survivors of suicide

A few months back I tried to kill myself. I suppose it was a fluke, or maybe I'm just too idiot-like to know how to do it right. I was stabbing at my wrist with one of my pocketknives, trying to cit it open. I suppose I should have stabbed harder, but the physical pain was awful. All I wanted to do is get past the emotional pain.

I called FOUR crisis lines. And no one gave a damn. WTF is wrong with asking for help? I made it a point to write about what happened, so here's the reacted version-

Even now, when I have talked with "professionals" about it, they don't believe me. They look at my wrist...and it's healed. I don't scar. Cannot be any more simple than that. I had a wood chisel cut my hand all the way to the bone & muscle. And I can barely see the scar. I know what I did that night. Nothing fake about it at all. But to the professionals....all the count are the bodies of those that succeeded, they don't care about IF someone lives or not. Bodies=paychecks for them.

 

I tried to commit suicide in 2014 and have had several close calls. The only thing that got me through was getting a dog. I mena at the same time I wasnt ready but a lot of the times I thought about how she would be lost without me and that has kept me from committing suicide again. Now I finally am on a medicine that keeps those thoughts at bay. So definitely suggest finding at least one thing to tie you to earth and get the appropriate help. In my case I went through several therapists and psychiatrists. None of them saw I had schizoaffective disorder until this year. Diagnosis is important with medications.

 

Sorry that you went through this, glad you're feeling better now

 

SIMBA + frends agree

 

I've attempted three times--first with pills (didn't work, made me sicky), second with a plastic bag over the head (chickened out), third time with a belt (got inpatient, went to ER instead). That third time was the most recent attempt--just at the end of April, actually. I ended up staying in an inpatient care facility for a week, where they bumped my meds and held regular groups.

I've struggled to hold down a job since graduating from college, and a lot of my failed career aspirations have led to these attempts. I am on the autism spectrum, have anxiety and depression, and was diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder last year as well. Needless to say, the workforce has been a rocky road for me, especially because I did very well in school.

To be honest, as cliche as it sounds, taking my life one day at a time since getting discharged has helped the most. I am also lucky enough to have a good support system at home; unfortunately, not everyone has that, and it hurts my heart. My most recent attempt caused me to realize that trying to mold myself into someone who could hold down a standard sort of job is futile. I will probably not be able to live independently due to my financial and mental health problems, too; my loved ones and I agree it would probably be dangerous for me at this point in my life. I don't know if I'll enter a traditional workplace any time soon, and I'm planning to switch to freelance work and writing exclusively.

It's hard, and it sucks. But I'm still alive, and that's something

 

I'm glad you're still alive! You keep looking after yourself. You deserve to enjoy your time here on this beautiful earth. X

 

Sorry that you went through this @BookOfOlives

You might want to check into vocational rehabilitation. They can sometimes help you find a job or give you free training if you have a disability that is a barrier to work.

 

Thank you! I am currently in the process of being enrolled into one. Unfortunately, since it's run by state government, there's a lot of red tape and bureaucratic limbo to it. I won't be able to start for quite a while, but I have some good support systems in place otherwise.

 

You're welcome!