Would you want to get pregnant if..

When I was 16 years old I found out I was pregnant. I was dating a guy who I thought was the love of my life. Obviously I was wrong.. it's a long story that has nothing to do with what I'm going to ask so I won't even get into it.

When I was 4 months along, I ended up loosing the baby. They did some testing on me to find out what might have happened and one of the blood tests showed that my ANA level was high. I was sent to a rheumatologist and I was told I had a few symptoms for lupus, although I didn't have enough to be diagnosed with it.

About a year ago I started getting aches in several joints. I have arthritis in my ankle and wrist (which I have broken before and had to have surgery on about a year after each break to remove inflammation) but these aches were in many other joints that I was not used to hurting in. I was also breaking out in a rash when I was in the sun, etc. My neurologist (who I see for epilepsy - have it after a car accident) tested my ANA again and then sent me to a rheumatologist at the Indiana University hospital where my other neurologists are.

I have been seeing this doctor every few months and I am now diagnosed with lupus. I spoke to her recently about my fear of having children. I am in a serious relationship and although I have no intention of having a child anytime soon (in the next year or so), my man and I do talk often of having children together and are planning on having a family one day. We are going to be married sometime in the next few years and I want to be able to have his children.

The thing is.. people in my condition are prone to miscarriages. Although they often do have healthy babies, it is often after their first few attempts. This is just.. horribly scary to me. I have already lost one child and I cannot stand the thought of going through this again.

My brother and I were both adopted because my mom could not have children. We grew up with wonderful lives. As matter a fact, I do not even remember some dramatic moment in my life when I was told that I was adopted. My parents handled it perfectly with us. It is something I have always known.. but it isn't extremely upsetting to me. If we decide to adopt I want to handle it exactly as my parents have. But we do not want to adopt.. we have talked about it.. but we would love to have our own babies.

What do you think about our situation? I know I am worrying about it too early and it's not even something we have to deal with right now. I am pro-choice, although I would not get an abortion myself... but when I REALLY think about it I can almost (please do not judge me!!!) see myself getting one if I got pregnant to prevent myself the pain of loosing a baby so much later down the road. It is SO hard to be far along and loose a precious child.

I just don't know what to do and the thought of it all is so hard...

I apologize for the length of this.. I really needed to get this all off my mind.

 

Its a hard call.. but I wouldn't given up on being a mama just because of your illness. I know a couple Mama's with lupus. One has 3 children.. and she has had 2 losses. One at like 16 weeks, and another early miscarraige. It was hard on her, but she has 3 beautiful children now.

I don't have lupus, but I also have a chronic illness/chronic pain and have had a number of pregnancy complications. I have 3 babies and one on the way. I had all 3 prematurely, and with 2 I had placental abruptions. I spent 2 months in the hospital with my last pregnancy before he was born at just 32 weeks (2 months premature). He's now a happy 18 month old and despite having mild cerebral palsy, chronis lung disease, and developmental delays, he's doing great. My kids are my world and worth every obstacle I had to endure to get them here.

 

If you want a baby that bad, you might have to go through the heart ache a few more times. But remember, when you finally do have a child it will be the light of your life.

Some people can't have kids period, I would take the chance if there was even the smallest, as hard as it could be.

 

I would defiantly work on the lupus first, get rid of it. Then prepare the fertile ground. I can empathize very much, and I would also want you to be able to bond & mother your baby, you deserve to have a healthy body & a healthy pregnancy. Prepare yourself, it takes time.