Would you forgive your GF if she cheated on you?

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by musingbird, May 19, 2004.

  1. musingbird

    musingbird Member

    My GF is my colleague. She had an affair with a man while I was on a business tour. The worst part is: that guy is also my colleague, and he turns out to marry one of my neighbor, moves in with her and lives just next door to me. I can meet him almost ever day, which really hurts.

    What would you do if you were in the same situation? I feel really bad.
  2. mystical_shroom

    mystical_shroom acerbic

    Are you still with your girlfriend?
    If I were you and still with your gf, i would dump her and find someone else.
    I wouldnt worry to much about your new neighbor, you could always sleep with his wife to get him back...sorry bad joke...
    But i would put it all behind you and move on to something better.
  3. musingbird

    musingbird Member

    I'd thought of leaving all this behind but couldn't forget what happened at all.
    I loved my GF very much, but this thing just was too hard for me. We were almost on a break. Now we still talk on the phone, neither mentioning anything about that, but we both know it exists there in our mind.
  4. mystical_shroom

    mystical_shroom acerbic

    Thats just to much stress, all of the emotions, hurt, sadness, all bottled up inside. Wouldnt it be easier to just move on and feel the pain of that for a little instead of a constant pain and a constant unknowing..
    I know you love your girlfriend and it is easier for me to say this cause i am not in your postion. But you kindof have to be selfish in the situation and worry about your feelings and if they are going to get hurt again.

    Or you can just sit down with her and talk about it all, tell her everything that you feel and that bothers you...

    Maybe have some time to yourself, time to heal....

    Good luck with everything....
  5. Mintaoism

    Mintaoism Member

    Dump her, and scratch his car..and move away form there
  6. Danielle

    Danielle Member

    The way I look at it if someone is desperate enough to cheat once they will do it again. If something is wrong enough in your relationship to cheat in the first place its going to happen again. or you both get some major counseling and perhaps maybe u can try and build some more trust but i couldnt stay with my Fiance if he cheated on me. I love him so much but if he cheated i would be gone. But thats just me.
  7. Earthy Mama

    Earthy Mama Feel my wrath... ;)

    from personal experiance of dating a cheater...
    I'd say move on, it will never work, once a cheater always a cheater. The guy I was with pretended to care but just couldn't "help himself" which is a load of bull. Evidently a cheater doesn't give how you feel, they'd rather have their own for the moment pleasures fullfilled or else it would have never happened in the first place. Usually if they get away with it once they'll keep doing it.
  8. Spuff

    Spuff Where's my ciggies?

    I found out from personal experience that if you forgive them, they're just as likely to do it again ... I've had two girlfriends do it to me and it really hurts. But if you really love them, I'd say staying friends may be a good thing to do because you can 'ween' yourself from them and it does help to ease the pain ... well, it did for me anyway.
  9. serra

    serra tentacle girl

    i think you need to have a good, long, intense conversation about everything that is going on. it needs to be completely open and honest and then go from there.

    i don't feel that i can REALLY give advice one way or the other because i don't know the situation, how serious you were, ect. but, my philosophy towards cheaters has always been: if you don't want to be with someone, don't be. i've always thought cheating to be a selfish and greedy act. especially in a situation like this where it was an affair. i mean, a random one night stand that involves drunkeness is still horrible but at least it was only a one time mistake. if it was an ongoing thing, then i think that it's just plain selfish. if she wanted to be with someone else she should've had the courage to tell you and to move on.

    but that's just me. peace love and happiness and hope everything works out for you.

  10. WayfaringStranger

    WayfaringStranger Corporate Slave #34

    well im some cases "cheating" is a forgivable offense. first off, you have failed to put an engagement, wedding, or promise ring on this girls finger. in other words, you do not own her. i personally have the ten day rule. if i havent slept with my woman in ten days, and she sleeps with another man, and waits ten days since him before she sleeps with me, than it is acceptable, but not encouraged, behaviour. this woman did however chose a bad lover, because he does have a relationship with you, so you will be reminded continously, he is married, and there is a high rate of reoccourance since he lives right the fuck next door. that is bad bad bad for her. now consider that she could have been victumized, as this man knows you, and your weaknesses, making it very easy to discredit you in her mind. and lets be honest, its not hard to convince a girl to sleep withyou, especially when her man will be away for quite some time.

    but i would say dump her, because very few people are mature enough to work through this in a productive and healthy manor.
  11. dawn_sky

    dawn_sky Senior Member

    First, to the original question, I personally would not tolerate cheating. It doesn't even matter whether they had a couple of one nite stands, a long term affair, or even an online romance without ever seeing one another in person. Cheating is not about sex, it is about a betrayal of trust. If you two agreed to be exclusive, then she fooled around while you were out of town, her word is worthless. Regardless of whether a cheater is always a cheater or whether they can learn to control themselves, how can YOU ever trust that person again?

    If you don't have trust, what exactly DO you have that you call a relationship?

    I was unaware that, if my boyfriend puts a ring on my finger, he will "own" me. (Sarcasm there, how else does one reply to such a load of crap?)

    The only difference a ring makes (or should make) is that it signifies to the rest of the world that the two of you are ready to make a longer term commitment. If you have made a commitment to be with only that one person, there is no excuse for cheating -- if you are not yet married, it is far easier to break off the relationship to go be with someone else, but that's about the only difference it should make. Of course, if you are just casually dating without making any commitment to be exclusive, then you have no obligation, as you did not commit to anything.

    If you two have not had sex in 10 days, do you feel free to go be with another woman? Have you made this explicit?
    Frankly, it doesn't sound like you make any commitments to be exclusive, it sounds like you have open relationships with guidelines. In which case, having sex with another person is not cheating, as it is not a breach of trust. The original poster seemed to feel that he and his partner had committed to being exclusive.
  12. musingbird

    musingbird Member

    Thanks to all of you for replying.
    My GF(or ex-GF?) and I had a talk. She confessed to being lonely while I was out of town, so...
    Anyway, I will move ahead.
    Thanks again.
  13. alpacas_r_us

    alpacas_r_us Member

    The key isn't if you love her. Do you truely feel that she still loves you? Not by her words, but by her actions. If she still truely loves you then you can probably move on from this. If not, then you're better off calling it quits now.
  14. Crimson

    Crimson Member

    I would give her the BIG BOOT and tell her to get the FUCK OUT. If this chick doesnt want you no reason for you to want her. Dont blame yourself. As for the new neighbor just realize that he probly didnt know
  15. geckopelli

    geckopelli Senior Member

    In a long term relationship LOYALTY, HONESTY and than Love- in that order.

    Liars lie and cheaters cheat. It's thier nature.

    "Fool me once, shame on you, Fool me twice..."
  16. WayfaringStranger

    WayfaringStranger Corporate Slave #34

    sorry for offending you dawn. i never meant to imply that a man owns a woman, and im sorry you drew that from what i said. i was trying to point out that if he didnt want her with other men, then put a ring on her finger. im also not much one for an open relationship, nor do i really approve of them, i was just trying to point out some good reasons for forgiveness, not a doorway into hedonism.
  17. bellystar

    bellystar Member

    I think that by allowing someone to get away with cheating one time, you are inviting them to do so again. Once a cheat, always a cheat.

    I know I would not be able to trust them again, ever.
  18. wizarddrew77

    wizarddrew77 The Wiz

    Hey no probelm go have sex with any hot female in her family and also his!
  19. SelfControl

    SelfControl Boned.

    I've had a boyfriend cheat on me, years back, and if he asked me today I would go right back to him. This is possibly not a good thing.

    I think it depends on your view on fidelity, sex and trust. I'm pretty loose about sex, and I don't care much for exclusivity either, but the trust violation, that he couldn't ask me first rather than doing it behind my back, kinda hurt.

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