YIKES, social anxiety

Well I put my social anxiety to the test. I went to my friends baby shower. I hate these things, not bc I dont like babies, but bc they are so girly. and I am not. But anyways. I spent the whole time, left out, alone, in the corner, only talked to a few people, bc the whole time, everyone had someoen to talk to but me, and goodness knows I cant go up to people I dont know. It was horrible, I had this crap in the pit of my stomach, these butterflies, I couldnt calm my mind down. And to make it worse, no one would come to me, and talk, and I am so nervous I can not do it on my own. How pathetic is that, at 23 years old, that I can not just start an conversation with someone I dont know. Needless to say, it was horrible!!! and my kids werent behaving either, so on top of being so nervous and anxious the whole time, my kids were holy terrors. does anyone else just have so much anxiety when around a lot of people? Mine is so bad, I actually had to leave early I get so nervous, and so anxious, and when I do talk, I am just shaking. It is so bad. I really need to get on xanax again, or next time, smoke before I leave.

 

Well the more you do things lie that, the easier it will become. Sure use things like xanax sometimes, then when you are comfortable enough start trying to do it drug free. Even a beer or 2 is a healthier alternative to xanax

 

i would say jus ride the wave and embrace thoes feeling get confterbal with them enough that the dont bother you, you can over ride the way ur brain has been programed it just takes time, some time i get in thoese situations but if its nit my scean i wont be there for long i enjoy my freedom if you know what i mean, haha i could just imagen the kiddes being terros made me laugh sorie man, all the best on ur endevors peace chicka

 

Dude. . . don't encourage her to take Xanax to deal with this problem. The only way that would help in the long run is if she started taking it all the time - in other words develop an addiction.

psychedelicg1rl, please don't take xanax or any other drug to cope with your anxiety. Once the short term (and its benefits) passes you'll be worse off than before.

 

If you're having social anxiety, maybe you're not doing what's natural to you. You just can't force yourself to be someone you're not. You won't have any fun that way anyway.

 

Things like xanax really helped me be comfortable... I don't really like pills but xanax is ok if you are good with moderation. Of course its a bad idea if you have an addictive personality.

 

remember others are more fucked in the head than you are..

 

I totally understand you psychdelicg1rl.
Im very anti-social and when it comes to social situations
I also get very nervous and feel like i need to puke:/
I agree with FreshDacre maybe a beer or two can help you.
Just don't become dependent with any drug or alcohol. Practice
meditating alone.Then when your with people and you start to feel
anxiety practice mindful breathing.Try to find your inner peace
tell yourself that you need to get through this because its a fear that
has been in you for too long.Dont ever try to get over this fear,always
try to take care of your anxiety what I mean by this is curing your anxiety
and getting through it, not over it
I hope that helps..Good luck.

 

It's kinda rude to invite a person to one's home and then make no effort to help the person feel comfortable. I don't see it as your fault that people didn't include you in conversation - I see it as a failing on their part.

Well, it's probably a little of both I suppose. It's very easy for me to say 'just try and relax' I know but that's really the best advice. Deep breaths. Listen to a conversation and when the opportunity arises, ask a question of one person who's talking - it indicates that you're interested in what they're saying. It should help to break the ice.

The person above who said the more you do these things the easier they'll get knows what they're talking about.

As far as toking before you go - well, I found that doing that before I met new people was counter-productive. Being stoned in a roomful of straights would make me paranoid and more hesitant to express myself.

 

Sounds like you're self conscious... I get that kind of anxiety a lot too, but I think it takes accepting yourself for who you are and first you have to search within to know. Once you know, accept it, then display it and that takes a little push and bravery on your part...

Sometimes to gain that bravery, I just put myself in a snarky mood. Also, self-deprecating humour can help - You can get in a conversation just by basically trolling everyone and laughing at whatever results you get, as long as you didn't mean it to hurt anyone, then you shouldn't worry about what you said or stop you from saying it.

If you don't want to do the above, then you don't have to go to parties that you don't want you go to. You're your own person and you aren't obligated unless it's vital... is a baby shower vital? nah. You said it yourself that you don't like the girly stuff, so why force yourself to like it? Like others have said, anxiety can come from forcing ourselves from becoming someone else.

 

I have social anxiety, it's pretty awful, I've had it my whole life. From a third party it appears as a fear of intimacy, or an unwillingness to open up to others. As such, many people are butthurt by my behaviour, slighted, think I am aloof and stuck up, and I have lost more friends than I have made. I don't like telling people I have it, because I think they would think I am using it as an excuse for something. I also try and hold myself to a higher standard by pretending I don't have it, so I can't use it as an excuse when I fail miserably in all sorts of social situations. However this causes a lot of stress and depression, because inevitably I do fail, and it's not my fault, but I blame myself and act like I could have done something different.

It really sucks to be a social animal and have your brain wired to trigger immense feelings of uncomfortability in social situations. The only thing that helps are drugs, which are a double-edged sword.

I have lost out on so much of life from this that I don't like thinking about it, it literally makes tears well up in my eyes. So many connections never made, or burned, and I can't fucking do anything about it.

There is progress though, little by little, year by year. I have lost out on all the best years of my life. I am 24 years old and just barely squeeking into the social skillset of someone who is 14. By the time I am ready and comfortable and "normal" in social situations I will be locked into a career, maybe a family. I never got to be a teenager, never got to be a college student. I have nothing to show from those years. Nothing. The one girl who somehow wanted to be with me I lost because I couldn't even tell her I loved her, I couldn't even tell myself I loved her.

Good to know there's others out there

PS. the thing that helped me the most was a high dose LSD trip. Just throwing that out there

 

thank you everyone! I dont have an addictive personality and I used to be prescribed xanax for my anxiety it somewhat works. I think I just shouldnt put myself in situations that arent even me in the first place, bc it makes it even worse. I am really trying though. I am just not comfortable around people, I get so nervous. I tried to put myself in conversations a few times, and I felt like they were annoyed with me, and they always acted like they had to get in the other room right away. I am going to try some of teh suggestions. but it isnt something I can just get over, I have had this since I was really little.

 

I understand exactly where you're coming from. I, too, have problems in social situations. I just don't know what to SAY! It's been this way most of my life...and the only advice I can give you is...practice. Think of your social skills as a muscle. The muscle never gets any stronger unless you use it, so I got a retail job where I was FORCED to talk to people. I joined an organization where I knew I would have things in common with people, so it made it a bit EASIER to talk to people. I learned to laugh at myself and make a fool of myself...because people are more open to coming up to you instead of having to worry about approaching people, which, for me, is the hardest thing.

Good luck...you'll be just fine.

 

That doesn't help does it.

You won't endear yourself to people by thinking of them as "butthurt". Just say something like "sorry, I was in a world of my own" and pretend you are daydreaming or something if you don't want to be honest and tell them you are a bit shy.

I wouldn't think that if you told me, I'd feel a twinge of sympathy and say something to put you at ease, suggest you just do what comes naturally, point out you didn't have to prove anything and say just talk when you feel like it. But if you hang around with people who regularly toss around phrases like "butthurt", maybe it's best not to not share too much with them...

You know not to do those things again then. We all make embarrassing mistakes. It's one way of learning. At the end of the day life will never get better unless you keep trying so it's a question of if you want to change enough. When you do want to, you will try. Doesn't mean it will be easy, but the most important thing is it's not a personal test for you, you are just trying to learn how to have a good time the same way everyone else does naturally, those lucky bastards don't you hate them

Doesn't sound like fun, but like the dog who's food his hidden under the noisy tank, eventually he will stop being scared of the noise if he keeps getting tasty morsals from the source of that frustration. As mammals we are all subject to classical conditioning, great bit about being a human is we can be our own trainer.

Never can get them back I'm afraid. You will never have those memories to look back on nearly everybody else takes for granted. Doesn't have to be that way for the rest of them though. The very best you can make of it is to stop wasting the rest, or try as hard as you are able. When you finally get it, imagine how good your year will be compared with most people your age.

Lotta people say things like that. It's impossible to get around here though so doubt I'll ever find out. You lucky bastard, I hate you

 

psychedelicg1rl, I think annie is talking very sensible when she says it's like a muscle. If you don't want to go and work in retail though you could always goto a different town where you're not known then visit a church, synagogue, other religious places and say you felt there is more to life and were drawn to come in. Ask them about their religion, you won't be able to shut them up. Once they've got going then you could ask them a couple of questions about themselves, think about their answers, try to think of something in your life which you are similar in, or for fun just make something up and say that to them, like:

A: "Those are lovely shoes, where did you get them?"
B: "Madeup Shop".
A: "Oh my cousin imlying from a longwayaway works there, she says it's lovely, I've never been myself. Is it really lovely?"

A: "Wow, you're really deep. I'd never thought of it like that. What do you do for a living?"
B: "An astronaut"
A: "Wow, wish I could do that. I'm just a cleaner. The stars are really pretty though, do you know the names of them?"

I mean it's endless. After a couple of questions and you saying things that are positive, they will probably start taking over the conversation and then you can relax a bit more. Just go with it.

Or tell them you are a stripper and feel like repenting just for giggles and make up a whole story on it, answer every question like what a stripper in a movie you saw did. It's just a bit of fun after all.

When you're bored look at the time, "oh no, my bus comes in 10 minutes! I've got to go!" and off you run, without another word.

 

thanks you two!! I am doing better, I have a ton of relatives coming over today for easter, got to get ready for them, havent met half of them, this will be a test at how well I can do this.

 

iv'e got social anxiety.. and smoking weed helps me with that.


and, not being around many people at once.
even family

 

Well I am smoking some before they come over, just enough to calm me down a little bit.

 

Actually- psych meds CAN help (prescription, herbal, whatever)- but they're best used as a temporary management solution while you figure out how to manage things long term- whether that's through therapy or whatever.

 

I can have pretty bad social anxiety. I had to give a toast at a wedding once and it was horrible, because no one laughed at any of my jokes and I kept thinking about how others were judging me. Then, the next year I had to give another toast and this time I was completely myself and spoke from the heart and it went perfectly. Meditation helped me a lot to stay calm and focused. It's all about just being yourself and resisting the urge to starting thinking about how others might be viewing you.