X-boyfriend wrecked Anal for me

my gf and I have been dating for close to six months now.

we have great sex and have recently started trying new things.

I have brought up anal before, but she really doesn't want to..because she did it with her x (maybe 2 or 3 years ago) and that's all he wanted.

apparently he didn't do it right, because her experience was that it hurt and was uncomfortable, and that he always asked for it and she never wanted it.

We've talked about that past relationship a bit and overall it was a bad one. (he was controlling, verbally abusive, dishonest, and very immature).

her fear is that if we try it, I will like it and she won't and that I will leave her to pursue more anal sex with someone else, or I will beg for it when she doesn't want it.

also, she apparently had an experience of having to unload her bowels soon after one experience.

any tips for communicating that I want to experience mutual pleasure...

....

thinking back to the last time we talked about it, I don't think I did the best. I was just like "i'm really curious" and when I found out that's all he wanted then I was like "wow, now I really am curious"

I think I could have addressed her fears and let her know that I didn't want to force anything on her, and that i don't want to do anything that would make her feel uncomfortable or hurt her.

Maybe that's the first thing I should do. ..but I am a little afraid to bring it up now. I don't want her to have to experience bad memories, yet I really am curious about it, and I think it could be good for her to reframe her experience of anal sex into a pleasurable one!

...

Any tips or suggestions on how to encourage her to give it another chance?

I want to do it, but don't want her to feel pressured or obligated

 

This sounds like a trust issue to me. She'll let you do it once you get her full trust in the area. Start out trying to work her into enjoying it little by little. Use your tongue, fingers, toys, etc... and then when she's comfortable with those, you can start slowly with you dick.

 

I think you're right.

I did give her a little finger in the bum the other day while making out and rubbing her vagina. she seemed to like it quite a bit.

Maybe, I'll just keep working that area a little more often and see what happens...

....

another question...

how do you gracefully introduce lube into the picture? do you just have it by your bedside?

If I am going to start sticking my finger into her ass, I want it to be lubed up so it feels good for her.

I am pretty new to anal play so any tips suggestions or ideas would be great!

 

make sure to have one of those giant bottle/bucket things of lube

when the moment comes, exclaim, "hold on baby, let me get your ass lube for ya!"

lean under the bed and pull it out and generously apply with a spatula

 

If she knows you're trying to ease her into it, then it should be no problem keeping the lube handy for whenever you need it.

If you havent told her what you're up to, or want to be spontaneous about things, etc. then you could always just use your saliva.

 

fingering her and use a lube untel you fell that she can handle it try to use 2 fingers untel she can handle it then start with your dick and please be patient she need a lot of time to handle your dick and you both have a fun

 

go slowly and tenderly.. Before you know it you'll be enjoying her ass. you may want to receive the same, letting her know its trust and relationship thing besides just anal. my 2 cents!

 

+1 on the go slow. Take your time. She has trust issues and if she means that much to you, you will go slow...