Hey there. =] So, recently I have started identifying myself as gay (lesbian more specifically) and feel very content with that. But my brain still goes back to guys. The thing is though.. I know I'll NEVER be able to be in a relationship with a guy. I'm not sexually attracted to them. I can't handle the behaviors and the mentality of a male. Though, I catch myself thinking romantically about males. I keep thinking that maybe its just habit of my previous "bisexual" label. Or that, in my case, finding a male to be in a relationship with is easier than females. I am a bit of a recluse "fem" female, so its not easy to find a girl to be with. It upsets me when my brain travels in the direction of a man. I about cried at work yesterday because of it. If it upsets me so, why does my brain feel the need to do this?!
Well, first of all: Why can't you love a man? If you're gay, that's fine and good, but this is bothering you a lot. Are you SURE about your sexuality? It's okay if you're not. Yes, it is easier to find straight males then gay females, but don't let that become a factor as to what sex you find yourself most comfortable with. What I would suggest: - Don't classify yourself as gay if you're uncertain. Not all males are the same and shouldn't be classified by the few behaviors and mentalities that you've been exposed to. -Never say never. - Are you upset because it's going to be a struggle to find someone who suits you? If you believe so, what can you do to change that? Why do you have the preferences of a partner that you do? Having a lot of people in your life allows you to better understand what you want in a partner. I can empathize because I am also very much a recluse, but I know having people around me is important, so I put myself out there. If you're thinking about men, consider this: maybe you do have the ability to love a man, but you just haven't met the right man.
I find men to be disgusting. I cant see them as attractive. I cant even fathom lasting in a relationship with a male. Its hard for me to think of a descriptive reply because I cant find any reason to even consider males again. I simply just dont see them in my future love life.
I don't understand how it's possible to romantically fantasize about men when you can't handle the "behaviors and mentality of males" (whatever the hell that means), and are not sexually attracted to them and even find them disgusting.
Like I said previously.. "I keep thinking that maybe its just habit of my previous "bisexual" label. Or that, in my case, finding a male to be in a relationship with is easier than females. I am a bit of a recluse "fem" female, so its not easy to find a girl to be with."
Fantasizing is quite personal, and fantasies are a distilled form of personal truths about ourselves. I can't imagine that your fantasies are dictated by something as utilitarian as the ease with which one finds a partner, or something as superficial as a label. I think those are made up excuses you are using to explain something you aren't entirely comfortable with.
perhaps it's your upbringing. like your brain has created a pathway that when you think of love and happiness your brain associates it with a long term relationship (marriage) with a male. you have to destroy that pathway. if you truly believe that you are a lesbian and that you do not want males, you need to replace that happy love pathway with the image of a life with a woman. it may take a very long time to do this.
I'm not judging you, I'm attempting to answer your original question and possibly help explain some of your behaviors. But if you are having a negative reaction to my posts I'll stay out of it. Good luck.
I understand where you are coming from. Im 26 and recently came out. I was married to a man for 7 years. I think the way we were brought up has a lot to do with the way we think. Society grooms us to be straight and are taught that the right thing to do is to find a nice man and get married...... blah blah blah. So personally for me I spent so long trying to be straight and aiming for men's attention that sometimes it comes naturally and shits me to tears ( and my gf). So I understand where you are coming from
Gay male here, at each stage of my life so far pretty much all my friends have been female, could never relate to most guys, actually kind of hate 95% of them, many of the straight guys are idiots, yes I too cant stand the behaviours or mentality. Cant really mix with too many other gay males especially if I have a partner at the time (depending on the partner of course) the same kind of jealousy rules apply as everyone else. So I see your situation as the way it should be, and that perhaps you've just get it in your head from everyone assumptions as to what a lesbian should be, sometimes from fellow lesbians. I'm the way I am, I've known plenty of gay guys like me that prefer female friends, but I've also known many gay guys that dont have anything to do with the female half of the population. Gay is not the one thing. Homosexual doesnt mean it has to be girls only for everything in life And even when you say thinking romantically about males, is that in a peer way, or is it that nurturing side of you, or is it a strong feminine quality in them confusing you. There is something to what the others have said about social conditioning, have a read up on gender non-conformity, I find with both gays and lesbians, those that 'show' early in early childhood, and thus get treated more like the opposite sex do tend to be the ones are lifers, identify early with sexuality and thus go through puberty with everyone identifying them as homosexual even if they havent 'come out' The trippy part is there is also the other end of the spectrum, besides the effeminate male or masculine female, there are the hyper masculine male and hyper feminine female, they also are likley to grow up homosexual, but its something the rest of the population is blinded too. They also get treated differently to the norm when younger, the hyper masculine males become the spare dads when no adults are around, hyper feminine females the spare mums. You sound to me like that last category, trained from very early on to nurture / mother all males rather than see them as peers
