Why does a woman waste her time,

No, we get what he's talking about.
What is being said here in response is mostly based on the myriad of other posts by OP that shows that the problem is clearly him and not just societal norms of picking up.

 

exaggerations. speculations, you weren't even there and you're speculating more than me? that's rich. ROLLINGALONG specially, you are one sad dude. stop holding grudges @ me.

lively and amsto - i don't doubt any of that. I'm sure it's expectations on both ends actually. Point was for the avg shy person proximity stalking is a joke.

back to operating in the norm, though.

I think i'm just more upset It did not flourish it into a conversation, and "the norm" imo gives me very little options as a man. & The best advice I'll get here is just suck it up and cold approach a girl if I'm interested in her. -- and I think that's my personal beef no matter how much I go out.

 

Yeah, I also wonder who you think misonderstood him? I think most know what he means by now. We just get kind of enough of it to take it seriously in every thread.

edit: I also thought rollingalong made the weirdest assumptions about him in this thread so if Writer ment him I can see why he typed that

 

When I go places, there usually are about 4 or more men I have my eye on. A lot of times, those I most prefer the most won't approach me. Given the lack of across-the-room-connection, I don't press my luck. If there is one that gives some kind of sign, I'll make eye contact, and smile. After that, it's THEIR TURN. Kok, do you make sure you take a turn?

 

I agree.

 

What is "A turn?" everyone is different.

Everyone has VERY different social boundaries and norms.

Because a girl smiles and makes contact towards me, am I going to go approach her?

no...

(I comfortably make eye contact with people around me anyways.. so there's no way I can tell if she's just looking back, happen to be there, is doing the same, or wants me to TAKE A TURN).


This is why I think the whole cross-gender pick up non-verbal game is wholly assumptuous and at times retarded.


The person that inspired this thread,
I DID actually approach her briefly @ the bar and we talked. There was light touching from both of us.


After that it was coy, get in my vision land. I was surprised I even cold approached before, as it's not my thing, but I just couldn't will myself to do it again. It's not very motivating... for me.


1. Being a little open-heart shy boy, I think I DO have to make sure I "take a turn," only to let the other chic know that despite my huge frustrations with how genders communicate (or don't communicate imo), I am a MAN and I DO find you sexually attractive and would like for you to as well talk to me.

2. Btw I don't think some girls even realize some guys thought it rude to stare at a girl [he's never meet] only because he finds her attractive. Getting in his line of vision to see how he reacts (and then likely still waiting for him to approach) is just a dumb tactic that imo will only work on 20% of men.

 

All of your threads are the same, it has gotten really old.

'Poor me, women won't fuck me and therefore all women are boring and stupid and it is completely not my fault'

Blah blah blah. Grow the fuck up and stop being a whiny little shit. Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe the reason no women approach you isn't because they expect you to approach them, but maybe because they aren't interested in you?

 

did I not just tell you a woman approached me that same night?

maybe forget if I'm big pimp balling or not, and let's focus on the issue.

which, is real and not fabricated.

 

Well, I can assure some girls do realize that. Although, it is hard to 'realize' for them for sure of course when they do not know you. But hey, you could use that in an opening conversation perhaps, as a question. If a conversation has started. I can imagine some would find it an interesting topic and as always communication is the key so at least you get some in person feedback on your thoughts in stead of forum feedback.

 

See, I find that annoying too. If connection has been established, then subtle can be over, and direct can start.

 

You are saying this as if verbal communication was fool proof and impossible to misunderstand.

Non-verbal communication is completely legit and often more honest than verbal communication.

Just because you don't understand something it doesn't mean that it's retarded.

I would guess that you don't use much non-verbal communication, which is why it makes you uncomfortable and consequently frustrated when other people do.

 

While I appreciate your outlook Lively....personally I can't do the non-verbal. There's too much room for misinterpretation.

 

The basics (I like you, I don't like you, I'm interested, I'm not) are not that easy to misinterpret in non-verbal.

 

I prefer non-verbal communication myself. If a guy flirts with me, I might get nervous or uncomfortable and kinda clam up a little. But if he just looks at me, smiles with his eyes, presses his knee against mine, stuff like that, gentle, quiet, discreet; it's easier for me to relax and respond non-verbally.

 

Direct doesn't automatically mean verbal. The main nonverbal direct ways is being physically affectionate, I agree. But subtle often means non-verbal, and can easily be mistaken for fake indifference or some other distasteful game.

 

I use LOTS. LOTS. This is what gets me noticed in the first place.

And I notice a lot of the "non verbal communication" is "I'm going to stalk your shit till you find me beautiful"-- with an extra helping of gender expectations.


I likely could have had more conversations with said girl, but it boned on the expectation that I initiate (& continue to) conversations with stranger girls, and she "non-verbally" finds her way to be the attraction-of-a-man.


I hate this with a passion. I haven't found (m)any optimistic solutions to it.


* I'll assume I have to GIVE more turns or whatever, because a lot of individual girls aren't as direct and verbal communication toned as I.


For what it's worth I have many deep, personal and enriching conversations every weekend -- WITH MEN/groups. This is because woman is taken out of the equation. It really is.

Y'all too passive
Y'all expect too much
You think I'm programmed to always-hit-up-bitches.


Couldn't be so much farther from the truth, and lively girl, I'd challenge you to say this is the actual reality for most men.

and only out of necessity, they pimp or try to.


You know why that guy didn't approach you? Because it wasn't love at first site? Well, that's kind of a silly thing to expect.

disclaimer: If I'm not talking about you, then I'm not talking about you. Though if you were really honest I probably might be.

 

Sometimes there's more too the picture than i like you / i don't like you sometimes its "you are good looking but i am not single", or "you are very cute but i see you are friends with so and so . . " or "i'm not the least bit interested in you but i see you work for a company i want to join" lol. imagination's the limit. non-verbal breaks down past simple binary statements of yes/no. and even yes/no shit gets messed up by people who are just flirt machines or very naturally cold.

^ This is the fundamental annoyance here. Gosh, I really want this man, but he needs to be the one to pick me up, not the other way around. That would be weird. (Whats the hidden assumptions here? Fear of being a "slut"? Fear of rejection? WELCOME TO THE LIVES OF MEN LOL.)

It's just very annoying and insulting when a girl full of these misconceptions gets it in her mind that she's going to be the girl you go home with tonight . . . but she won't even say "hello". instead its energy spend on sadly transparent games that she read out of a Cosmo magazine or saw on Sex and the City or some shit. Probably her bff told her thats how to get a good guy.

and yeah i used to spend my energy trying hard to not play the stupid game now i'm better at ignoring it. it's still really hard for someone like me who seems to sway between insensitive to human nuances (social anxiety/aspergerish) and overly sensitive open heart guy who can't ignore the fact that this lovely woman has chosen to come spend her time trying so hard to be noticed, when she's already noticed, and now just has to look at me and ask me "whats your name?" instead its "surprise! i want you to want me, so want me. NOW"

doesn't work so well when i'm mostly attracted to intelligence, wisdom, sensitivity, perspective, maturity . . . immediate write-off and it SUCKS because i also know it's not truly their fault, there's just a looooooot of gender misinformation out there.

 

Then I was mistaken. Sorry, it happens sometimes

:smilielol5: In this case I understand how irritating this must be for you. Do women really do this? It sounds so desperate...

Actually no, I don't expect men to always hit up on someone. I don't really expect much from people I don't even know. I found that it makes my life much easier.

I am being honest. I'm sure you could write something that applies to me. It's just that the things you mentioned don't.

Yes, that's true. I didn't think of that before and I agree.

 

sorry, women merely standing in your eyeline irritate you because you suspect they're playing games with you?

sorry but that post sounded kind of familiar:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KihpUEKi4TA"]Shutter Island (2/8) Movie CLIP - Could You Stop That? (2010) HD - YouTube

JK

 

OP, i thought you said you were not going to post about this anymore?

well, if it never feels right then you pretty much have to force yourself.

no, men like to have sex and they know that this is the only way.

taking turns smiling at each other seems like it wouldn't really get anyone anywhere.