yet another thread pleading for assistance.. sorry it's so long

here's my story:

i play lacrosse, and am highly involved with the sport on many levels, i'm on the executive board for the organization, i coach, and i play on two different teams.. everyone is aware that i'm bisexual, and nobody (at least not to my face) has a problem with it.. i'm a very different person from most of these people anyway, and they just find it the most defining point..

on one of my teams, there is this boy (of course, this is where it's heading).. his name is Donny.. he is two years younger than me, very mature, very attractive (to me) and whatnot... he's fully aware that i'm bisexual, and so are his parents and his sister and the rest of our team.. we've started hanging out quite a bit this past season, and now that the season is over, we still hang out. just a week ago, he spent the entire day at my house, and we played pool and watched movies, and we even play-fought a bit. i've been trying to introduce him to many of my friends, for two different reasons... i really want him as part of my life, even as a friend, and i want him to meet some of my other friends, and get to know them and get to know what i'm like away from lacrosse... BUT, i also want some of my closer, more observant friends to give me their opinion, because i've convinced myself that this boy just might be interested in me as well, but in a much less obvious way. So i've taken him out many times, with multiple friends, and it's been a unanimous consenus that he is, indeed, flirting with me.. of course, i've thought this once or twice, but i'm so afraid that i might just be seeing what i want to, and will end up setting myself a trap.. but every one of my friends agreed, and all of them are quite brutally honest.

so i've decided i'm going to tell him. tomorrow (saturday) we decided to make plans and he suggested going out to eat and then seeing a movie (sounds like a date... he made the plans... THIS is what i'm talking about).. and so i decided that i'm going to tell him how much i am interested in him.

now here is my issue:
WHAT do i say? i don't know what to say to him, or how to state it... but i need to tell him, and i don't want to start, and end up completely tongue-tied, regressing into pre-verbal.. i need some advice on different approaches... please.

i'm sorry for the length of this, but i needed to give everyone the back story so they understand the situation... i need to tell him in a way that he understands (in case he feels the same) or that he doesn't take too offensive (in case he doesn't feel the same, and we still have to co-exist playing on the same sports team)..

any help would be appreciated.

love
-andrew

 

whoa. difficult situation. well, IF you feel like you have to tell him right after, maybe ask questions first in a nonchalante manner. if that doesnt work, i dunno... go with the flow. the spirit, ya know. it never fails. never.

 

k, well, he's got family things to do today, so i'm able to put it off until next weekend, so people PLEASE give me your advice, because i know some of you people here are really really smart and logical

 

I think you're quite smart and logical yourself, that is, you've analyzed this entire situation very well.


When this kind of friendship arises between girls, it's not easy to say "well, she won't be offended because he's open-minded enough to have a bi/gay girl for a friend." That's because the average liberal straight girl, especially in the teenage years, will befriend bi or gay peers. So the actual subject of attraction is kinda tricky and a huge risk because the "straight as far as we know" girl can still have lesbian friends without this being seen as a threat to her sexuality. When the suspician she had been suffocating or denying (that the lesbian friend might be attracted to her) for the sake of eternal open-mindedness surfaces, there's no telling what her reaction might be. Girls are unpredictable.

With guys, PARTICULARLY athletes, this is not the case.

If one of your teenage male sports teammates is fully aware you're bisexual and is saying yes to all these invitations out with your other friends, he is a special boy. I can't name a single guy in my high school, or any high school I know of, that would do that. Not to mention the fact that his family and everyone else around knows about you, yet he's still very open about spending time with you, going out on weekends, etc.

I say he's either into you or simply queer himself (in which case he would not be offended, persay, and you could work through it). And if he really does like you, awesome. You have a boyfriend. Tell him - and as for what to say, that's up to you. Maybe bring up what I started in the above paragraph: "you know...a lot of guys wouldn't be comfortable spending time alone with me like this...I really like that about you." Or something along those lines. Bring it up subtly...

 

Yeah, what she said.

 

RocknRoll Girl & Monosphere are both very wise.

The worse case scenario isn't that bad. He freaks out a little bit and doesn't talk to you for a few days and tells his friends about it. If you are bi, you were bound to start liking someone right? They must understand this. You can use this in your defense using a tone suggesting obviousness if anyone says anything. This situation, however, is unlikely.

If you outwardly say you like him and he doesn't have the same feelings you do, he'll probably just say so and move on. If he does like you, he probably won't know how to say it. He'll surprise you with his response. You'll run this through your head a thousand different ways, and he'll say something you never expected.

I hope this blossoms into a love story fit for Eliza's 2050 autobiography. Good luck, and let us know.

 

You're eighteen.


He's two years younger.

I don't know what the laws are in Canada, but where I live the age of consent is 18. If I were you, I'd move very cautiously on this one for that reason.

 

rockandroll and monosphere are indeed very smaaaht. i have been in a similar position as you and i must say that a relationship that is open on the field is like a workplace relationship...it is like dating a co-worker...which is frowned upon...and if you two have a messy breakup it could damage the team dynamic

that being said...
fuck it...honestly...my athletic relationships where the best ones...not only did i get to spend a ton of time with them...but there was also a huge commonality...and as far as the whole predicament with what to say...bring up being bi in a casual way...like, "ooh...he's kinda cute"...although saying this loudly may be uncomfortable for the kid. say it in a nonintrusive way i guess...and yes...it seems like this kid may be into you...because of what rockandroll said...
good luck honey...you know you'll have to report back with the details!

 

I hadn't noticed your ages.

I don't know what to say. I guess what I said still stands, except for a decreased likelyhood that it all goes idealy.

 

To clarify, 18 and 16 are not illegal to be together. if someone at the age of 18 wanted to have sex with a 16 year old, they are close enough in age that it wouldn't be considered statutory rape. However, if I(30 years) was to have sex with a 17 year old, I'm going to jail for a while and branded a sex offender. The laws do vary from state to state, so check it out before you start jerkin his gherkin.

 

Actually the laws have been reformed, now it's a four year difference.

Meaning, if you're 18 you can date anyone 14 and up. If you're 19 you can date anyone 15 and up, and so on.


Mmm, already posted, sorry. And yeah it does vary state to state.