You will go with Jesus to live FOREVER in God's Kingdom

Jesus is Lord!

 

Hello!!

Jesus is beautiful

 

Jesus and I hang out often. We'll smoke a bit of God's good green herb, have a few laughs, then hop in the car. I tell Jesus to take the wheel, but we only ever get as far as Burger King due to munchies.

Though recently, I'm starting to think he's not the real Jesus. He looks kinda Puerto Rican & pronounces his name a bit funny. He insists he is though and said he could walk on water. One time, I asked him to prove it, so while he was at the wheel again, he drove us to the beach and headed out into the waves. Sure enough, he looked like he was walking on the water, then flipped me the finger for doubting him..... But then again, it was low tide and there is a sand bar near where he was walking.

He got annoyed that I wasn't entirely convinced, so we went to the nearby gas station and he bought a bottle of water. He proclaimed he could turn the water into wine. He did some waving with his hands around the bottle like some ammeter magician, then turned his back to me while he fiddle with the bottle. Then he turned back around, he said "Ta Da!" and sure enough, the water in the bottle was a reddish purple colour. Impressed, I asked if I could try some. Reluctantly, he handed it to me to try. It didn't taste anything like Wine and was very sugary, almost like Kool Aid.... But who carries Kool Aid around with them? That'd be silly. Maybe that's what magical holy wine is supposed to taste like.

He told me he'll take me to his Kingdom someday but it's complicated. Said something about the only way to get to the Kingdom without dying is by getting a hold of Captain Kirk's Enterprise. Guess I'll just keep faith it's really him.

Oh, hang on, he just texted me. Says he needs another $50. I gotta go. I frigging told him to stay away from those slot machines, they're rigged, but NoooOooo... Says he has the magic touch. Just hit a dry spell is all.

 

Praise God!!

 

His followers are telling me otherwise.

Not that any of it matters. I'm long past having imaginary friends

 

CHURCH: Organized groveling.

 

It depends on the church. We don't do much groveling in mine. This week, my Sunday School is starting a discussion of Bishop Spong's Unbelevable defending Christian spirituality, but challenging most of the doctrines contained in the Apostle's creed. I'm looking forward to it!

 

Moses is my Savior. He led my people out of Egypt and received the Word of God to give to our people