pun intended)
Am I too worried about measuring up to other guys? Probably.
Do I discount the emotional/love/female factor? Sure...

What bothers me is guys online saying: "Is my penis too small?" and people saying yes when what they are showing is six, seven or eight inches.
What bothers me is the fear that my partner secretly fantasizes about a big dick that will make her feel like a woman, and will cause that pain-pleasure threshold that is tied to all sexuality.
That some african-american delivery boy shows up at her door (no racism intended here) and she just starts drooling... And then I come home, and she thinks... oh, shit... attack of the four incher again.

Question though: If I feel the friction during intercourse, does she? Or does it take more friction for women? (Discounting orgasm here)

 

I have been with a couple of guys with small dicks, and I can truly tell you it isn't size that matters, it's state of mind. The first small one I had was smaller than yours. 4 inches when hard. I was pretty young then, and the guy was extremely self-conscious of it, which ruined the sex.

More recently though I was with a guy who was even smaller. 3 inches fully hard. He didn't mention it at all before we got down to business. He simply let me pull down his pants and discover it for myself. I was not put off at all, and he was confident and certainly knew how to use it. If anything it turned me on discovering the size of it.

I don't want to draw too much of a comparison, as I know it's not the same, but I have especially small boobs. They barely exist and I have really small nipples too. I have become extremely confident at taking my top off, and the guys I'm with don't bat an eyelid.

I guess my advice is exude confidence even if you don't feel it and you won't get bad reactions.

 

That's incredibly mean for a woman to do. I'm sure she'd slap you in the face if you laughed at the size of her breasts or something. Those girls are just loose bitches.

My SO has a 6ish incher and I love it. Don't feel bad. Besides, those with average sized penises try harder to please. Some guys with bigger dicks just think all they have to do is show up and you get an orgasm. My ex was an 8-incher and all he did was pound. There's fun pounding (like switching from going soft to going hard) and then there's vagina-numbing pounding.

 

I know you didn't mean that.

BUT.............

Dude, you're doing it again! xD Since when is having a penis that's roughly 5 inches a "disability"?? You are NOT disabled, I'm not disabled(even though some people might think I am psychologically so...well, that's another story, lol). Having a 4 or 5 inch penis isn't a disability at all. It's just like having boobs that are like, I dunno, A-cup? Nothing wrong with A-cups, in fact they are quite nice!

Not necessarily. I know at least a few girls who would choose the smaller one because 7 inches would be too big for them. The problem is that you assume too much, and you worry too much.

I haven't seen that documentary. But it sounds like a biased film if their conclusion was that bigger was better. The fact is that it's still up to the individual in terms of the size preference. To some girls, smaller ones are better because big ones hurt them. Some girls like 'em big. Those girls can go and have big ones. You should be with those who appreciate you for who you are, your almost 5 inch penis and all.

 

Put quite simply, if youve reached the point of having sex, that shoud add something to your self confidence. If you repeatedly succeed in having sex with the same partner, that should prove that there's no problem in the first place. If there was, it wouldn't be likely you'd get a chance for a repeat performance in the first place.

 

Will you marry me??

Small breasts, likes smaller penises... you're my dream woman. I'm in love.

btw: Like I said, I spent three months preparing my ex for my size. Just to lower her expectations.
(Of course, it only cemented her view of me as an insecure man).

I still feel a man should let a woman know before it goes too far. Let her know that you're not a "big" man and ask her if she's ok with it.
I even saw this youtube video of a woman in her forties who said, specifically, that girls want to know in advance. It's not a deal breaker, but they want to be prepared. So, quote, to "make sure there are batteries in the toys when the time comes"...
Maybe that's not speaking for all girls. But still, if some women want to know in advance, isn't it better to inform her early? So she wont get disappointed or start laughing.

 

You say that like you think thats a good thing

 

Hey! Watch what you say around my love
She's isn't the type who sits around thinking of cocks. She's a "real class act". :love:
Never thought I'd use the words class act. lol.

 

Actually, I take the opposite view on this piece of advice when flirting or even dating.

NEVER volunteer a piece of information about yourself unless the girl makes the move first to WANT to know first, and even the man can deflect playfully or dodge the question respectfully. If you want to take it up a level try to make her inquisitive remark come full circle to reveal something about her without losing that playful vibe of conversation.

Girls find that kind of flirting to be exciting and it tends to work out for the guy, at least in my experience and observations.

In most cases, the act of revealing the information, like size for instance, in of itself is the passion killer and turn off, not the size itself. This isn't just true for guys on the smaller side either, in this day and age when a guy mentions size without being asked, the girl might think sex is all he wants or all he thinks that matters.

So no, I'd strongly recommend to be more reserved, and let a girl rate a guys skills in the bedroom from her own experience with you rather than talk and conjecture.

 

Well, Monk, this is where I sort of disagree but also kinda agree with you. I shall explain. I agree with you that one should NOT volunteer the information about one's penis size being SMALL, but that is IF one volunteers it in an (almost) apologetic fashion. I think that's what I get from reading the OP's posts.

Isreal, please correct me if I'm wrong. I'm open to being corrected.

Anyway, Monk, I disagree with you, respectfully so I might add, on what you've said about being "reserved". That still may not eliminate the risk of the girl's discovering that one's penis is not as large as she first expected and, if she's a ditsy brat, she might simply laugh at the small penis in front of her and leave. That, to me, isn't a solution.

OP - my advice, if anything, may seem pretty horrible. But it's not. It's really about gaining the self confidence aspect, and about meeting someone who appreciates you as a whole. So, here it is:

The first and the foremost thing to do is to become happy with your dick. Really, there's no way around that one. So many guys with dicks smaller than yours are happy in their relationships. Learn from them.

Second, CONFIDENTLY, and HUMOUROUSLY, announce that you have a small penis. Laugh about it, but WITHOUT getting verbally self-abusive about it. And do NOT EVER be apologetic about your size, either! If you must, develop a mentality like "if you can't dig my small dick, then it's your fucking loss, BITCH! 'Cause you know what? I ain't a penis, I'm a PERSON. I'm SO MUCH MORE than what I have between my legs, and if you can't understand that, then you sure DON'T DESERVE ME!!!"

Third, LEARN TO USE THE FUCKING THING! Really there's NO EXCUSE for it. Become a MASTER at using your penis. It really IS BETTER to be small and excellent in bed, than to be huge but so-so in bed.

But the key thing is, BE PROUD of your dick, even if it's small. My girl thinks mine is the sexiest thing. Why? Because I'm totally chill about it. She knows I think it's small(she's known that from very early on because I nonchalantly told her about it), but she also knows I'm not ashamed of it. She understands that it belongs to the guy she trusts and is attracted to. She understands this is one dick that truly cares about her, because it's attached to the very guy who cares about her. And she knows this dick's eager to learn all kinds of things to satisfy her.

So, DO NOT ever feel like you have to "warn" a girl about your so-called "small" penis. Treat it more like a condition that she has to really understand and agree to. It's like, "if it's gonna be an issue for you, then it ain't gonna work. Goodbye." Girls with small boobs would have a MEGA fit if guys broke up with them over their breast size. Just because they are girls doesn't mean they have a right to discriminate guys based on the penis size.

 

THIS. In my experience, the bigger the penis, the less awesome the sex was. Men who are big tend to think just because it's large, that it's some sort of wand they can just wave around and magic happens.

Also, I'm not a fan of anything too long. There's nothing sexy about getting punched in the cervix for half an hour.