You're 28 years old, engaged to a smart, gorgeous woman

And you find out she was a call girl from 20-22 since she needed money for college.

Do you break it off?

 

Is she done with it? Does she have any STDs? Did she confess this to you, or did you find out some other way? Was she a call girl in the same town you are in now?

If you are happy with the answers, forgive and forget.

 

Yep, there went my respect for her.

 

if she's std free, probably not
Depends on if that was a lie or an omission. And what else she may've lied about.

 

Lying by omission...just as bad as lying straight to your face.

 

if the question's never asked and it's not going to affect your immediate health (ie a contagious illness/disease), then how is it harmful? If you don't ask then how can you blame someone for not telling them. Does that mean I've gone and lied to all my partners because I didn't tell them I turned upside down in my baby jumper. I must be an EVIL fiend for omitting every infinitesimal fact of my life.

Everyone omits things. EVERYONE. I guarantee you have not told every little detail of your life to your partner.

 

My first concern would be STDs. Find out if she has been tested, especially for HIV/AIDS (and if she hasn't, she should get tested and so should you).

As far as the other stuff goes I don't think its a good idea to dump her just because she was a prostitute. If she is a good person you should try and look beyond her past. I'm not saying that if I was in your situation I wouldn't have a problem with this. What I'm saying is that you should try not to judge her, as we have all made bad choices in our past (and lets face it, she may not have had any real choice when she became a prostitute).

My advice is to try and work through your own issues before even thinking about breaking it off.

 

If she's STD free, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.

Gotta be clean, though.

STD free is the way to be.

 

Who's going to ask their gf if they were ever a call girl? No guy I know...

If they were just dating and he didn't know, I'd be, like, whatever, but they are going to get married! That's a big lie to omit if you're going to marry someone, imo.

 

lying by ommission?
fuck that
it is not a lie unless it was withheld directly (i.e. he asked, she said no)


did she lie about it?
has she been tested? is she clean?
waht are your morals on the situation? (to me it's just another job, not one I would participate in in any way, but it's a job)
haven't you done things in the past that weren't so good?

 

asking about previous partners might lead to it
asking about past jobs certainly would
asking about major life events
asking about attitudes towards sex and prostitution and all that associated behaviour would also.

 

Tough one. And I have a greater amount of respect for prostitutes than most. First of all, is your gut feeling that she was dishonest? And if she was, is she trying to rectify her omission by telling you beforehand --- that is, does she have good intentions of making up for her dishonesty?


It may be a sign of profound respect that she told you. She could have continued stringing you along this idyllic scenario...

Assuming she does not have STDs (as most prostitutes who aren't also drug-addicts don't), is it a feeling of disgust or is it an intellectual conflict?

In other words, is it a pang in your heart when you think that she isn't/wasn't all yours, or is it a moral issue concernig prostitution for you?

 

And it's obvious she didn't tell him that until NOW...when they are engaged...she omitted that...

And I still stand by my initial statement saying that lying by omission is the same as lying to someone's face.

 

I agree, I don't think it's fair to omit something like that until you're engaged. BUT, it's also tough on her... Putting myself in her shoes, I can only imagine the kind of stigma and conflict she went through.

This may be a lifeline. An asking for help. It may be that she loves him so tremedously she could not tie the knot unless it was in a climate of complete honesty. It may be she needs help dealing with the ghosts of her own past.

Only the two people involved can be sure whether they can both attend to each other's emotional needs. Let's hope it works.

But I would say, for now, after such a tremendous shock, you two should be working on rehabiliting a friendship, not marriage. Marriage is secondary to a healthy friendship.

 

Not at all. But I would like to see a clean bill of health from the STD doctor. Wait did she graduate college? If so my answer stands.

 

We all have skeletons in our closets. We all have things in our past we are not proud of. We've all done questionable things. To dump this woman simply because she did this thing almost 10 years ago (before she even knew you I presume?) is absolutely juvenile, unfair and silly. What you should be asking yourself is: Do you have a good realtionship with her? Do you love her? Does she love you? Is she a great person? Is she your friend? Do you respect each other? And, of course, is she clean? These are the things that matter NOW, not what she did and didn't tell you about so long ago. Tha past is dead. Let it stay dead. It doesn't concern you, it never did. Dragging it around is very tiring and useless. Don't let it rule your future together. Don't judge her. If you can't rise above this bit of info about her and accept it as part of her experiences in life then maybe you should take a look inward and think about all the things you've ever done that you haven't exactly wanted to post on the 6 o'clock news. Then maybe you'll be a little more empathetic towards her. Oh yea... and the whole 'lie by omission' thing...I wouldn't really play that card because it's just not the right case for it. Not telling is not lying, it's just not telling. Now you know. Do what you will. If you can't get over it ... well.. then you've gotta do what's best for you, whatever that may be for you.

 

Even if she ISN'T STD free, I'd try to work it out.

And pray that you didn't contract anything.

Just because she has a history doesn't mean she hasn't changed. Continue to think of her without the history, if she is truly a great woman, go for it.

 

Couldn't have said it better, myself.

 

we all have a past, we all done good things and bad. experiences is what makes us who we are, so if you love this woman, the person she is now, you gotta love her with her past because all of that is what made her who she is now.
Talk about it with her, she probably didnt do it for fun, get testted for STDs and that's about all i have to say.

 

well my feeling is, as long as she is clean (std free), you just have to accept it as something she did in the past. It is part of what made her the person that she is today.