Why don't more ladies post on this forum?????? We guys would love to hear your ideas, fantasies, insights, & opinions. It's anonymous - so why be afraid? I've heard - and read - women say "Men don't understand us. They don't get us." Here's a perfect opportunity to shed some light, ladies!!!
I would be but I have been working in the garden for the last month, I am exhausted when I finally come in, I barely have time to come and check messages. When planting season is done I'll try to post more Anything specific you would like to know about?
Thanks MoonGoddess for responding!! Really any topics of a sexual nature. Truthful opinions, fantasies, and ideas. I've seen too many "bait & switch" types of things happen, where a girl / woman says she likes to do this or that - only to be lying just to "hook" a guy. I'm sure it happens with some guys "baiting " ladies too. I'm interested in what women REALLY like in a man - and DON'T like as well. What male qualities REALLY matter to ladies. We guys hear women say thing like "honesty, sincerity, kind, romantic, loving, caring, committed, etc. But then we see women go NUTS over "bad boys" who treat women badly, are wild and unattached, break all rules, won't commit, have a "don't care about tomorrow" attitude, drink too much, do drugs, screw women wherever & whenever, etc. That kind of female behavior has all guys asking, "What the hell do they really want in a guy??" It seems the commonly named positive traits are NOT ACCURATE!! One topic that has me fascinated for the last couple years is the wife / GF wanting to have a "friend with benefits" and still strongly maintain her marriage or relationship. I've seen the increase in the number of dating / hook-up sites where ladies advertise as "Married, but looking" ---- "Married, but Hubby Approves" ----- "Married & Dating." For so long, women were rigidly constrained by society to be "good girls" - meaning they got married and had sex with only their husband ………… while men were out cheating and boning women just for the fun and "change" of being with someone new. The tide seems to be changing and the ladies are seeming now to want the same thing the men have enjoyed for decades ……….. some sex-on-the-side without wanting to trash / ruin / end the marriage. The stigma attached to men that "get some on the side" has been that of a stud, "player" and macho kind of guy. Society hasn't condemned the guys for seeking some "side fun." But society has been very harsh toward ladies who try the same. Now - it seems as though some ladies aren't afraid to say what they want & get it, or they don't care as much what society thinks. It also seems a fair number of husbands and BF's are supportive of their ladies wishes /wants /desires these days, from researching ads on dating & hook-up sites. There are increasing numbers of paper & online books written about this trend too. This fascinates me. I just wish society would treat men and ladies equally when it comes to "sex-on-the-side" situations, meaning wink at the men - but verbally & socially "spit" on the ladies. Women ARE NOT a sub-class!!! How's that for some ideas to chew on, MoonGoddess !!! ???
It was a bit cold and windy today so I didn't do a lot in the garden, it gave me a chance to write. Most women, whether they want to admit it or not, are nurturers, it’s in our DNA to keep the species going. So when women think about what they want, they are using their heads and listing off all these desirable traits but then their biology takes over when they are attracted to the “bad boys” if they are damaged in some way, we want to make it all better and “fix” them, which, let’s face it, hardly ever works out, but we try. We feel like we will be the exception, with our love we can tame the wild beast and on a more base level, that we are not really conscious of, we feel the “bad boys” are better protectors because they are more rough, not always true but again, biology. Biology would also have us believe that if he has been with a lot of women then he must be a good procreator, just like lions or elk, or any number of animals, the strongest, most dominant males mate with as many females as they can. This does not fit in with the way modern humans have evolved but the biological imperative is still there, at least for some. Some women have figured out how to use reason to make better choices but usually after a few mistakes first, some never learn and despite their best intentions, they still make choices based on their hormones instead of their head. Recently, I had gone the longest I have ever gone without sex since I was 16, about 5 months. I was so horny I ended up starting to watch porn, which I have hardly ever done, and I masturbated for 12 hours straight, I also was never that big on masturbation. I found myself fantasizing about all kinds of things including MFM and DP. At the time if the opportunity presented itself and my husband was cool with it, I might have done it. Now, after some marathon sex for almost 2 months and being calmer, less sex crazed and hormonal, I’m not so sure. I still find the idea intriguing but am much less likely to follow through with it. Hormones are very powerful things, they can completely override reason if given half a chance. That whole "bait and switch" thing might just be the hormones shifting, it doesn't mean she lied but that the feelings changed. As far as women looking for a side piece, I think that has always been there, it just wasn’t talked about as openly and if they weren’t discrete enough they would be labeled slut or whore. I think the tide has really turned where men are the ones being ostracized for sleeping around too much. Being called a “player” by a woman is not something to be proud of anymore but most women who are promiscuous are no longer ashamed of it and if they don’t feel shame, then nothing others say will matter. I don’t think any of it has really changed so much as the way we perceive and react to it has. As far as supportive husbands and boyfriends go, I think again, they have always been there to some extent but there may be more now then before just because (and I may be wrong here but) they figure if they don’t go along with what their women want, they may not have a woman at all. There are also a lot of guys that are not only supportive but also encouraging their wives/GFs to be with other men, they want to watch or get all the details later. Unfortunately, I have no insight into that, sorry. You know that phrase, a guy wants, “A lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets,” same goes for women but just in a slightly different way. A guy that has all the soft and sweet qualities but packaged in a bad boy facade. So, “What do women want?” Apparently, we want it all…just like men. What that means for each woman is different of course and, unfortunately for you men, it can also be different from day to day(or minute to minute) for the same woman. Hormones again, sometimes you want a guy to be a caveman and throw you down on the bed, other times you want romance and candlelight, sometimes you just want to cuddle. Some general guidelines might be; Be honest but understand that she might get mad at you anyway…but still be honest. Be romantic, without being cheesy. Be loving and caring but without being a doormat. Be assertive and decisive but also respectful of her thoughts and feeling. Know how to hold your liquor and know your limits, call it quits before you get sloppy. There is no master key to all women, what works with one may never work on any other. The most sincere advice I can give to anyone looking for a significant other, just be your true self, someone will love you. If you feel you want to improve yourself then do it but do it for you not for anyone else.
Thanks, Moon Goddess for your time and responses! If I may ask - you said your longest time without sex happened recently and lasted about 5 months. And you mentioned your husband. Are you no longer together, or is there a medical issue? If you had MFM and DP fantasies - from all I've read and heard over the years - you're 100% NORMAL!! I'm happy to hear when women open up about such things. It makes us guys feel like we're WANTED sexually by sexually hungry ladies!! Like we're not always a pain in the ass. That's a tremendously HOT thing for any lady to admit!!! TRUST ME on this, when you ladies make us guys feel wanted and desired sexually ………….. you become extremely special to us. We feel accepted, and you ladies seem much sexier and hotter to us. I mean that as an extreme compliment!! As to the ladies looking for a side piece - you said that idea has always been there for women. Well ……….. that's a comforting thought!! The worst thing from a guy's standpoint is when his lady seems to have become indifferent to sex, like it's no longer interesting to her. To a guy - that's like a death - the death of his love life, and the loss of a deep connection to his lady. It's a feeling of terrible loss to any guy, and it's not just the physical release part - it's the emotional bonding side of it as well. If women are thinking about & fantasizing about other guys, I think for many men, it's a sign that she's still "raring to go" and has a healthy need for sexual pleasuring. More and more men admit that if their lady is open to "side fun" - they feel comfortable that their sexual chemistry and bonding are still intact. (She isn't sexually "dead" - which is a welcome sign - even if her sexuality may need a "friend with benefits" beside her husband). Ladies who aren't ashamed to admit they want/need another guy to satisfy them aren't facing the shaming and name-calling they once would have been. I've read LOADS & LOADS of relationship material over the past 20 years, and when such ladies let their closest girlfriends know they have a boyfriend on the side …… a good number of those girlfriends are jealous and supportive!! They aren't condemning as in years past. And as you said, in some instances if the husbands don't want to go along with it & support their wives - they may not have a wife anymore. But again as you said, these days more & more husbands are open to their wives being with other men and support them. Some get turned on by it, and other husbands really want their wives to "get a break" from house, kids, job. etc., and have a little romantic fun. I'm amazed by the percentage of husbands whose wives have a boyfriend "on the side" and say their wives have never been happier, and their marriages have never been stronger. They claim their marriages are happier, and they are closer as a couple than ever before!! As for the ladies not being "slut-shamed" like they were before - It's about time!!! Men (and I am one!) for centuries have been able to get away with bedding multiple women and society looked on them as studs, but women who "got some" were sluts, whores, etc. Ladies are human too, and subject to the same needs and desires as men. I'm glad society is easing up on the ladies in that regard. Not totally fair yet - but improving. I agree 100% with your "lady in the streets, a freak in the sheets" target for us men, and I see where you ladies would want the same in a guy. Not one thing wrong with that!!! I try my best to be that myself. I understand your hormone references with how ladies' tastes shift quickly. Nature. It's hard for us guys to know what frame of mind you girls are in!! But we do try. Maybe if we heard a simple, "I don't want to make love - I need to be fucked!" kind of statement, we could shift gears quickly and throw you down on the bed?? (BTW - I use the term ladies, not as in "old ladies" - but as in respect for all you beautiful women who make us guys go a bit weak in the knees! Respect as in - if you ladies love men and sex - it does NOT make you sluts & whores. You are still ladies in every way. Respect as in - you give us our kids!) Where would us guys be without you girls??? L-O-S-T. Again - I very much appreciate your input MoonGoddess!!! I hope more ladies will follow your lead and contribute here. I'm sure many other guys appreciate your input as well.
"Are you no longer together, or is there a medical issue?" We are still together but I had been going through a pretty bad depression for over a year and had withdrawn for a long time. Immediately before the 5 months of no sex we had another period of no sex that had lasted 4 months broken with one day when we did it twice but then no more until recently. There had been other times during our nearly 20 year marriage that we wouldn't have sex for a while but never more than a month. Sometimes we would do it much more or a bit less but on average we did it about once a week. We probably would have done it a lot more but he would never initiate sex, which has always been an issue and one that we have spoken about a lot. While sometimes he tries to be more bold, he just isn't all that confident. He has no problem once I give him the green light but unless he is absolutely sure that I am in the mood he won't try to start anything. It can be pretty frustrating for me because sometimes I just want him to take charge. "As to the ladies looking for a side piece - you said that idea has always been there for women." Just for the record, I didn't mean that all women want something on the side, just that there is really nothing new in the realm of sexual proclivities. All the wants and desires of the modern world have been there since ancient times, we're just not used to talking about them in modern society but it is becoming less and less taboo. The last few thousand years have seen a huge increase in the sexual repression of women, mostly because of religious teachings. It became a male dominated world and women were stripped of their rights, individuality and their sexuality as far as "polite society" was concerned. Obviously there have always been exceptions, such as men who actually care about what their wives think and about her pleasure but in a world where "the man" was supposed to have absolute control of his household, so many men really didn't (and some still don't) care about their wives wants or needs. They would take what they wanted and be done, leaving the wife with a less than satisfying experience and then that woman would be giving marital advice to her daughters who would be going into it thinking the worst already. It's a perpetuating cycle that was made even worse by chauvinistic societies and misogynistic religious teaching that would tell women that they were inherently evil or the source of all sin. Now, while on the one hand we are still dealing with changing all that, we are also seeing a new problem arise, men who are too overly concerned about how they treat women that they are too afraid to do anything. This isn't really the guys fault, it is society at large that has made it so that you're damed if you do, and damed if you don't. How the hell are all the sexually repressed females going to find out that sex can be great if men are too afraid to show them?
First - I can empathize with your depression / withdrawal. I went through a period of over 6 1/2 years of no sexual interest from my wife, and ZERO sexual activity. ZERO. I had always been the one to initiate, bring up the subject, hint at sex …….. but she never took any interest or initiated on her own. We guys like to feel wanted & desired too, and not like a chore or a pain in the ass. After MY seeking professional counseling with several counselors just to try to keep my sanity, I learned I was living as an "incel." That's counselor-speak for involuntary celibate. A celibate not by my own choice, but having it thrust on me. I had panic attacks, and was diagnosed with "generalized anxiety disorder." (G.A.D.) I felt completely alone and an outcast in my marriage and in my own home. I KNOW mental and physical PAIN. I hope your are better now, MoonGoddess!! My situation is the opposite of yours in this way - you wish your husband would be more bold and initiate sex. I wish my WIFE would be more bold and show interest in ME for a change. I can remember only 5 or 6 times in our 30+ year marriage when she initiated sex on her own. That makes me feel like a chore & something to be avoided. Example: If a woman has to remind, and coax, and hint, and make statements, and remind, and hint over and over that she'd love to get flowers from her husband, ……….. when he finally breaks down and buys her some flowers ……………… does she feel his intention is real & genuine - or does she think, "Well, I finally got to him, he bought me flowers so I'd stop reminding him and let him alone." ??? That's how I've felt for years. A chore. A yappy dog who needs a yummy treat so I let her alone about sex. A real warm, fuzzy way to feel, huh??? I am VERY HESITANT to suggest or start anything with my wife to this day because she just does NOT show interest in sex - so I steer clear. Just as you wish your husband would "take charge" sometimes, I wish my wife would show interest and initiate sometimes too. Interestingly, that's one of the major wishes / complaints on a majority of men's "wish lists" concerning their wives / girlfriends. They wish the lady would initiate sex more often. I've read TONS of relationship material over many years because of my situation described in the first paragraph. So I've learned a LOT about women's and men's wants, needs, feelings, fantasies, etc. I didn't take you to mean ALL women want some "on the side." I'm surprised by the number of ladies looking for and advertising in many forms of media for boyfriends or "friends with benefits." I'm sure there are many ladies who aren't going to actively seek "side sex", but I'm pretty sure there are a lot of ladies that would like to indulge if safety and secrecy from relatives and friends could be assured. They may not actively advertise & try to "hook-up" with another guy, but I wonder how many ladies would love the idea. Most counselors say that, to some degree, we all get a bit bored with the "sameness" of sex with the same person over time, that the sex gets to be "routine", lacking in variety & "spice." I can certainly understand why some ladies would want to "spice-up" their sex lives and add variety, especially if their husbands were OK and onboard with it. Maybe attitudes are changing a bit when it comes to ladies having more freedom in today's world. I know if I found out and KNEW a lady friend of mine had a boyfriend on the side - and her husband was OK with that - I would NOT think less of her. I'd probably be happy for her that she and her husband came to an agreement that made her happy, and her husband too. I'm sure I'd ask her if she was enjoying herself with her boyfriend and how all of this arrangement has affected her marriage to her husband. Hopefully they'd be as strong or even stronger because of their arrangement. I just can't see calling ladies names and /or shunning them because they now feel more comfortable doing what men have done for centuries. In my opinion ………… ladies have every right to enjoy sex as much as men can. A lady isn't less of a human being or somehow "dirty" because she loves sex. She's every bit still a lady. I'm surprised at how many married couples report that they are HAPPIER since the wife found a boyfriend. The wives are certainly much happier - even the ones who were hesitant and unsure about whether or not to actually go through with it. They say they feel more confident and sexually desirable to someone other than their husbands. Some say they feel "awakened and alive" again. And the husbands report that they LOVE the fact that their wives are much happier overall, that the stress levels have dropped in their marriage, - and their marital sex lives have sparked back to levels like when they were dating. I find it amazing that many husbands say they wouldn't want to go back to their wives having no boyfriend !!! I agree 100% with your last points above. With the "Me Too" movement, most guys are really gun-shy about saying, hinting, flirting, making contact, or anything else that may be taken for sexual assault or harassment. Guys don't want to lose everything they've worked for & maybe end up in jail. Some women are looking to make a fast buck by accusing men at times - and that ruins it for everyone - men and women both. I love to flirt, make suggestive comments, say something with sexual innuendo in it, - in FUN ways and not be slimy or scary about it. I love it when laughing is involved, so the sexual innuendo & comments spark laughter & smiles. That back & forth sexual tension is lost today because of fear of lawsuits. I used to be able to get girls laughing, or at least smiling, by things I said or expressions on my face. I'd be afraid to say or do those things today. And what I did & said was harmless and NOT threatening - more for laughter, which seemed to attract the girls. Like you said - damned if you do ……. damned if you don't situation. If a guy risks saying or suggesting something, he may be looking at the police. And if he doesn't make some kind of move, the lady thinks he's not interested or he's a wussy kind of guy. Can't win these days. Thank-you again, MoonGoddess, for your insights and opinions. Very, very much appreciated!! If you have more to contribute ...…. fire away!! Best wishes to you and your husband.
Any other ladies beside MoonGoddess? Any sexual topics, - fantasies, opinions, insights, shared lessons, questions?
What I am talking about started way before the me too movement. While I understand what you are saying about "fun" flirting, I think a lot of guys get in trouble for sexual harassment because they think it is all in fun but the recipient of such behavior doesn't feel the same. Some men either don't care or are unable to pick up on cues from their audience that the comments they are making are not welcome. "we are also seeing a new problem arise, men who are too overly concerned about how they treat women that they are too afraid to do anything." Don't get me wrong, they should think about how they treat women but not be crippled by it. I have seen many men unable to approach women either because of the fear of repercussion, rejection or just the fear of a strong woman. I think everything needs balance, it shouldn't be all one way or the other, just because women are now being recognized as strong, capable and powerful doesn't mean men should be weak and docile. If you don't mind me asking, you mentioned going to a counselor but have you talked directly with your wife about the sex issue?
MoonGoddess - I've tried to speak to my wife directly so many times about our sexual situation over the past 23 - 24 years I can't even begin to imagine the number. Over 100 easily ..... maybe closer to 200 time. I've spoken to 7 counselors over that time on numerous occasions and they all said what you did ……… talk it out. I can - and do - talk easily and comfortably about sexual things. My wife WILL NOT TALK openly about sex. Even the counselors - she talked to 2 ………. after I pressured her to go - said she was very "locked up." She herself admits she's a closed book - her words. I've bought relationship / sex-help books, books on female fantasies, male fantasies, sexual myths, copies of the Penthouse Forum stories compiled into large volumes, saved online "ted talks" by noted and well-published sex & relationship professional counselors, and written her HUNDREDS of notes / letters for her to read at her leisure so she wouldn't sense & be exposed to my anxiety and frustration. Several counselors told me that's actually one of their methods they advise couples to use. All to no avail. She doesn't read the books or take the advice of counselors. She read my notes / letters, but doesn't use any of the thoughts or ideas in them. I've told her, that for years I've felt like a chore to her - and the last chore at the bottom of her list at that. She's had energy and initiative for the kids and other people, but not for me / us. We've been married for over 30 years, and for 23 of those years I've felt like just a roommate, a live-in handyman / boogeyman protection, and a paycheck with shoes on. I don't smoke, use any drugs - never even tried any (!) - and only drink very rarely, lightly even then. I haven't hit her or the kids. beside my career in big construction, I cook, do dishes, laundry, I've ALWAYS helped with the kids and coached their sports teams, taught them to hunt & fish, etc. And I'm an extremely romantic guy. Fire in the fireplace, candles, wine, champagne, soft music, numerous massages, flowers for no specific reason, romantic notes and cards, etc. I've never forgotten an anniversary or birthday either. Financially we're pretty secure as well. Don't know what else I can do. Before the 6 1/2+ years of ZERO sex, we were down to once or twice a year for probably 5 or 6 years. I know because I kept track on a calendar with tiny, obscure marks. That's how the counselors identified me as an "incel." And before you wonder if I know where "things" are ……………. YES ……….. I know where all the female parts are and how to arouse them. I've bought several styles of vibrators for her including the famous "Hitachi Magic Wand." The vibrators DO NOT intimidate me - I know many women need extra stimulation to get off. I'm only too happy to orally pleasure her and mix in vibes for variety too. What else can I do ?????
If you take sex out of the equation, how is the rest of your relationship? Does she put as much into it as you do? How does she respond to the romantic things you do? How old are the kids? Does she work outside the home too? Also, when you first got together what was the sex like? Sorry about all the questions but in order to give any sort of constructive insight, I would need to know more about her.
^^^^^^ - The rest of our relationship is GREAT!! We tease each other and pull little pranks for fun. We laugh all the time. We both laugh easily. I do most of the cooking & dishes. ( I'm a good cook, too! ) She works for a very large financial institution on their campus - but now works from home because of corona virus. My career is in big construction. Kids are both college grads and out. Her responses to my romantic advances are spotty - she's hard to read at times. She doesn't initiate sex, she's pretty shy and backward about that. She says she doesn't know what to say or do without looking stupid. She told me she never had close girlfriends to talk to about sexual things to share info and gain knowledge. No swapping of stories. She has no sisters - only 1 brother. He and his friends used to make fun of her for having smaller boobs. ( she is NOT flat - a B-cup and I love them!! ) We are both immaculately clean and well-groomed. Extremely clean!! When we first got together, the sex was great. She always seemed willing and "into it." After our last child, sex went downhill. She had a procedure done for uterine fibroids and so future pregnancies were not a fear factor. It just seems that she lost interest in me. We are both in pretty good shape - she's about 5 ft. 5 inches and 130 lbs. I'm 5 ft. 9 inches and 178 lbs. Of the two of us I'M the romantic one. ( if you want a list of some of the many romantic things I've done for her over the years, just ask. I can fill a page with things! ) I can talk about anything ………….. ANYTHING ...............very easily - she's locked up about sex. She talks about every other thing - but not sex. I've had more open, informative sexual discussions with girls I dated years ago for only a month or two than with my wife. She admits she's a closed book when it comes to sex. Professional counselors couldn't get her to open up. They - and I - have asked her if she was molested when she was younger. She said no, she wasn't. Doctors have done blood / hormone testing - all normal levels. No apparent physical reasons for lack of interest. She is VERY good when it comes to the mechanics of sex. She is very skilled and proficient. She says she really enjoys the ways I pleasure her and I can make her orgasm 4 to 7 times when we play. I orally pleasure her for usually between 1 and 2 hours and during that time I also use several vibrators to add variety while I'm happily licking away. She shows the physical signs of having orgasms - vaginal contractions, squirting, panting, moaning, nipples erect. But unless I bring up the subject of sexual playing - you'd never know she was alive. She shows NO outward interest - she doesn't mention or even hint that she's interested, in the mood, or horny. No romantic moves, flirts, whispers ……………….. nothing. She DOES NOT know how to be seductive!!! You probably think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. I don't need a world-class sleaze-bag trash-talker ………… in fact I don't like gutter-mouth ladies. But even high school girls have some game when it comes to being seductive and showing their guys they WANT them. Not so here. ( And I'm not trying to sound mean & nasty about it - but I AM being factual & truthful with you ! ) One would THINK, that if I'm getting her off so many times in a session, and she says she really enjoys what I'm doing to her - she'd at least show signs of having some interest in doing those things more often. 5 or 6 times a year is a bit thin, wouldn't you say???????? And only if I bring it up, coax a bit, drop a million hints, etc. I'd kill for a willing, horny, seductive, "wanting it" woman. I love her to pieces, but my wife just seems dead sexually. Despite me getting her off several times per session, I think she'd be fine with NEVER having sex again. She shows me as much interest in sex as I have in walking a high wire across the Grand Canyon. I wish to God she'd be able to sit in a group of other women of varying ages without knowing who they are or anything about them …………………… just to share sexual stories and info "girlfriend-to girlfriend." She never had that sort of "war stories" sharing like some women do, to share sexual ideas, tactics, seduction techniques, & info with their close girlfriends or sisters. I think she'd gain confidence and realize she's not alone in her fears, worries about self-image, worries about being sexy & desirable for the husbands, etc. You know what I mean???
When I wasn't interested in having sex, all the romantic things that my husband did for me always made me feel pressured to have sex, which made me want to even less. Even when he would tell me that he wasn't doing it to get laid, it would still feel that way to me. I know you said that her hormone levels where fine but they can fluctuate often. A lot of women have hormone changes during and after pregnancy and they don't always spring back to pre-pregnancy levels. Each pregnancy is different, so what happened with the first is not always what happens with the second. She also could have had postpartum depression without realizing it and that could last for years. The surgery for fibroids, since you said, "future pregnancies were not a fear factor," I assume you mean she had a hysterectomy. While I have no direct experience with it, I have heard that a lot of women have sexual problems after having had surgery to their reproductive organs. Sometimes it is due to the doctor cutting nerves during the surgery so the feelings she once had are gone and sometimes it is due to the hormones that have changed, ovaries protect and release eggs but they also secrete hormones so if they were removed it could really reek havoc on her libido. The female body being unable to reproduce may see no reason to (or is unable to) prepare for sex by releasing the appropriate hormones at the correct time. I assume she never had her hormone levels tested at a time when she was being sexually stimulated to see if there was a correlated hormonal response. My experiences with many doctors have taught me that most (not all) doctors do not know much about how the body actually works, they look for symptoms and prescribe medicine and not much else. Considering that you said, "When we first got together, the sex was great. She always seemed willing and "into it."" it doesn't seem that she is sexually repressed or has any hang-ups about sex. She seems to just not have the urge to have sex anymore. She probably doesn't want to talk about it because she feels pressured, it could be upsetting for her or she is embarrassed or confused by it. If she doesn't know why she feels the way she does, how can she possibly explain it to you. If she has no desire to have sex then she would have no reason to try to be seductive. I know it may seem counter to your objective but my advice would be to roll back a lot of the sexual overtures so she will feel less pressured and possibly more willing.
MoonGoddess - Thank-you for responding!! Regarding her female surgery - her OB/GYN is a woman who happens to be a top OB/GYN at a highly regarded practice. She did the surgery and her ovaries are intact for the stated reason that it's better for the woman's overall health to keep them as long as they are healthy - which they were / are. So her hormone levels were tested & reported normal - though NOT after I stimulated her. I think her OB/GYN Dr. can cause the stimulation in the office - though I'm not certain. As for sexual repression - when we first got together, we had more sex, but she didn't initiate it. She also had / has no concept of seduction or seductive talk / actions. She said she didn't really do anything sexual before we got together - and I believe it. She's always been very timid and backward - unsure of herself and what to say & do. This is an over-simplification, and not meant to be cruel at all, but - imagine if your husband / guy asked you to re-wire the house electrically. You might know what a light switch is, and a receptacle outlet, and maybe what the circuit breaker panel is. But could you tie them all together in various circuits and make the system work correctly? Or would you stumble, question yourself, hesitate, become intimidated, maybe panic a bit, delay doing anything, etc.?? THAT'S my wife when it comes to initiating or letting me know she's interested sexually. My wife knows the parts & pieces, sexually, and how to make them go crazy - but she doesn't show interest or know how to be seductive - flirty - coy - a tease - to get things started and let me know she's interested. It's always a guessing game to me. If I initiate and take the reigns - she seems to enjoy that, and I can make her have multiple orgasms. But it would sure be nice to see sexual interest from my wife for a change. Maybe I wouldn't feel like a chore to her then. Would ANY woman feel good if she had to always BUY HER OWN flowers??? Remember her own birthday and buy her own gift?? No man wants to be the only one who shows sexual interest either!!! Both men and women want to FEEL WANTED by the other one. When either doesn't show any interest or make any effort toward the other - the relationship lacks something VERY IMPORTANT. In the same way any woman would feel slighted and forgotten if her husband never thought to get her flowers, or remember her birthday or their anniversary - so she had to get her own flowers, cards, and gifts - men also feel slighted and forgotten when they see no interest sexually from their wives. If you have to be the one to come up with an idea for the party, make all the plans for the party, gather all the things for the party, bring everything to the party, and BE the whole party - how is that fun for the person stuck doing all the work?? Where is the often mentioned 50/50 in such a relationship?? This has been going on for YEARS - not a few months or even a few years. It's been MANY years. Would ANY woman be happy if their husband / boyfriend never showed any interest in her sexually??? And she had to constantly remind him that...……. "Hey - I'm right over here. It's been a while." or "Why aren't you chasing me around lately?" or "Have you forgotten me?" or "Hey - I need you tonight." What would she think & feel after YEARS of that???? This may sound angry - but I'm not angry. FRUSTRATED is the correct term. I love my wife to pieces, but I'm getting nowhere but older.
