Why do some women

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Bellfire01, Jan 11, 2005.

  1. Bellfire01

    Bellfire01 I'll say anything

    feel the need to tell another woman that she doesn't look right? I mean really, why do you have to walk up to some woman and tell her that her hair would look better short because she's older or that her clothes would look better on a thinner person? (Things like that.)
  2. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    because a lot of people have been brainwashed into thinking what is attractive. I hate that.
  3. Bellfire01

    Bellfire01 I'll say anything

    I know. I think it's bad enough when television is saying what's cute without having a stranger make comments. I hear women all complaining that some woman told them that they didn't look good. (The woman that tell people this don't look that good themselves so I think it's a misery loves company thing.
  4. Sera Michele

    Sera Michele Senior Member

    Ugh, well I can tell you that I don't do that. I'm a jeans and t-shirt kinda gal that doesn't like to spend more than 45 mins getting ready in the morning - and that includes my shower!

    One of the girls I work with is always telling me which colors would look better on me, where to shop for clothes, and what to do with my hair. It is pretty annoying, but I don't say much to her about it considering she is my boss, and I only work part-time so it isn't like I have to put up with it a lot. She thinks she is being nice.

    I don't know why they do it, maybe they are too wrapped up in image and have their priorities all screwed up. Or maybe mine are, who knows...
  5. seamonster66

    seamonster66 discount dracula

    Many females have told me over the years that there is this passive/aggressive pecking order that often exists within groups of women, especially at work or other organized activities like that....there is usually a queen bee type/attention whore type who asserts dominance through gossiping, or making condescending comments about other's looks etc.

    It sounds like a more mental version of what men, or teenage boys do
  6. Super_Grrl

    Super_Grrl Crazy love

    Let's face it folks, women just like to take down the competition. Women who do that aren't actually trying to be helpful....they're lowering your self esteem, or at least trying to.
  7. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    I think it is rooted in problems with self esteem. Those who take too much time on their appearance, hair, body weight ect, seem to feel challenged and or threatened by other womyn who do well without being obsessed by these things. (I've heard "You are in your 40s, your hair is too long, and why don't you dye the gray out?" "My head, my hair and I don't give a shit?" Is that a good answer? Some are threatened by the fact that I am not miserable, poor, uneducated, bankrupt, ect just because I don't live up to their status quo? I don't really know.)

    Just say NO to facist beauty standards!!!!

    On Seinfeld, the men were talking about beating up the smaller guys in school and Elaine didn't say anything. When one of the men asked her "Did you do that in school?" She replied, "No we just picked on one girl until she developed an eating disorder." Sad.

    One interesting question. WHO are these womyn doing all this hair, face and body work for? My dh says most men couldn't care less about make up or "fixed" hair on a womyn. He thinks they do it for other womyn. I don't know if I agree with that, as I certainly don't. (but I do agree that a good number of men, although not all probably don't notice womyn who put incredible effort into their appearence, at least not the ones I like LOL)

    Doing all this work for the small number of other womyn and a couple of men who are obsessed with appearance? Waste of time IMO.
  8. Sera Michele

    Sera Michele Senior Member

    All I have to say to that is, if a man isn't attracted to me because I don't spend 2 hours in front of the mirror each morning then I don't want him anyways!

    I do get insecure occasionally because I don't wear the most trendy clothes or gob makeup all over my face each morning, put $200 a month into my hair, etc...but my hubby always makes me feel better when he reminds me that if I was like that then we never woulda got together in the first place!

    But it is weird how other women can make me feel sometimes (without even saying anything), like I am ugly or unattractive because I don't look fit for TV. But even feeling that way I can't bring myself to slip into a tiny skirt and blazer and get up at 5am to put on all this extra makeup. Don't get me wrong, I like to look nice, but I don't care to obsess over it.
  9. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    Leaviong out shampoo, I don't think I have spent that much on my hair in an entire decade! LOL.

    I totally agree with you, Sera.
  10. ihmurria

    ihmurria fini

    I don't really understand why chicks do that either... I've had a couple comments about maybe I should try pencilling my eyebrows with a darker colour than my natural (I dye my hair red but I'm naturally a very light blonde) but I felt like it was a genuinely constructive comment from the one chick. The other one has some issues with her appearance, confidence, and feeling threatened by other women (my good friend used to work with her, so I'm not making this up!)

    I mean... sometimes people do make some seriously hideous choices for their outfits. I keep about 99% of the comments in my head, but for some truly atrocius mistakes (not necessarily the specific person's mistake, just one that happens way too much... like ugg boots with jeans tucked into them, icky) and my friends and I grumble about how awful it is. But I wouldn't ever say it to their face, or try to be mean about it. If someone asked me for their opinion, I'd try to be as truthful as I could without hurting them, n'est pas?
  11. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    When someone ASKS for you opinoin, that is a totally different story! There is nothing wrong with being truthful there.

    I think yer purty, ihmurria, blonde eye brows and all!
  12. That hair thing is an idiotic myth. Actually, long hair makes you look younger. Ever notice that most of the "older" women of Hollywood-Goldie Hawn and Susan Sarnadon are good examples-wear their hair at least the their shoulders. Long hair=youth and vibrance.
  13. ArtLoveMusic

    ArtLoveMusic Senior Member

    I dont care how i dress... sometimes i wish i could feel comfortable in make up and a skirt without feeling slutty... idont wear makeup because i feel worse about myself when i do... same with skirts that are shorter than my ankles.

    I also have hairy armpits and hairy legs and dont do my bikini line... now this is all good and fine now its winter but i havnt experianced the brunt of summer like it yet... swimming is going to be quite uncomfortable for me and i really wish it woudlnt be. armpit hair i dont mind but i want to feel comfortable with me being natural, its a lot harder to break the socially acceptable bounderies than i origionally thought.

    Luckily my boyfriend doesnt mind that im hairy..i ask him if he thinks im no longer sexy and he tells me im just as sexy as ever, tells me he loves me the way i am and that helps so so much in me being comfortable with being me :) **heres to the good guys!!!** **applauds**
  14. Hey! I wear makeup and do my hair everyday, but I don't act snotty to people who don't. I do it for myself.
  15. I shave all those parts but I wish I was brave enough to not have to. Especially my bikini line. Ever had that sucker waxed? Not fun!
  16. ArtLoveMusic

    ArtLoveMusic Senior Member

    Hehe no but i use to pluck it myself :S nah im not bothered about that generally its just in a bikini i think id be a bit self concious at first.. however i know i have an ok personality and a socially accepted body shape so that kind of is in my favour but still being hairy will make comments fly :(
  17. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    VNgirl, I have NO problem with womyn who do their hair and wear makeup at all! I wear the stuff on my face once in a while, too. We were talking about those who get obsessed with telling others they look awful if they don't. You are doing it for yourself, I was NOT refering to that. I, too, put on a little lipstick and eyeliner once in a while, because I want to, no other reason.

    We were discussing those who give "unwanted advice" on dressing make up ect, when it was not solicited.

    When I was a teen ager, though, I was actually afraid to leave the house without make up on. I was, like 17, what was I afraid of? Being pregnant, and being more involved with my body as a useful tool, and not just something for men to look at cured me of the "can't leave the house without eyeliner and blusher" syndrome. I wasn't really doing for MYSELF,though, I was just a teen who wanted approval.

    Of course, also, if you work in corporate America, wearing and dressing "appropriately" is a must if you want to advance, and sometimes, if you need to support yourself or others, it is worth it.

    A grown womyn who wears make up to please herself is in a different category. She is not a kid who needs approval. Different story. I didn't mean to diss you VNgirl, not at all.

    I have no prob with make up, as long as you are happy with it.
  18. ZePpeLinA

    ZePpeLinA Jump around!

    This is quite an interesting topic...
    I'm not into fashion or make up or the latest trends....I dont now why but I dont feel the need to look like everyone else, I just like to look nice, which includes being comfortable and feeling at ease with my own body.
    Sadly I wasnt always this comfortable with my looks and often found myself feeling so ugly and with low self-esteem....I realised i did like myself because I could see how easy it is for me to get ready in the morning, or find clothes that I like, because I just go to second hand shops and buy stuff that I like, not clothes that everyone wears...so i guess that means I'm original, special in some way...

    back to the original questions...i've had plenty of people telling me that i should dress like this, like that, that i should wear more make up, that i should show a little more skin..etc etc...fortunately, people like my mum have been very supportive of how i decide to dress and she always says that she likes my style because i dont look like a cheap whore (my words, not hers) nor am i using my body to attract people
    however, in the past i recall many women telling me really offensive things, like why i didnt use padded bras cos my tits were so small that i looked like a boy with a black top on.

    anyway, i just say FUCK THEM. we should feel happy that we're not sheep.
  19. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member


    I totally agree. Hell, my razor is in storage until spring. (And I don't use it too much then, either.........)
  20. Bellfire01

    Bellfire01 I'll say anything

    I'm Ms Natural. I have more hair under my arms than I do on my legs and arms combined. (If you shave it then it will grow.) I shaved the bottoms of both my arms once as a teen and that's where the hair ison my arms. (I've done the bottom more than once and that's where the hair is there.) I wish I'd never shaved under my arms. (I had no hair and then I decided to shave it and now I have a Don King under there.)

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