Let the child decide?

Discussion in 'Home Schooling' started by woodsman, Oct 6, 2008.

  1. woodsman

    woodsman Senior Member

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    Ok here's my situation. I've been with this girl for about a year, no kids yet and we're not planning to have one. However, the issue of parenting decisions often comes up in our conversations, like hypothetical 'what if' situations so we know where we stand in case of future events.

    When the issue of home v. public shcooling comes up I always side for home and she always sides for public. We came to a conclusion that we should let the child decide which one he or she would prefer.

    We would try public for a while and see how it goes. If it doesn't go well we'd home school.

    So my question is, how young is too young for a child to make that decision? My plan was to wait till about age 7 or 8 (grade 2 or 3).

    So what does everybody think? When are children old enough to decide that public school is not the right choice for them?

    I'd appreciate any advice or comments.
     
  2. mephist00

    mephist00 Member

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    both kinda have advantages and dis-advantages..

    but if you deprive a child of public school, they will ultimately lack in communication and social skills.

    while your kid grows older, they get alot more stress through all sorts of pressures, and that would be a good time to home school them, as they wouldnt have to have all the stress and pressures of a public school during the adolescent years when stress/anxiety/sometimes chaos comes naturally through physical and mental changes and temporary unbalances..

    (idk why, but most kids end up being depressed, with alot of anxiety during there teen years.. Some doctors call this Bi-Polar :p that is just BS diagnosis, as they want you to think it can be solved, but IN REALITY: stress/depression/anxiety/anger are ALL parts of growing up, its learning your emotions, its not a "Disorder" to go through changes during adolescence. That is arrogant excuse for saying there is something wrong.. and just ignorant for not having the brains to realize the solution is to find the route cause of the problems they are behaving for, instead they declare it a disorder.. for doctors to even say it, is just inconsiderate and ignorant..)

    but at the time in a public school, they will develop social skills that they can use to continue friendships, and make new friends/develop more social skills while being home schooled.
    social skills are a necessity today, and a long period of home schooling will deny them social skills, especially if they never do go to public schools.
    so it would be good to start out in public school, and see how it go's from there.
     
  3. Strawberry_Fields_Fo

    Strawberry_Fields_Fo RN

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    Ehh...I dunno mephist. Usually, if I kid goes through elementary school and makes friends, they aren't going to want to leave seeing them everyday to stay home with their parents. I always wanted to be homeschooled, but both my parents worked, and I'm not sure they would have made good academic teachers anyway. But I think I was an exception...I've always hated school, and most of my peers. But I think a good number of teens like being with their friends, sometimes more than with their parent's .

    I think, if you were going to do it one way or the other, it would make more sense to homeschool them for elementary school and/or middle school, and then let them choose when they get to high school. I was horribly bored in elementary school, because I've known how to read since I was 3, so I just spent most of the time daydreaming and nursing my apathy towards education. If I could have been homeschooled, or if I went to a school that was more individualized, I could have been much farther ahead when I got to middle school. Plus, elementary years are the foundations for learning, so it's more important that you're there to ensure they get a good start. And if you ensure they develop good character during there elementary years, any pressures they face as a teen will be much easier for them to handle.

    -Kate
     
  4. mephist00

    mephist00 Member

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    well, it was a little different with me.. infact most kids i know, didnt want to wake up at 6am to get ready to come to school
    when i was going to school.. 9th or 10th grade.. i loved all my friends.. but i hated certain things..

    so when i was 15 or 16 i think.. i started to get home schooled.. and it was fine.. didnt have school hours, i still hung out with all my friends, everyday. Also, Just because you are home schooled doesnt mean you will be seeing alot more of your parents :)

    but in the end, i had more free time to study, explore and advance in hobbies and personal interests such as guitar and piano, and get in touch with myself while not being in constant stress from having to wake up everyday at 6am, i got to sleep in and i felt well rested for the day.. stress from teachers, and many other factors..

    it all effected me in a good way, and ended making me a very happy person by the time i was done.

    so i guess it can have to do with personal preference :)

    edit:
    it seems kids today, are so spoiled, and 'babied' i wonder if that generation will even be able to survive today.. no offense really, im talkin about things like:
    -playdates..?, what ever happened to "choice" lol

    -immunity obsession: constant care to keep a child from being sick..(wouldnt this effect the immune system in the long run? immune system needs practice to be strong against viruses ect, to build up..)

    -"no child left behind..": yea freakin right.. children are like any other group of people.. a few winners, a whole bunch of losers lol - and from the budget for schools.. we arent advancing any-time soon..
    USA Spent $550 Billion dollars on the War in Iraq in 2009..; (note thats enough to send every high school senior to a 4 year college, and more..
    i cant find teh source, but i think USA spent $28 million dollars in government funding for schools in 2008 (if u can correct this please do)

    sorry, just some stuff im angry with i guess.. no real point to this.. lol
     
  5. snake_grass

    snake_grass Senior Member

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    i think the age whloud depend on how well the kid is able to decipher different types of feeling from the 2 different type of situations you put the kid in

    like whould the kid be able to understand what they're going to get out of the 2 different situations that whould happen in the long run of being in one of these places for a long time

    Edit: if the kid cant boggle there mind over it about whitch one they want to do for knbowing the negative and positive effects coming from them then i think you should make the decision

    it will be your kid after all
     
  6. Valdis

    Valdis Member

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    To the OP,

    Perhaps this person isn't the best mate for you? Seriously, think hard about that.

    The best thing you could do is keep learning natural and fun. Putting them in school can KILL the love of learning. It can take YEARS, if ever, after pulling them out, for that to return.

    I never considered homeschooling but I wish I had.

    My kids BEGGED when they were in 4th and 6th grades to be homeschooled. I researched it and took them out. It was the best thing our family ever did.
    This year I have a senior already taking some college classes and a sophomore.

    My teens are and always have been, VERY social. The whole "issue" of sociability is a false one, made up by people who usually, know nothing about homeschooling.


    Mephist,

    I couldn't disagree more with the part of your post I put in bold. That is utterly untrue in my experience.

    V.



     
  7. woodsman

    woodsman Senior Member

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    Thanks for your responses. Valdis, apparently she wasn't the right mate for me. Some things had been going on lately and we parted company the day after Thanksgiving.

    This was just one in a myriad of issues we never found common ground on and it managed to kill our relationship. At the time when I posted this the issue was weighing heavily on my mind and I appreciate the advice of all who contributed to the thread.
     
  8. Valdis

    Valdis Member

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    Sorry to hear that you had to face the pain of such a break up.

    *HUG*
     
  9. woodsman

    woodsman Senior Member

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    Thanks Valdis, I appreciate your support.
     
  10. MikeE

    MikeE Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    Perhaps the two grown-ups should make the decision.
    Its a decision that will affect the child for the rest of its life. It should be made by the people with the most life experience and practice at making decisions. Grown-ups are supposed to have learned more than their kids have. They make better decisions than kids.
     
  11. Valdis

    Valdis Member

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    Listening to a child isn't ever wrong. If the child is miserable why leave him in that same situation? That would be a bad decision and yet parents do this all the time.

    Grown ups do not always make better decisions than kids. My opinion is that most individuals have a better grasp of when they are happy or not than any overseeing person or persons.

    And it's not for the rest of his life necessarily, some kids go back and forth from homeschooling to public or even private schooling during a childhood. So it's not an end all be all decision anyway.
     
  12. Mother's Love

    Mother's Love Generalist

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    you might look into compass montessori schools. i was so mad when my brother got to go to one. i would have thrived in a school like that. i always liked to learn, but public school does not cater to that. the only good thing about public school is the social interaction. they load you with homework (because they didn't succeed in teaching the lesson IN CLASS) and then theres no time for the parents to take a hand in schooling. after 5 hours of homework you just want to have a cookie and go to bed. no trips to the museum, a historical exhibit, a library, theres no time, and kids are not learning.

    and i was always picked on for wanting to learn anyway, evenm when i was in elementary school. the whole public school system says "be smart, but don't let anyone know that you are smart, or else everyone will pick on you and you'll have to eat lunch by yourself."
     
  13. ToFunToDie

    ToFunToDie Senior Member

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    I was homeschooled for 10 years(still finishing last year) I needed to be because
    of some issues. I will get into that when someone reposts on this. But being homeschooled has its good and bads. Socializing wise probably gonna suck unless your kid is involved in a youth group or with other homeschooled kids. And I couldn't go to school myself but I wish I found a way to be able to stay in it. Life is boring when your homeschooled, you got nothing to do, no one to talk to.
    It sucks. Nothing is wrong with your kid actually going to school, yea kids can be pretty bad now and say some mean shit, but it is gonna happen eventually. Why not sooner than later. School is kind of stupid in some ways and I don't agree with it all but it is a lot better than being homeschooled for MOST kids.
    Some kids need to be, some have problems etc, and just can't go to school. In my opinion I say just send your kid to school. Being homeschooled with most likely suck for him and maybe ruin part of his or her life. Do you really want that?
     
  14. TheatreMommy

    TheatreMommy Member

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    OP: Although this is probably moot now, I'd caution any parents to be careful how they present said option. If Mom wants X and Dad wants Y, and you let the child decide, sometimes they can feel as if they are having to choose between mom and dad not x and y.

    ALL: My mom homeschooled my sister for a year because SHE needed that (they had moved to the US from Canada and, when faced with sending my sister back to our school in Canada - though just a C or B student in Canada, she was significantly farther ahead than her class level in California - my mom suffered from a severe episode of Empty Nest). My sister stayed home until my mom was able to send away her school.

    This is how I became interested in home schooling. Quite frankly, though I had already graduated (got myself through Private school on a scholarship), I was bored in public school zzzzzzzz and only not bored in private school because of the thousands of extracurriculars that I did... and I was jealous that she got home schooling and that I didn't ever have the chance.

    My life situation doesn't support the lifestyle yet, but my husband and I (both of whom agree that homeschooling is a good and valid option for education) are trying hard to be positioned to be available to homeschool in the future. I have one 18 monther and one in my belly. I am working full time (baby in montessori) and my husband is in school (I'll keep the big girl home when the new baby is born for the duration of my mat leave... !joy!)

    When able, the plan is that we want to let the children decide, but we will also be positioned to allow either option, to insist on certain options if one or the other is clearly not the best for our child, and, either path, to provide parental attention and extracurriculars or extra classes as appropriate.

    I'm going to be reading this forum a lot to learn a lot.

    My current regret is not being financially where I needed to be to provide at home support for baby 1 from day 1... :(

    What are all the options that should be presented to a child?

    I have:
    Regular Public School
    French Emmersion Public School
    Montessori (usually only available to gr. 1, but can fine to gr. 6 sometimes)
    Private School - day student
    Private School - boarding student
    Home Schooling

    Are there school boards that allow a split homeschool/public or homeschool/private?

    -TM
     
  15. daisymelan

    daisymelan Professional fence sitter

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    In the mood of the discussion... I was well advanced in my studies when I was younger. Wehn I was in grade 3 they wanted to advance me a grade, but there was another girl who had hte same grades but not the same social skills (Very small school, only 7 of us in our grade) so they chose not to advance either of us. At grade 5 I was doing a grade 8 level math. In grade 6 we were forced to go to a larger school and they refused to teach me grade 9 math. I became terribly bored with school and never really tried again until I got into university.

    If given the opportunity to be homeschooled, I would have loved it. I loved learning... all teh school system did was squash my thirst for knowledge.
     
  16. Valdis

    Valdis Member

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    Sorry you felt bored. My kids do not. In fact, we have to be very careful and constantly try to cut back on socialization and activities because we do so much. We may homeschool but we aren't at home that much.

    There are so many ways to homeschool. Your experience is not what everyone's has or will be. IMO, parents must make sure kids have enough socialization but not too much.

    Healthy socialization isn't just socializing with your peer group (as happens in school). I believe socialization with all age, racial and economic groups is what the goal should be.

     
  17. TheatreMommy

    TheatreMommy Member

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    Here here.
     

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