Your thoughts on divorce.

Well, that does make things a bit trickier - a marriage works better when you're going into it with the intention of being together to stick it out, rather than getting married because you're pregnant. It's not to say that they didn't care for each other, but the commitment of marriage is pretty big in itself, and it's something that both people WANT to do, rather than being 'rushed' or 'pressured' into doing it.

Sounds a bit mid-life-crisis-ish to me

There are a lot of factors that come into life that may 'interfere' with your life plan or what you want to do, life isn't exactly as planned the day you turn 18 or whatnot.

Life is about comprimise, as is marriage. If you've two people who can't comprimise, then it just complicates things. Part of being married is learning to meet each other half way, and each of you can become the person you want to be while still being with the other person. It may take longer to acheive what you want, but it somehow works out in the end.

that's very true...

 

you can't "make" another person heal or grow or chance, even within a marriage. my marriage had gotten emotionally abusive. does that mean i think my ex is emotionally abusive by nature? no, i wouldn't trust him with my kids if that's what i thought. but i do think he needs help. i can't make him get that help, however.

i went to counselling myself when he refused, and did everything i could. finally, i had to walk away. i think we're both healthier and happier this way. stepping away from the terrible conflicts that had grown between us, it's actually been easier to be there for the kids. we have awesome, wonderful, and amazing kids. i'm very blessed. i'm grateful for his committment to the children and to working this out peacefully without nastiness, traumatic lawsuits, or tug-of-war custody battles.


and as for the statistics saying children are always broken and damaged by divorce? walking back from the Y, my son slips his hand in mine and says, "mom, i love my new life!"

that means more than statistics to me.

 

I don't really agree with the act of divorce... If you're getting married, you should be pretty set on it. Don't get married just because you feel like it, because that's not a good attitude. However, I don't think it's any better for a suffering couple to stay together simply because they don't want to "sin."

 

i honestly have to say that in issues where my family is concerned, i couldn't give a fat damn about other people's ideals, or whether or not they think i "should" or "shouldn't" do something.

i do what's best for my family. period. and in our case, that meant divorce.

 

Obviously it often does not work out in the end. You try something, if it stops working or you outgrow it, compromise will just make two unhappy people.

It was not a mid-life crisis, it was trying to make things better for quite a while, and not being able to acheive what both parties wanted.

I still love her, we just were not wanting the same things in life.

I do appreciate the little " " after your passing judgement on a situation you know little about though.

I totally agree kitty fabulous, people should fuck off and mind their own business always

 

hah, are you kidding me? i had the best of both worlds with my parents divorced. at my dad (and grandmas) house, i was spoiled and coddled and the princess of hte world. at my moms house (where i spent more of my time) i was trusted, taught independence, given responsibilities that made me a better, stronger person. i could never have been a spoiled princess and an independent trusted strong girl at the same time in the same house

 

I feel like if you take those vows and make those promises you should do everything you can do to fix things.... obviously they were good at one time, I'm sure you could make it work. marriage counseling and all that... it's a promise to stay with someone for the rest of you lives... GOOD or BAD... if people really thought about their vows and what they mean before they agreed to them maybe they're would be less divorces. I wouldn't get married and agree to those things unless I planned on following through with them.

 

If the other person NEVER meets you halfway and is sucking the life-force out of you, it's not going to work out in the end.

 

That's true - it's something both people are willing to do, I absolutely agree.

um, I'm glad you haven't passed judgement and assume that I know little about it.

 

In the immortal words of Kenny Rogers, "You've got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away and know when to run..."

 

i THINK WE ARE LOOKING AT THIS WAY TOO HARD THIS IS A EASY QUESTION


ITS IN THE BIBLE WHICH MEANS DIVORCE IS WRONG!!!OR YOUR GOING TO HELLAAA

 

I think divorces happen too often now-a dayz.

 

My parents had one. It was the best thing they could have done. Seriously. They get along better now than they ever did.

On the flip side of the coin however, I must confess that I feel that in modern day society, marriage as well as divorce are taken much too lightly, and marriages are ending without barely even beginning. It seems like there's little drive to make things work anymore, the slightest hint of turmoil no matter how big or small and they're ready to call it quits. The grass is always greener on the other side, but when you get to that side, you realize it just isn't so. Sad really.

And sometimes, I think too many people put entirely too much focus on the wedding and not the actual marriage. You know what I'm referring to, the huge shindigs racking up insanely high price tags, all for the show. But are they truly thinking about life after the honeymoon? The everyday life once the fairy tale dream settles into reality? What matters most is love, and if you don't have that, then...you don't have anything.

But as far as my personal views on divorce, I think it depends on the situation. That, and unless I've walked a mile in that person's shoes, I can't really judge.

 

He may be referring to HIS divorce, which you actually DON'T know much about.

This is just a touchy subject all 'round. Everyone has a different situation, and a different way of handling it.

 

My mom and dad got divorced twice. Once when I was in kindergarten, then they got back together, then they divorced again when I was in 4th grade. My dad got drunk and abusive one day, so my mom, my sister, and I packed up some clothes and left his bitch ass in the middle of the night while he was at work.

Divorce is the only solution, sometimes. My parents tried to make it work two times, but it just wasn't meant to be, because my dad's a fuckin fucktard dipshit crackhead bastard ass sumbitch.

 

One thing I forgot to add is...I understand and agree to a certain point that they (married couple) should try and stick it if they have children together. However, in my family's situation, my mother being with my father was damaging not only her, but my sister and I. In some circumstances, it's actually better for the children if the parents choose to divorce instead of keep plugging along. Kids sense things. They're much more in tune than we give them credit to. And being in a destructive environment can wreck havoc on a growing child, no matter how well adjusted they may seem on the outside.

Did I grieve over my parent's divorce? Absolutely. Even though I knew deep down it was better for them to be apart. But it still hurt. I don't think too many children of divorce could tell you that it didn't bother them. However, I know it was the right thing for my parents. They were apart emotionally long before the divorce papers were filed.

 

But there are some people who do think about what those vows mean and spend years and years trying to fix things and make things work but come to the sad conclusion that it's not gonna happen.

 

I'm of the opinion that a couple's relationship, whether they divorce or stay together, whether there's children involved, is really nobody's business but theirs.

 

Exactly!

 

On my lawyers wall, I sat and thought about it, was a tapestry, that said, better to be single than wish you were.

Kinda fitted.