Why are women becoming the more promiscuous??

You know, I read a similar metaphor in a paper yesterday about gender relations in India.

'A man is like a diamond and if he get's dirty can be washed off. A girl is like a scarf, and if she is dirty she is ruined forever.'

Much of what you said is based on that patriarchal dichotomy of the spoiled vs the pure. Sex with love is better. But that doesn't mean that all other sex is pointless. You know what I find the point to be? Climaxing.

Good for the mind and the body.

If you don't find that to be the case, that's fine. I'm not insinuating you're a misogynist. But I think the value judgments are based on social morals rooted in patriarchy.

 

Let's go back some---when I was in high school there was no pill. That's a biggie. There was no internet. Biggie again. Women did not hitchhike,get tattoos,swear(that I heard) ,did not live with men unless married(few exceptions,I'm sure.) When becoming pregnant,marriage was almost a sure thing to follow(I know personally!) TV was just spreading in the early 50s and the actors could not be in the same bed in a bedroom scene. Could not SAY the word pregnant on TV. Most girls still wore 1 piece bathing suits. Girls or women did NOT call men on the phone.On and on. There was quite the sexual drought for all of us oldies back then. I'll quote the hologram in THX-1138----"It happened so slowly,most men didn't even realize it was happening". I find it a pleasure and refreshing that women and girls can be so open now. It's difficult if not impossible for youngins' to realize how constricted society was and how much has changed.

 

But STD's aren't more rampant in the past. They've been slowly declining.

Traditionally conservative societies have much higher incidences of sexually transmitted diseases largely because of failing to inform the public.

http://www.avert.org/std-statistics.htm

 

I forgot to add--to be thought of as gay back then was to be just about ostrasized and ruined careers. Johney Ray was a big time singer in the early 50s and when it was discovered he was gay--DONE. I'm not naive enough to think gays have it easy now--but a gay pride parade!! Hell,they'da been shot down in the streets!! I had some gay female friends in SF in '58 and witnessed them being hauled off to jail for wearing men's clothing in a bar.

 

if women are becoming more promiscuous, why are all the guys posting on every masturbation thread out there? LOL, you'd think they'd all be getting some from these newly promiscuous women!

i don't think chicks are any more promiscuous than they ever have been, they're just being more vocal about it

 

The important question is why does everyone else gets angry about sex

Its all about denial.

For the guys, its all comes down to performance anxiety

For the girls, there arent enough guys around that can perform properly

 

That's fucking terrible, and it definitely wasn't what I was getting at.

Obviously you can't ever go back to being a virgin, and everyone is allowed to make mistakes... but when you keep making the same mistake over and over... or when you feel like you need to have lots of sex because that's the only way people will pay attention, or when you're doing it because you're bored, etc... then something is probably wrong.

Climaxing is never the point-- if sex was all about the climax, then why not just jerk off?? Better yet, jerk off while massaging your prostate... you'll cum ten times harder.

No, most of the time sex is about conquest, or boredom, or degradation, or destruction or whatnot. If you don't care about the person you're with, what the fuck are you even doing with them? And I'm not saying I'm above this either just that it's fucked up and it doesn't have to be this way.

You know, even if it does seem like I'm propagating archaic notions, that doesn't mean that patriarchy was ever as absolute as some people seem to think it was, or that guys are the only ones who don't find it appealing when someone is always sleeping around. And just because you start questioning the spirit/proponents of certain social values, it doesn't make them less of a good idea... so what, you're going to sleep around because you want to rebel against patriarchy? You're going to do drugs because 'the man' doesn't want you to? Are you a spoiled little baby throwing a tantrum here?

At some point it becomes less about your own choice and more about whose 'side' you're on... and that's when it becomes dangerous, because it stops being about you and starts being about some abstract concept that is never quite real... and can easily be manipulated in order to get you to buy certain things, or go to certain places, or think certain thoughts.

Once you've separated things into sides and choose one as your own, you officially become a slave, end of story. Whether you're on the left or the right, it doesn't make you any less of a slave. You start questioning your own urges and your own intuition and you end up forcing yourself to do things because your head tells you it 'fits' into that mass-produced image of whoever you think you are. You stop listening to your heart and you start listening to the TV/Internet.

I guess if you want to have lots of sex then that's your own business and good for you, but I don't think you can expect everyone else to agree with you or find that attractive... or think that it's amazing, or envy you, or tell you that you're a rebel and true champion of women's rights, or feed your ego any more undeserved quote unquote respect than it has already been fed.

To be honest, I think there are a lot of young people out there who understand that they don't need to have sex in order to be respected, or to be cool, or whatever... and it's kind of nice that that's the case. Better yet, it has absolutely nothing to do with being a slave to any kind of ideology or pressure or 'if you want to save yourself for marriage then you are a fucking Christian scumbag and you probably like Glenn Beck and you will never tell me what to do LOLOLOLOLOL'.

I think it's important to realize that sex is not just some cool trendy thing that sort of goes hand in hand with having a Hendrix poster on your wall or listening to the latest trashy pop singer using her sex appeal to sell records... and there are sooooooooooooo many other things in life that will leave you feeling more satisfied and generally positive about yourself.

End rant.

 

I agree that this was what was. Like it or not it still in many ways applies today. We are all products of what we know and are comfortable with.

There is a double standard around even now with regards to women and sexual freedom. It has come a long way but I do not think it is ever going to not be there. The party girl is great while at the party but she is not usually the one who you want to take home and keep.

Ever notice how no one admits they are dating a total slut? That is who you just dumped or your friend is dating.

 

Disappointed with boring Midwestern guys and keep trying yet another?

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Go Heywood! I agree with just about everything you've said =)




It's getting to the point where a lot of guys I know don't even care much about sex anymore. I don't know if it's 'the thrill of the hunt' being taken away or if it's just nasty to them -- but a lot of my single friends have been dropping out of the game and focusing on jobs or drugs =P
And then there's the ones that are loving the way things are of course..

 

I don't know about you, but nothing turns me on more than a girl who lays on her back like a dead fish and says 'you'd better be good', and then blames the guy when the sex is bad. That's so totally hot.

How is anyone supposed to get turned on if they're sleeping with someone who doesn't care who you are and is basically treating you like the sexual equivalent of an i-pod?

Seriously... and why is it always up to the guy to make everything be awesome? Are you saying that all girls are totally amazing at sex all the time? Or their whole function in the sexual dynamic is to play the passive critic, to allow themselves to be the object and 'be fucked' as opposed to actually 'fucking'?

If you actually mean something to each other, it won't be an issue, and if it is, chances are you'll be open enough to talk to each other about it.

Personally, I think the people who advocate being extremely free and casual about sex are in denial about how boring and empty they are... so they just make themselves really slutty and fuck until they don't care anymore.

I'm not even angry at sex... I'm angry at the people who think it's the solution to all of their problems, or think that anyone who doesn't want to be a total whore is somehow missing out... and to be honest, the people who think this way aren't cool or unusual or special or attractive, they're mostly just boring uncreative people who don't really have anything else in their lives.

 

Cheers.

Yeah... I hear you. I think the big thing now is that it's too much work and not enough reward. And as traditional gender roles died out, men and women need each other less and less. So men are no longer providers and women are no longer homebodies... everyone is both. Even parenting nowadays seems to be more like a burden than a natural fact to a lot of people. So what the hell do we need each other for? Companionship? Leisure? Assurance? Status? Maybe status.

You have to fight and preen and parade and impress only to find out that you don't even really like the girl... and anyway, she'd probably rather pretend to fall for the headgames of some manipulative arshole so she can have no-strings-attached sex with someone more willing to move in for the kill. Even worse, most people are growing too stupid and distracted and just generally consumption-minded to ever really think about what they're doing... or to even treat each other as anything more than a potential source of pleasure. It's dehumanization at its finest, and it's happening more and more rapidly (except maybe in more isolated communities).

 

sometimes i feel this way too. i used to be very promiscuous. granted i love sex, but the amount and number of partners was really to fill a lonely void. now, i'd rather have no sex, than casual sex.

 

That's me in a nutshell. People make fun, I don't give a shit.

 

But I do masturbate. With vigor.

I don't sex is about degradation, destruction, and shame to most people. They have sex for pleasure.

When I date someone it's because I like them and find them attractive. Not every relationships a love match, but I don't think that's fucked up.

The reason people don't find it appealing is the ingrained social construct to look on people who've been taken before as spoiled goods. I am questioning the value of that.

Teens don't sleep around know because they're rebelling against the man, or because Britney Spears said it was a good idea. Teens are having sex because they've always been having lots of sex. Long before you were born, and long after you die.

I think the problem is less about oversexualized society, I think it's the intense dichotomy of the messages they get. They get oversexed messages censored and ubiquitous, and within a few steps they're reminded by everyone those oversexed people are acting like prostitutes or are going to hell.

It makes people neurotic about something as natural as sex.

Actually I'd appreciate it if people would mind their own fucking business.

Agreed. If someone out their is having sex for acceptance, they're having it for the wrong reason. I don't think peoples self esteem should be based on their sex life.

No. Sex isn't a trend. It's one of a few basic desires that helps drive out entire existence. It becomes a trend when people are sent a double message by a society which is neurotic about sex because of deeply ingrained message of a patriarchal social institution. People don't understand the difference between entertainment and pleasure.

Sex isn't the only thing in life. But it doesn't have to be something that makes people question their value to society if they explore a bit. Neurotic.

 

I have not read any replies but here are my thoughts.

Women are becoming more promiscuous becase 95% of men are total weenies and do not understand how to satisfy a woman.

Therefore the girl gets nothing out of having sex with a lame loser and dumps him like a rock and tries to find a real lover.

When she does find the right dynamic in bed, she will stick with him and if he wants loyalty, she will give loyalty.

Personally I do not think people have changed one bit about being promiscuous.

 

let's get one thing straight, most women don't have orgasms from intercourse. so, sex is most likely about more than just a nut for us.

 

It's about the closeness. Knowing that there's someone who knows you better than anyone else. Someone who you want to make feel as good as they make you feel because you love them.

I will admit, I've been a little promiscuous in the past (In fact, I gave it up to my bf, the love of my life, on the first date), but once you find that someone you can share an intimate bond with it becomes more than just fucking. It becomes an emotional bond that fulfills your sexual and emotional needs.

I don't necessarily think women are becoming more promiscuous as much as they are becoming aware of the fact that it's okay to express their own sexual desires. Unfortunately, some women take this to much to heart and think this gives them the right to fuck everything that moves.

 

Yes, I dont believe the bullshit that in times past that cheating was less common or morals any different

When some one says something like "Back in the 50s it wasnt like this", well wasnt like this in public. As for in private, who knows

For all we know, back when things were more hush hush, there may have been a higher incidences or rape, pedophilia, bisexuality, cheating wives or husbands

Then theres urbanisation, easier to cheat in a big city than a small town where everybody knows your business. Whos to say a married woman in the 1920s in New York was less likely to cheat on her husband than a married woman today living in Nowhereville Iowa

Paternity testing might have put a dent in the number of cheating wives

And with porn so freely available today, whos to say guys dont collectively spend more time jerking off than pursuing sexual contact

I dont believe in Jesus's day or in the 1950s or in modern day Iran rates of adultery were really any different, and no ones going to know if they were

 

You use the word closeness there, but from the outside to others it may look its more about security or being with a guy thats not going to objectify you

You talk about emotional bond there, but how much does it have to do with the fact that girls are more reliant on how a guy performs than the other way round, and thus it may be harder for the girls to find a guy thats going to get things working from the start. Or it takes a litle longer for them to train a guy to get things working

Is it really about that or is it just simply that the girls with the highest libidos are the ones that fuck everything that moves.


People say a lot of stuff that sounds like cliches that they say over and over and hear over and over, even though it may not be the primary motivation, in the mixing pot of emotions they may not even be aware of the primary motivation themselves. Thus it gets reinforced to themselves and others as one thing when its really about another.

Girls say stuff like its all about emotional connection, love etc. BUt they do have a tendency to go more so for the alpha males or the wealthy and powerful. How does the security factor really rank with that.

The others guys see an alpha male that gets more than usual attention from the ladies he gets a new girlfriend thats really hot, and they assume its about muscles or a big dick, then stress about the size of their dick. Other average girls see that and are going to think its cos she's skinny, and stress about their body image. Other hot girls see it, and they are going to think its more about security / protection. Girls with high libidos see it and are going to think its all about his size and stamina. Other alpha males see it and might think its more about love than sex cos they know he has a lot more options for sex than love.

Just because you use words like closeness, even though you might believe it, and that may indeed be the case, doesnt mean everyone else is going to see it that way

From my perspective, the security thing seems to be a bigger influence with the girls than they even they seem to realise, and it seems to be a thing most guys dont factor in cos they dont live in a world where most are people are a lot bigger