Young Woman, Older Man ... What The Heck?

First post. First surprise. I haven't had this experience before and don't know what to do. Hesitate to post anything.

I'm in my 50's. Married 20+ yrs with tolerant wife -- very close but not so physical anymore. Well, physically close but not sexual. We have sweet strong teens. I guess I'm young for my age. Fit, zesty, solid, etc.

I meet a beautiful young 20's woman at fun event. She is heavily pursued, often obsessively, by many. She is *on*. High energy. A lot of style and positivity. Intimidating. Mezmerizing. Talented. Smart. Wants no clinginess.

We hit it off. Pals. Tons of fun. Vibrationally harmonious. I ask nothing of her, she none of me. I don't have money. We don't do money things.

Don't know how much work she has put into relationships before. She emanates instant contact. Seems easy. She would not have to try.

But now she's traveling. Far. Often. To come here.

Sure, it's for mutual events. But... It's astonishing to many. She's an asset to our scene, but people are amazed. She amazes anyway but to keep coming back here from the big city?

Closer. Closer.

Then wham. Ecstasy. Swooning.

She's open. Me, too.

Yet I'm not available, really. But we keep encountering each other. I do have some time. I have long enjoyed building friend connections. I still have them all, don't forget. So I am available for THIS. And she has time for THIS, too. Now. But it might be done in a flash. I have no idea. This is light yet it is resonating hugely. I've never seen it happen before.

I don't think I'm taking from my wife or family. Everyone in our family has quite a wide range of friends and strong relationships. We are not jealous. It's not a brittle, fear scene. We give others emotional connection. There's no sense that giving to someone takes away from others. Giving doesn't diminish anyone. ...That's our style anyway, in our house.

But this seems crazy. 30 years? Yet it's just play play play. Fun in the rain. Romance.

I've never had an affair. I've been smitten and have had romantic connections and other light fun. I've known highly energized women before who men both fear and can't stay away from. I've had unlikely situations develop in the long past. Where strongest, wildest women gravitate my way inexplicably. My wife is the strongest, brightest around.

How big of an explosion is going to happen? Does it have to end in tears?

 

You should share the post you made here with your wife.

 

Huge.

I like your writing style. What you have in mind... not so much. It just happens sometimes.

 

Bottle rockets, the colors, that smell, just oozing with potential to be something wonderful.

then you light it, it screams, it pops, it flies in an unexpected direction and it's wonderful.

Then you find what's left of it in the yard, cold, burnt, spent, and wet with morning dew.

 

Yes I agree Aerianne.....I aint no prude when it comes to the sexy side of life...but I aint got time for the cheating side of life...That kind of thing just destroys a persons soul and it will destroy the ablity to trust another...which in turn destroys a persons abilty to form relationships....so all in all...it sucks!.....My advice to anyone who feels that the relationship they are in aint cutting the mustard anymore...is to tell the person you are with the truth...and then if you feel there is no way through it....then its time to call it a day.....To sneak around having affairs and abusing someones love ..trust and faith aint cool in my eyes.....But we are all made different and sadly I know how it can be cos my Father had affair after affair and it destroyed my poor Mum......So just think on a wee bit .....It can get real messy and hurt someone who don't deserve the hurt....... I'm off to Church now

 

i'm not sure everything needs to be shared or that we can be everything for each other. i might go "french" with this. we already give each other space and know life is bigger than one person in terms of the details. so far this is "deep socializing." we haven't "gone all the way." we are limiting it. we have boundaries. but still ... it is crazy. i suppose dragonfly wings will take it away shortly...

 

Open relationship? Younger mistress seems more Italian, to me.

I was a mistress for a few years. The wife knew about it, in a general way, and didn't seem to care. I don't think she had details.

 

OK, Italian.

A "need to know" basis seems maybe legit.

My wife has space, gives me space. She is entering her "cooling" period of life. We are both less frequent in sex than we were. We don't fight it, tho I am more interested in sex than she is. She doesn't want that pressure, doesn't want me bugging her. She likes diff attention now. We still do romantic things for each other and are close. But I've wondered how we can deal with the sex side. Do I just let it go, too? ...Then this pops up. Don't ask, don't tell?

Really, I probably just am experiencing my first groupie. Easy come, easy go. Sweet but no big deal.

I am socially and politically active in alternative/creative ways. Though I don't have the usual position to lose. Yeah, the downfall of many. Hubris. I don't wanna be a fool, but there's a place for foolishness... Ha... Well, if we don't get carried away. Time and place for everything. Too bad this isn't Italy. But maybe it's close enough...

There are lines we walk everywhere. Life is art. Yeah, nothing is new under the sun, but...

 

You really sound like you are trying to justify this affair and that you want us all to back you up. Your wife won't care so why tell her. Are you sure she would not care?

I wonder how you would feel if you found out that your wife was having an affair with a 20 year old because you are just not satisfying her.

 

Strange. For most women, our sexual peak is several years later than for men.

I think you need to have a serious, open conversation with her about your needs.

 

1) you're not going to find justification to cheat on your wife here.

2) the hot young girl that is nice to you doesn't actually want sex. most likely she either thinks your a nice old guy and sex never crossed her mind, or else she knows you want to bang her so she leads you on just enough to get you to do things for her.

 

The responsible thing is to pass her on to others

 

yes...destroy your wife, cheat and fuck a woman just a few years older than your own children.....everyone will love you more for making that great decision

 

While thinking of this woman...think of your daughters being with a 50 year old married man. Stay home and take care of your family...tend your business like a MAN not a boy.

If I could reach through this screen, I'd slap you.

 

The only thing worse then a cheater is a cheater that trys to justify their action! It may not hurt you, but it will surely hurt someone else.

 

i suppose it's just the age-old prof / student thing. feels new and special the first time, but is an old story... i still wonder if there's room for the french/italian way. sounds like not so much here! i suppose one way to go is to take it as a compliment then pop up the standard boundaries.

 

There's room for everything if you can be honest about it with your significant other and if she then would be ok with it. Preferring to not be open about it with your partner (because it is somehow better not to bother her with it? LOL) is to answer your own doubts.

 

I hear ya. Really, I've misposted. This isn't a Free Love situation because there isn't openness all around. This is more a wondering about daliance. Different subject.

 

In my humble opinion you should stop wondering. Our thoughts lead us to make things happen, be careful of your thoughts. Nothing wrong with some boundaries.

 

Sometimes we consider free love and decide the potential cost is too high.