O M G! Look what you've done! You've gone and made the panda sad..... And we all know what happens when the panda is sad...
A woman in Parliament once called Churchill drunk, and he said yes I am but you're ugly, and tomorrow I'll be sober and you'll still be ugly. Another time, a woman said to him, If I was your wife, I would put poison in your coffee. He replied, If I was your husband, I'd drink it.
Subject: What is Love? A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4-8 year olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader & deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think. "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over & paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca - age 8 "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4 "Love is when a girl puts on perfume & a boy puts on shaving cologne & they go out & smell each other." Karl - age 5 "Love is when you go out to eat & give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6 "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4 "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy & she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7 "Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together & you talk more. My Mommy & Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss," Emily - age 8 "Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents & listen," Bobby - age 5 "If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate," Nikka - age 6 "There are two kinds of love. Our love. God's love. But God makes both kinds of them." Jenny - age 4 ”Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7 "Love is like a little old woman & a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6 "During my piano recital, I was on a stage & scared. I looked at all the people watching me & saw my daddy waving & smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore," Cindy - age 8 "My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare - Age 5 "Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine - age 5 "Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly & sweaty & still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 8 "Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4 "I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes & has to go out & buy new ones." Lauren - age 4 "When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up & down & little stars come out of you." Karen - age 7 "You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget," Jessica
KIDS: AND THE ORIGINS OF LOVE "Cupid kissed God and that got the ball rollin'." Julio, age 9 "One of the Greek lady gods got a crush on one of the Greek man gods. he tried to hit her with lightning and thunderbolts, but he just couldn't get her away from him ... After a while, they became the first married gods. Robbie, age 8 CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE "One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too." Andrew, age 6 "No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell ...That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular. Mae, age 9 "I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." Manuel, age 8 ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE "Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." John, age 9 "If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." Glenn, age 7 ON THE ROLE OF BEAUTY AND HANDSOMENESS IN LOVE "If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." Anita C., age 8 "It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." Brian, age 7 "Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." Christine, age 9 REFLECTIONS ON THE NATURE OF LOVE "Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too." Greg, age 8 HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE? "Mooshy ... like puppy dogs ... except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much." Arnold, age 10 "When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don't get up for at least an hour." Wendy, age 8 "All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark." Sherm, age 8 CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS "They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them." Gavin, age 8 "They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing." John, age 9 CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE "I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'Dinosaurs' is on television." Jill, age 6 "Love is foolish ... but I still might try it sometime." Floyd, age 9 "Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place ... We were behind a tree." Carey, age 7 "Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I've been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." Dave, age 8 "I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." Regina, age 10 THE PERSONAL QUALITIES YOU NEED TO HAVE IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD LOVER "Sensitivity don't hurt." Robbie, age 8 "One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." Ava, age 8 SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU "Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." Del, age 6 "Shake your hips and hope for the best." Camille, age 9 "Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs ... and don't worry if their parents are right there." Manuel, age 8 "Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." Alonzo, age 9 "One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." Bart, age 9
Duck Court is in session, and the first duck goes up to the judge: The judge says "Tell me your name and what you're in here for?" My name is Quack Quack and I was blowing bubbles in the pond" 'Well', the judge says, 'I dont see why thats a crime. youre released'. 2nd duck comes up, Judge says 'Tell me your name and what you're in here for." 2nd duck says "My name is Quack Quack, and I was blowing bubbles in the pond." Judge says, "well, then, same thing i told the first duck, you're released." 3rd duck comes up, and the judge says 'Now, dont tell me your name is Quack Quack and you were blowing bubbles in the pond?" and the duck says "No, I'm Bubbles" Vanilla Pudding Once inside the bank, just after midnight, their efforts at disabling the alarm system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, but inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all of the safes had been opened. They did not find even one pound sterling, not a single diamond, nor an ounce of gold. Instead, every one of the safes contained little, covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, they made a quiet exit, leaving with nothing more than queasy, uncomfortably full stomachs. The newspaper headline read: IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING !
