Would the time EVER be right for a husband to step out on his wife?

I know it is NEVER ok to cheat on your partner and I have never in all my 45 yrs done so BUT, I find myself thinking about doing just that lately. I'm 45 and my wife is 49 we have been married for 5 years and she will not initiate sex. She has twice in the 5 years we have been married, but she was a little intoxicated both times. I have gone a month without trying to have sex with her, hoping sooner or later she would want some sex and would initiate something, but it never happened. Going so long without being pursued by your wife to have sex does a number on your ego and self-confidence. You begin to think "Am I ugly or does she not find me attractive..... Those thoughts are not ones you want to have running thru your mind.
ANYWAYS, We have a new secretary at work and she is 31 and attractive but good Lord, she has an ass on her that is the stuff dreams are made out of. She is recently divorced and has a 2-year-old son. We talk openly about whatever is on our minds and we have talked about sex to which she asked me if my wife was kinky and how big my equipment was. I can imagine that bubble butt of an ass she has with her panties (thongs, because she told me she wears them) disappearing in the crack as she leans over her desk and pulls those panties to one side and................ WELL, SEE what I have going on in my head and I truly think if she were to make a move on me one day at work when we were alone, I wouldn't turn her down, and that would be a problem there. SHOULD I just divorce my wife before I attempt anything with the new secretary?? I have talked and talked to my wife about my problems with her not initiating and she just says that she is sorry but never attempts to fix the issue so that problem will never get fixed.

ANYWAYS, A little advice would be great

 

Tell her if you are not getting it at home, you might look for it elsewhere. I have seen a few divorces get very messy. Might want to give a little more thought to that!

 

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So, when you initiate, does she always turn you down or does she just not initiate it ? Was there some initial sexual attraction and it just fizzled out? Some people are just not sexual and at 49 who knows what menopause is doing to her ... and then again....she'll be the first to whine "oh why oh why would he cheat on me...."......

I think you'll just have to understand, they don't think like we do. Sex is about #47 on their list. You need to be direct - I need more sex, and I need it from you.

Messing around with an attractive secretary with a 2 year old is a disaster waiting to happen, keep it in your pants, especially at work unless you feel like handing over half of your shit in a divorce for a quickie in the utility closet at work as that's where you'd be headed with this.

 

Thanks for the reply. I will try to answer both your questions here. She has gained about 30 lbs in the past 5 years since we got married and yes she is self conscious about that. She was also molested or raped by her previous husbands father which I know she is still dealing with even after 7 or 8 years. She will never forgive him for what he done and ive tried to explain to her that she shouldnt forgive him for his benefit but for her well being. She needs to let that go and at least put it behind her because holding all that hate in just upsets her because he isnt missing any sleep over it. She also says her ex husband would turn her down occasionally which she says cause her not to initiate for the fear of rejection. Yes, she is 49 and going thru menopause so im sure that affects her too. I have bought her numerous sets of lingerie and she actually did put one set on and modelled it for me one evening after a half a pint of jack daniels but i understand that she was a little self conscious and the alcohol helped so if thats what it took then im good with it. Just happy she was able to do that at all. I dont want to cheat and have never cheated but I have never had a significant other that didnt initiate at all so Im just in a situation that im not accustomed to. I dont think i would ever pursue something with the secretary but I have played the entire scenario out in my head a number of times. I have tried to talk to her about some of her fantasies to see if maybe we could do some role playing in the bedroom to help the sex life but she says that she never fantasies about anything. That is hard for me to believe that someone doesnt fantasies at least some but she swears that she doesnt. I asked her to take an hour or so a couple of times a week and get in the bed and while its quiet just try and fantasies about what she would like or maybe a previous sexual encounter that she really enjoyed BUT she has yet to do that and I dont see her ever trying. She NEVER turns me down if I initiate but she never starts it herself and when i do and we have sex its like she is just laying there waiting on me to finish. She doesnt hardly make any noise or feel around on me or herself so its like she is just letting me go thru the motions to keep me from bitching aboiut not getting any sex. Ive tried to tslk to her but she always and i mean always takes it personal and gets upset and tells me i should go and find me a wife like i want and go ahead and divorce her.

 

Many a woman loose interest, menopause can change a woman’s desire, depression, weight gain, etc

Communication is always best, are you willing to give up your wife, home etc. for a fling ?

The secretary is divorced, possibly she has a problem being faithful, nothing I would want to deal with.

 

M

 

Never miss out on "opportunity" If she were to ask take up the offer, this will give you time to reassess your relationships. Best of luck, however I am never certain about marriage situations like yours, How could you ever marry before making sure your sex-life would be to your liking!

 

I think you should go to couples counseling if you can't work this out with your wife.

There may be some solution, or she may even allow you to see other people.

The worst thing is to just to do something behind her back.