Several weeks ago my wife and I were sitting in out living room watching TV then around 8:30 or 9 there was a knock on our door. Neither of us were expecting anyone and our kids all have keys. But that late they would have let us know they were coming by. When I went to the door and looked out the peep hole I noticed it was a county sheriff. My step-son, wife's youngest, was recently in a pretty serious automobile accident and he sort of left the scene so I was thinking they were coming there for him. When I opened the door the sheriff asked if (insert name) lived here. He asked for my wife. I looked back at her and said "honey, he wants you." She comes to the door and he hands her a thick packet of paperwork and said she had like 30 days to respond and he left. We go back inside and look at the papers. Come to find out, several years ago in 2019 my wife had apparently taken out a Navy Federal credit card or something like that and didn't pay the bill. They were suing her for a little more than $14k. Let me tell you, we had a major conversation that night. When I questioned her on it she told me that I had used the card too. What she meant by that was that no, I never had physical possession of the card, but she used it to pay a car repair I had several years ago and she used it to pay some of our household bills. Yes, I asked for help with the repair but I figured she had the funds in her account and could help me out, not that she had a secret credit card I didn't know about and she charged the repair on that card. And then with our household bills, all our bills totaled together for 12 months probably wouldn't come close to $14k. I then asked her what did she charge on the card and she said she didn't really remember. I told her it's not like she had a ton of designer clothes, purses or LV shoes or anything like that in the closet. She did say that she would sometimes just take cash off the card to keep in her pocket. I always wondered why my wife always had extra money after we pay our monthly bills. She also said that some times when we'd go out to eat she'd put our meal on the card or she'd buy groceries with it. Again, I didn't know she had the card so I wasn't looking at her wallet when the bill came to see what card she was paying with. Some times I'll pay and other times she'd pay because we kept our own personal accounts after we got married. When I asked to see copies of the statements she said she didn't have any because they never mailed her a statement. That I fail to believe because no CC company is just going to send you a bill to say what you owe without showing you what you charged that month. Chances are she had paperless billing so she was getting emails instead of actual statements in the mail for me to possibly see them and question them. She said she no longer has access to the account so she couldn't just log in and see those statements. Along with the papers the sheriff dropped off were a few pages of payments that she did make on the card. At most my wife was paying $25 here and there. What is $25 going to do when the bill is well over $10k? Several days later she called an attorney who charged her like $50 for a phone consultation but he wanted too much to take her case. She then called the CC company and worked out a payment arrangement. She now has to pay more than $300 a month for the next 5 years in order to pay off that debt. To me that's like getting a new car loan. They will be automatically be drafting it out of her account each month. And on top of that they charges for their attorneys have to be paid which now pushes the balance to well over $16k. Let me say this. My wife and I aren't independently wealthy by any means so that additional money coming out of her account is going to put a damper on our household budget. We have a joint account for bills and things but we kept our own personal accounts when we got married. This money will be coming out of her personal account. She now wants me to help her pay off that debt. I looked at her and said "I didn't apply for the card, I never had possession of the card, I didn't stop paying on the card, so I'm not going to start paying on the card." In a perfect world spouses would and should help each other out, but does this fall under that umbrella? Your spouse goes out and applies for a credit card that you didn't know about, literally maxes it out, then wants you to help pay off the debt. Would you help?
no, when my wife & I got married we agreed my bills were mine & her bills were hers and each responsible for our own debts. have never had any thing joint.
we pay for everything separately, we buy our own cars, insurance, own credit cards, we own nothing jointly, works out better, no argument about money, #1 divorce cause, I would check if bill is ours, it was in her name right? I am not responsible for my wifes debts, my name not on name & vice versa
This is actually a fairly common situation. Credit card lenders make it extremely easy and attractive for people to borrow money for things they really don't need, to enjoy a lifestyle that's beyond their means. Of course the bill comes due eventually. Clearly, you two have communication and trust issues, but you should pay the debt off together. She made a series of mistakes in taking on a debt she couldn't pay, and in not telling you about it until it was in the process of collection. However, you vowed: "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer." This just happens to be one of those worse and poorer situations you said you'd accept. There are some people who compulsively take on and conceal debt that they can't pay. Ask her if she may do it again. If she thinks she might, she should see a therapist/counselor. If your wife convincingly says that she learned her lesson and wouldn't do it again without consulting you, accept that. Forgiveness is a powerful tool. Forgive her for keeping this secret from you until she needed you to contribute to a very expensive resolution. Forgiveness means that you'll never bring it up again, never throw it in her face, never mention it during an argument. Pay the monthly bills on the debt together, and only a few years from now, you'll be completely done with it. You may never have made a mistake this expensive before, but you've made mistakes also, and she's still with you.
You asked the question. You received an answer. You didn't like the answer. It wasn't the answer you were seeking. "Mistake" - definition: an action or judgment that is misguided or wrong. Being rude when you do know what you're talking about is inexcusable. You're both rude and mistaken. It's clear that your wife must suffer more in the "for worse" category than you do. Use some of the money that you won't be using to pay the debt to purchase a dictionary for yourself.
Yes I would be helping, we have a joint bank account, both of our paychecks are automatically deposited. Happy wife = happy life
You asked for options. Did she spend all that money on herself, buying nice clothes and jewelry, taking vacations by herself ? Or did she spend it on things for the house and family.
There's nothing around the house that she can show she spent it on. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes, that's how it is. It happened here too. So Congrats. Your Family has what is called a: Charge off, or uncollectable debt. It can be flipped into a judgement which then can attach to an asset like a car or a home you own. A mere collection account will sunset after seven years. No this is a Judgement. So yes, help to pay it off........ If you value your marriage to your spouse that is. She has learned a lesson and is embarrassed. Being a hard ass can loose you your marriage, that happened to a buddy.
A Debt of $14K is a bit light to declare bankruptcy. You said your spouse did speak to an attorney. was this option considered? As far as abusive credit practices go $14K is light,
Send the request for the records, let the CC company answer this question. Also look into a credit counseling company, they will help negotiate an affordable payment plan,
For me it wouldn’t be about the money, it would be the doing this behind my back, secrets like this always come out, is there a reason she didn’t tell you ? Would you blow your top ? Maybe she thought she could fix it somehow without you finding out. It’s not worth losing her over this, the situation is not perfect but I’m sure you can make it work.
Ohh just read the headline that is long post and with scanning the thread looks like a lot of baggage with drama ...I always try to give someone the benefit of the doubt that they will act with integrity it’s always nice giving somebody a chance and watching that chance follow through to see the result ..either way you do not lose when you give it is always a gain
The cc will not give you the information, being it’s not your account, your wife must request the information.
I would just ignore what the money was spent on. Put it in the past. I would be concerned by the overall credit picture and would ask to see a copy of a credit report to see if other credit "irregularities" exist. While at work, I saw way worse than the situation you guys are in.........Take heart, keep your love strong, help in retiring this obligation.
