Worth the wait?

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by marquis_de_odde, Jan 6, 2005.

  1. There's this guy that comes into the bar I work at all the time. For the past month or so he's been chatting me up and I've wanted to ask him if he wanted to go for a drink but I've been too shy. Anyways about two weeks ago his mate told me he liked me as well so we chatted for awhile and ended up having sex( it turns out he lives right across the road from me and he was outside after I was done work). I didn't really hear too much from him after that, he'd still seek me out at work but we didn't mention it or anything like that. Now he's told me it's because his ex-girlfriend's harassing him and he wants to get her out of the way before he starts anything with me. Does this sound like a truthful explanation, is it worth my time to wait around or is it likely he's lying? If it was just a one night stand to him he'd avoid me like the plague afterwords wouldn't he? Any advice on the situation would be great.
     
  2. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    Well, since I don't know him, I don't know if he's telling the truth. It very well could be and if so he is VERY MUCH WORTH THE WAIT!! Most guys don't even wait until the relationship is over to start playing around. If it was a one night stand he would most likely avoid you completely, but maybe not. I would have a drink with him, tell him you enjoyed the night you spent together and tell him you can't wait until you can share more of those!! If he acts funny, then he probably just made it up to spare your feelings, but if he had fun too, let him deal with the other shit going on in his life right now because it'll be so much more fun!
     
  3. mystical_shroom

    mystical_shroom acerbic

    Im gonna have to disagree..hehe
    I dont think he is worth the wait cause he told you this exgirlfriend thing after you two have had sex so therefore, he is probably lying but then again I have no idea though..
     
  4. He obviously hasn't told his ex about having sex with you...so he's lying to her. right?

    Will you be next?
     
  5. lawngirl

    lawngirl Member

    i've worked in a bar before, and the dudes there that tend to be all over the female bartenders usually aren't the best kind of guys. that's a harsh generaliziation, especially since i haven't met the guy. but i learned, "the hard way," not to get mixed up with customers.

    the ex-girlfriend excuse also makes me wonder. like headieinmyhead said, he didn't tell his ex about you... (which, if she's an insane ex, might be for the best). i wonder if his ex knows she's his ex... especially since it was only mentioned after you guys had sex. maybe they're still sleeping together on occassion and she thinks they might get back together? or maybe she doesn't exist at all and he just wants a fuck-buddy without any committment? how long has this couple been broken up? could they have broken up after you guys had sex? and what did he do to deserve harassment from her? also, does he come into the bar with the same friend every time, or different ones? maybe he hasnt said anything about it, cause he hasn't told his friend, either (maybe he doesnt want his "ex" to find out? or likewise, maybe he's just being respectful by not bringing it up where you work, in case a co-worker or someone overhears).

    either way, he just got out of a relationship, and it sounds like he's using his ex as an excuse to get out of a relationship with you (rather than saying that he just wants to enjoy the freedom of being single). i mean, his girlfriend isn't harassing him to the point of following him to you bar... and it doesn't sound like she called or stopped by while you guys were having sex... so i don't see how her harassment could truly impose upon his dating, if he really wanted to. it sounds like he doesn't just want one one-night stand, but a series... like a non-commital fuck-buddy, whenever it's convenient for him (since he stops by your work frequently, but doesnt want to see you outside of work unless there's sex involved). if he never wants to see you again, all he has to do is stop going to your bar... do you have his phone number? it also sounds like an un-fair balance, where he wants total control of his encounters with you (whereas you can't stop by his bar or call him up to hang out).

    my advice is to just treat him like any other customer for now. maybe he's lying, maybe he isn't, and you don't know him well enough to know for sure. also, if you keep having sex with him and something goes wrong, then what? a guy who will have sex with you and not give you his phone number is the kind of guy who will not admit to having given you an std, and will not help pay for an abortion/child support.
     
  6. wonkothesane

    wonkothesane Member

    wonko recomends marquis read "He's Just Not That in to You."

    I have used the "well, I still am trying to cut the ties with my ex-wife" as an excuse to avoid seeing a girl *twice* in the last year...

    ('course, it was *kinda* true, but if I'd really been interested I wouldn't have let that stop me for a second...)

    I would say "Well, just fuck him"...but aparently you have already done that... ;)

    I hate to be the bearer of bad news...because, trust me, I know all *about *getting dumped on my the opposite sex...getting you heart ripped-out and dropped kicked into the waste bin...it's happened to me *alot*...

    And hey, *maybe* I am wrong...
     

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