Spouse won't go to nude beaches/nudist resorts with me

Discussion in 'Bare It! Nudism and Naturism' started by Todd_99, Feb 22, 2010.

  1. Todd_99

    Todd_99 Member

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    I've been frequenting nude beaches & nudist resorts for some 15 years and recently got married. While my wife and I were courting each other, I openly shared with her my passion for the nudist lifestyle. She indicated at that time that she would consider going with me - primarily out of curiosity. However, now that we are together, she won't go with me and accuses me of being sexually deviant (doesn't use those precise words) for having a passion for going to nude beaches and nudist resorts.

    Naturism/nudism is such a part of my lifestyle and isn't something I would like to give up. Yet I don't want to upset my wife. I'm wondering if there are any other folks in here who have experienced the same thing.
     
  2. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

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    How long did you know your wife before getting married?
     
  3. gooseneck holler nudist

    gooseneck holler nudist Member

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    Deviance is something that is different than normal, so strictly speaking, you are deviant. What she means is that your nudism is perverted. I don't think so, and there have been researchers who have interviewed and tested nudists, going back at least forty-five years. What they have found is that most nudists are pretty normal folks.

    Some objections are because there's something else going on. Your wife may believe she isn't pretty naked. She could be worried about being ogled. Traveling to nudist venues may be a hardship. She may be too worn out from work to make conversation with people she really doesn't know on the weekend. With my wife it was the last one. Be brave. Be kind.
     
  4. wild-flowers

    wild-flowers forever arbitrary

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    So, i'm wondering, were you adimint about your love for naturism/nudism when courting her or did you bring it up once or twice and leave it at that because she didn't seem very interested? If so she may have beleived you would be giving up that portion of your life to suit her ideals. Personally I think it's beautiful you like to frequent nudist beaches and resorts, some people aren't as open and clear headed to see that the human body is a masterpiece in itself without apparel. It's quite possible that your wife will never be interested in this, for several reasons, some being that she worried you'll oggle other women and think lower of her...and all of those other pressures and worries that go along with being influenced by media ideals.

    You could suggest going by yourself, but since she hints that she finds you a sexual deviant for thinking about going even with her I doubt it would result well. I'm not sure what to say other then, you might have to choose between your love of the freedom that comes with nudism or the wife you chose knowing well enough that she doesn't share all of the same interests as you.

    I hope you both can find a compromise.;)
     
  5. FritzDaKatx2

    FritzDaKatx2 Vinegar Taster

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    See, stories like this are why I'll probably never get married. She now has you by the balls so to speak. Pretty easy most likely of her being able to file grounds for divorce based on your "Alternative Lifestyle preferences" unless of course you have some form of solid evidence to prove you made her well aware of your lifestyle choices. I hope for you're sake that you at least had the sense to sign some form of prenuptial agreement??

    I wish you much luck in this situation and sorry to see that She waited till after she had the ring on and the papers signed to start tugging at your leash like that. :(
     
  6. barbatruka

    barbatruka Member

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    I think it's good of you that you mentioned at the beginning that you were into this. My question, or rather interest, lies in your intention when you told her. Did you hope she would 'convert' to this lifestyle so to speak? Or perhaps at least try it. I would hope so if it was me. I guess the question for you is how important that is for you and is it worth sacrifying your relationship for?

    Agree with wildflower that perhaps she doesn't like her body or is not confident in herself or even in you to 'keep it in'. That's an issue for her to deal with unless you give her cause for concern. Just a thought but why don't you suggest that she goes on a nudist beeach alone with some girlfriends as a 'fun therapy' thing...I'm a lady and I found it quite therapeutic in a way to go topless on beaches. We're all born in birthday suits. What changes is our perceptions along the way. She might not be into it and that's fine and something you'll need to accept. Does she really know why you like this lifestyle so much? Share your philosophy with her maybe - but don't make it about sexy women being hot even if that's what you think. She's not stupid, she'll know that without you having to say so. And be attentive to her when you go on these beaches...it might help her with her insecurities....

    hope this helps x
     
  7. Todd_99

    Todd_99 Member

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    I was fairly clear about it. She indicated she'd be open to the idea of us going to a nudist resort or beach together, so I didn't feel the need to press the issue.

    Although I could be wrong, I don't think her fear of me ogling other women would be any different at a nude beach/resort than it would be at a beach where a bunch of gorgeous young women are venturing around in skimpy bikinis. And we've been to places like that.

    That's what I intend on doing. See how she reacts and remind her that it's part of who I am.
     
    TominMontana likes this.
  8. nldn

    nldn Senior Member

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    I have not faced the same situation. My thought, without having to face up to it myself, is that my wife would come first.
     
  9. *pixy*

    *pixy* Member

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    Hi, i guess talking (with someone i just fell in love with) about going to a nude beach together is something different than to do so actually, at least for someone who isn't used to such a liberating lifestyle.

    Maybe it would be a good compromise to go to some clothing optinal beach where you are free to wear nothing, but your girls may keep her things on without getting trouble or the feeling to be urged to go naked. M experiences tell me that such an approach often finally helped to get a more realistic image of nude recreation (and that it isn't a sexual deviation). Maybe it would have been a good idea to try this out before you marry, but anyway, it's never too late. Some of my friends who now practice nude recreation were somehow sceptic or rejecting at first too, but having the opportunity to approach and try out without pressure made them change their minds. When there were no "unregulatred" beaches with clothes and naked people mixed, i always proposed to put our towels just on the "borderline" between nude and textile section, so i could undress and they didn't need to. I guess in 80% they finally overcame their inhibitions and finally shared nudity after some days.

    On the other hand, if your wife at all can't imagine to try out or to stay together with her stark naked husband, you probably may need to make some concessions too. If you really love each other, you will consider her feelings and attitrudes als well, like she will do with your's. So maybe you will need to practice some compromises and look what time will bring.

    Good luck!
     
  10. There are lots of nudist beaches round where I live. There are a lot of women who wear there bikini bottoms, generally if they've got there period, but it could be a starting place for your partner. she may then realise that people who use nudist beaches are not perverse just happy to feel the sun and water on their whole body. I prefer being naked to being on a beach in a bathing suit. There is a bigger chance of mixing with "perverts" who just want an eyeful on a regular beach.
     
  11. Todd_99

    Todd_99 Member

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    With the warmer months already here, I've brought the subject up with her and she won't go. I've assured her we'll go to one where suits are optional so she won't have to go naked. She conveniently makes other plans for us to do something on the weekend days so she can be sure I won't go on my own. Next step is to either just go on my own without telling her, go on my own and tell her or to ask her if it's OK if I go on my own. I'm sure she'll say no to the second & third - so I guess that leaves only one option. Any thoughts?
     
  12. Aine6923

    Aine6923 Member

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    Having secrets is not good in any relationship. If you feel that this is something that could potentially cause problems, you need to talk to her and tell her how upset this is making you and how you feel she doesn't seem to care about trying something that is so important to you. Going out to a nude beach where there are other women there might actually make her feel intimidated about how she might look compared to them. If she ever found out that you went and kept it a secret could "tell her" (in that jumping to conclusions way we women are so famous for :/ ) that you aren't attracted to her and need to see other women.

    My advice would be to either tell her how much this means to you and how hurt her seemingly coldness to it makes you or you may have to give up on this idea in lieu of having one less problem in a marriage. I love being nude but my fiance doesn't appreciate it as much if we're where other people could see, so I respect his opinion and wants until he feels more comfortable to try it or be comfortable with me trying so that we both can reach a mutal decision.
     
  13. caster1

    caster1 Member

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    My guess is she one, doesn't want to get nude herself in front of others and two, she doesn't want other women seeing you nude. I bet to her that's like sharing you. Your nude body is for her eyes only.

    It took me years to get my wife to nude beaches, she's still not crazy about them, she prefers nude at the pool with just the two of us.

    For her first time I picked a resort that had a clothing beach and a private nude beach. It took a day or two but she eventually got into the idea after walking by it a few times and seeing it wasn't any big deal to the people there.
     
  14. Wine Country Nudist

    Wine Country Nudist Member

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    This is why I prefer to date nudists. I had a couple of gfs who were willing to give it a try, and I'll give them that, but as a nudist, I don't like the idea of being married to someone who refuses to get naked with me at the beach, resort, etc. If I'm thinking of going out with someone and she LOVES being naked... that is definitely one huge plus in my book! :)
     
  15. Todd_99

    Todd_99 Member

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    I plan on giving it another go this summer. I'll casually run it by her and tell her if she doesn't want to go, it's something I'm going to do on my own. Since she usually works weekends, I almost always do things on my own on Sat & Sun - whether it be a bicycle ride, a trip to the beach, go to a ballgame, an all day hike. And she seldom asks where I go or what I do. It's just her style. So if I go to a nude beach, she won't raise a fuss if I don't say anything about what I did.
     
  16. bft4evr

    bft4evr Senior Member

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    You didn't say where you live. Could there be some clothing optional resorts/beaches nearby where you could both be comfortable? An area where you'd find a mix of clothed and nude or topless folks? That could be a good compromise.
     
  17. Rapidi

    Rapidi Members

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    My wife and I rent a secluded cabin in the woods each year for a week. While I drop the clothes as soon as we arrive and don't put them back on until we leave, my wife doesn't. She's okay with me naked, and actually likes it, but can't quite bring herself to join me. But this spring I think she's going to try. While we are there we will never been seen by anyone since it's on private property. It also has a one mile trail for hiking that is private too. I think she's seen how much I enjoy being nude there and has finally become trusting of the privacy. She told me a few days ago she might get naked with me this year. We shall see! Anyway, you might search like I did for someplace secluded so you can ease her into it. I just hope to doesn't take as long as it's taking me!
     
  18. thesantos29

    thesantos29 Pretty Hip

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    Before meeting my wife, I was a home-nudist. When we started dating, I didn't change that and I was naked whenever we were at my place. She moved in and I didn't change. She didn't join me, because it's not here thing. I never pushed her on the idea, I just kept doing what I do.

    A year after getting married, she finally broke down and told me that she couldn't stand it anymore. So, that was that. I guess I should have made sure that she was "on-board" before marrying her. I have some resentment towards her.

    I don't know if people can easily make the transition. I hope you are able to compromise somehow.
     
  19. AirBare

    AirBare Members

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    I couldn't be married to a non nudist as it's way to important to me. I tried that once and it absolutely didn't work. Well it was more of a disaster. I remarried to a nudist and life is so much easier and fun. The wife and I just got back from a 3 day nudist club weekend.
    My favorite thing to do is watch her walking around naked and enjoying herself visiting other people.
    I've been asked by people asking questions about the lifestyle if it bothers me that others are looking at her completely naked. Actually it's enjoyable for me. I'm proud she will get naked and be so free about it. We have such a good time living the lifestyle.
     
  20. SpacemanSpiff

    SpacemanSpiff Visitor

    nope..ive never experienced this problem and probably never would because if i loved someone enough to marry them id more than likely love them enough to respect their wishes
     

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