Why Is Dating So Hard?

I swear, I don't have any luck. I've met a lot of women through normal day to day interaction, and as a result I have a lot of female friends, some of whom I am close to. Some of them, I've developed feelings for. Anytime I've breached the topic of me liking them more than just friends with them, they tell me the same thing; I'm a great guy but they don't feel the same way.

When I ask girls out by asking for phone numbers, they either don't realize I'm asking them out and I get friend zoned really quickly, or they know what it's about and never respond.

I've done online dating too. I rarely get responses. I did have one girlfriend, and I met her online. And I've had a lot of first meetings, but rarely did anything ever materialize.

I am not all that attractive, and I'm a little on the chubby side, so I guess I just don't have much to work with? But I see worse off guys than me with girls more attractive than they have a right to have. What gives?

I do get interest from women, and some flirtation, but it's always a girl I'm not into at all. Furthermore, I've had women tell me that I'm attractive and charming, but I don't believe it at all, or I'd have more luck wouldn't I?

Rant over.

 

because it ritualizes and formalizes what in completely unnatural to do so.

 

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

 

Fat cock fat wallet. Power is also seductive. And faint heart never won fair lady.

 

I really can't see what's so great about being in a relationship. I mean, I love my girlfriend, but if I was to ever split up with her, I couldn't see myself actively looking for another relationship anytime soon after. I cherish my independence too much.

 

Dating is hard because of: expectations of either side. Confidence in yourself and the situation at hand. Knowing what you want and having a date who also knows what she wants (yeah sounds obvious but in reality dates fail because of this)

Well for starters: this part ^ is not about dating. This approach is not impossible though but yeah it depends on the details. But most importantly if you fail to get a date with any your female friends I wouldn't conclude you have bad luck in the dating department. You were going at it the wrong way. Namely asking your friends on a date.

I guess its fair to point out this is the case some of the time. Definitely wouldn't put it as the general rule though. It's often the complete picture why a guy that can be considered less actractive than you or me is in a good relationship with an attractive woman. To put it as if it is only the money (or a big dick) seems like you either look down on women as a whole or an acceptable excuse of why uglier people have nicer partners than you. Not saying there aren't golddiggers of course. Those are out there too.

Well, I would say it is obviously not about being in any relationship It depends on the relationship. Not every relationship is an attack on your independece Also, not every guy may value his complete independence above being in a relationship with the woman he loves (not talking about the extreme opposite here of course )

 

To asmo: Why is it that so many women talk about "friends first" dating? I hear it from so many of them, including the ones who are just my friends who said I was a great guy. It is a myth?

 

I'd rather have friends, than a boyfriend!
I too cherish my independence too much!
Guys I've dated, for some reason, want to take over me!
Want to start saying what I should, or shouldn't do, because that's acceptable to them. When I'm a person too! And I got this far without you!

 

They may believe it is so. I don't know. I expect if a woman says I want to be friends first it is not all bullshit. But I'm sure it doesn't mean befriending a woman first and then try to become her boyfriend is a good way in many instances. Certainly not if you act like it comes out of the blue when it secretly didn't

Just like the romanced relationship in certain movies is not a myth just because it is rare, it is also not a myth that some people can go from friends to lovers. I just wouldn't put all my cards on it if I were you.

 

That stinks. I wouldn't do that with my GF. Actually, my first GF was pretty busy and had her own life entirely. We just met up a couple of times a week to share our lives and have fun. It was great...I wish I still had her in my life. She is not even in the same state I am though anymore. I'm insanely busy myself and I couldn't have a women attached to my hip all the time.

 

Well I'm not putting my cards in that. So far, my experience is that my women friends could never date me. It's the friend zone alright!

 

I don't buy into the friend zone principle by default. But yes, I think it is a pragmatic outlook if you wanna date succesfully on the short term, and it's already likely none of your female friends have that romantic 'click' with you.

 

It is kind of funny that you need your liver to become your friend without being your friend before reaching the friend zone. I think in the female mind, friend zone is adding another sibbling. I tried to date a few friends in the friend zone and it was horribly awkward.

 

Its not like the friend zone is something made up by women to be mean lol, and it isnt some hellish place you can avoid if you do x or y

The friend zone is just another way of saying someone isnt attracted to you. Attraction isnt a conscience decision, it is a spontaneous chemical reaction

And the whole friends first thing is just a way of avoiding the headiness of initial attraction that can cause people to date total idiots and not realize it until later. Better to be friends first and see if someone is an idiot before dating them. But being friends first still only works if there is attraction there on both sides, otherwise you're still just friends

 

That actually makes a lot of sense, but is more depressing...because none of my female friends have ever found my attractive, despite me always finding them attractive.

 

Dating? I've tried it sometimes with both sexes and I was always wondering the same thing....why is it so hard ?
Perhaps it's just me enjoying being free & selfish, idk. But the truth is, that I've always enjoyed spending time by myself.
So, it has something to do with inner character as well, it's in one's nature in a way I suppose.
I'm not too ugly and fat, so I probably could get a date if I wanted, but that's just the way it is...I don't care. So, perhaps there are lots of people these
days with that kind of values...being single is easy and accepted. That makes dating quite hard, don't you think!

 

Dude, you’ve got to chill out and just let it happen. Rarely do I seek out women they seek me out.

One super cool example from my early 20s.; I’m at the beach and this smoking hot brunette comes up to me and tells me she has a car, trailer, and a small boat, but doesn’t have the money to buy gas for the car and would I like to go sailing? ………..duh ya think? Ha, ha,…

Also, women seem to be attracted by guys in uniform. I found that out when i was in the military, so you might consider enlisting


Hotwater

 

And as you said, women have been attracted to you but you werent attracted to them. it happens.

Mutual attraction will happen one day, dont sweat it. like the poster above kinda touched on, sometimes it happens easier and faster if you put less effort into it.

 

Also i think attraction is different for men and women. Women are just pickier, it seems like men always find more woman attractive than women find men attractive. Like how you've been attracted to all your female friends, that seems weird to me as a female but seems pretty normal for guys. It is actually pretty rare that I find a guy attractive, I find a lot of men objectionably handsome but to actually be attracted to them in a sexual way? Doesnt happen that often. So you're already at a disadvantage just being a guy

 

well that one's just the nature of online dating. girls get 8000 messages a day, nobody has time to respond to most of them.