About eight months ago, I met my partner in an online forum. We were lucky enough to living in the same country, Australia, and even luckier that we could indeed be together. I moved interstate and have now settled into our home, our relationship and indeed our life. There's just one massive problem. My partner's ex-partner. Now, this woman is schizophrenic, and suffering a breakdown. For the last seven months, we've done everything we could do to help her. Quite seriously, the three of us became a good trio of friends, we all get along really well. Problem being is that every time the ex-partner has a breakdown, the only person she runs to is my partner. And for seven months, I tolerated it. I said very little, allowing my partner to help this woman through her troubles. Tonight, after several hours of e-mail conversation, the ex-partner started to once again threaten to kill herself and the dog they used to own together. My partner had reached her limit and flat out refused to go over there. Eventually, however, my partner gave in and is there now, as we speak. I cut off all contact with the ex-partner... we'll call her Zingo, because the other day we were supposed to be watching the dog so that Zingo could go to her therapist's appointment. That changed when Zingo arrived at our unit, drunk. We ended up changing our plans and taking her there. And it backfired, because she was drunk, she just got swallowed up in depression. I'm wondering, should I continue to be Zingo's friend, to help her, or should I just wash my hands entirely? Considering Zingo is my partner's ex and has given us plenty of trouble. I mean, Christmas was ruined when Zingo got drunk and took a knife to our throats. New Year's was pretty much the same. I have tried to help her, to be her friend, which is more than what some would have done. Heck, some people would have never gotten involved in the entire thing. I'm not like that, though. Anyway, point being I've reached my limit and don't want anything to do with her. My partner is much the same, yet will still give in like she did tonight. I guess I'm just asking for some input. Am I doing the right thing? Should I withdraw entirely, or should I just take a break and then maybe resume supporting Zingo? We suspect Zingo will commit suicide at some point, this is how bad she's become, with the schizophrenia and BPD, as well. I'm at my wit's end. Anyway, what do you all think?
You are not responsible for Zingo's life; if you and your partner have reached your limit, let Zingo go... If Zingo commits suicide, then you'll both know that you tried your best to help her; everyone has their limit... Don't push yourself, or you may wind up depressed yourself.
Eek! What a horrible situation for everyone. It sounds to me like you've gone WAY above and beyond for Zingo. Like, a million miles above and beyond. And she's being incredibly manipulative...she knows that when she says "Talk to me or I'm going to commit suicide!" it's nearly impossible for a normal person to respond "I'm done letting you screw with my life." But it's time to say exactly that. I think Tyger Lily's advice was perfect. Zingo's life is her responsibility, not yours. I hope she doesn't kill herself, but you and your partner can't save her; if she doesn't make it, it's not your fault. Also agree with what Scratcho said. Save the dog! I'm really sorry you're in this situation to begin with, though. *virtual hug*
she sounds beyond help, and yes, please, please save the dog. im sorry that your having a hard time, sounds terrible, i hope some good will happen. blessings xxx xx x
But stay READY to keep from having to GET READY,in case she decides you two need to join her--well,you know what I mean.Sorry about your situation--that's a difficult one.
Thank you muchly everyone, I really appreciate it. I'm sure there were nicer ways I could have introduced myself into this forum, but all the same, I am truly appreciative of all and any advice I can get on this matter. Today is a new day, slightly better than the one before. My partner has assured me things are going to change. All I need now is some proof!