You don't love me like you used to

That's basically how my internal dialogue has been going lately.

What's yours been saying?

 

Its been really down to earth about everythin lately.

 

You don't treat me like you should (i.e, you don't treat me well).

 

ehhh... i dunno. im proud of myself lately (for once). also i keep telling myself over n over "don't fuck things up this time!!"

 

'You need to toughen up !'

 

Mine is pissed the fuck off and screaming at me, lol. It's telling me "You don't get paid manager's salary, why the fuck are you having to do her damn job?" Thank god I have vacation coming up, or else I might go postal before I even go to the post office, lol.

 

by "you don't treat me..", i imagine myself telling myself that.. i dont mean, other entities dont treat me well.. *i'* dont treat *myself* well.

 

Mine says "You're going to die."

...Freshman starting school Monday.

 

Aww, don't worry too much. Just don't go in thinking or acting like you're big shit and upperclassmen will likely leave you alone. I know when I was an upperclassmen, I only gave shit to the freshmen who seemed to think they were big shit when they got into high school. Know your place and they'll probably let you be.

 

Thanks! Nice to hear something positive about it for once. I don't know why, but I seem to be the only one not excited for highschool, the rest of my friends are excited. Sorry for getting off subject

 

Strangely my internal dialog has reached a new level of serenity.

I am getting more detached and less involved in the constant questioning of my decisions and choices.

It is odd becase for a long time I thought my brain snapped. For a several years I was convinced that I was a functioning Megalomaniac.

I suppose lately what has been going on my mind is that I never actually get a true vacation.

Even when I go on Vacation I still am involved in my businesses.

So I need to find a way to take a vacation without my business interfering.

Have to find more balance

 

"I'm going to live every day better than the day before.." Coinciding with "Hahahhaha" Cause I laugh a lot inside... And finally..."I am me and that will never change.."

 

My internal chatter is telling me there is something fundamental I lack.

It's cute.

 

Everything happens for a reason...

 

that i needed a nap

so i took a nap

 

"Just fucking make the leap, if you fall, it's okay, failure isn't that big of a deal" "yes it is"

 

Failure is only a big deal if you can't be honest with yourself about it. If you can step up, admit your mistakes, and face them, you'll learn from them and what they teach you is usually greater than anything you could read in a book.

If you have to look around and blame people for your problems and failures, failure is a huge deal.

 

have a drink. no don't. have a drink. no don't. have a drink. no don't. don't have a drink. ok. that trick doesn't work on yourself. idiot.

 

failure is a big deal for me because I am not allowed to fail..

I know that explanation is built entirely upon the neurosis I am trying to purge, but, knowing that is the first step isn't it?

 

mine is saying..."make sure you wrap that gun barrel in duct tape before you eat it...i know how much you hate the taste of steel..."