Why am I so sexually different from other women?

Discussion in 'Sexual Health' started by Orsba, Aug 10, 2013.

  1. Orsba

    Orsba Guest

    Hi, I've been dealing with this issue since I started my sex life, 6 years ago. I don't feel a thing when I have sex, I feel the penis inside me but NO pleasure AT ALL ! I've read a lot about it and everybody says it's normal, that many women experience this but I want a cure or something :(

    Apart from that, when I'm with a man in bed, I can't have sex if I don't like him a lot or if I know he can't be mine because of other reasons. I mean, I feel aroused if a man touches me, but if he can't be my boyfriend, I just can't let myself go and have sex with him. I wish I was more physical but my mind won't let me explore my body. The only way I can have sex with someone is if he is my boyfriend and I like him. I've had sex in the past with men I didn't quite like and it left me feeling empty. No emotional fulfilment. I wish I could have sex without feelings and feel great. I envy people who feel pleasure when having sex. Maybe if I had felt pleasure, I would be more open to have sex with men I am not together with.

    I hear people saying sex is great etc etc. but I can't feel the same way about it :( I barely enjoy it. I get aroused and wet but I never fully get involved in it. I always am tense :( I don't know if this is frigidity but do you have any advice? Have you been through similar situations? I don't feel like a woman anymore :(
  2. TheSamantha

    TheSamantha Member

    Re: lack of pleasure, it's the man's fault. Your pleasure comes before his. Make it a priority. You might be dealing with the wrong types of guys whose dicks aren't big enough. It should bump against the cervix which has sensitive nerves on it, which is what gives me pleasure during intercourse.

    Re: boyfriends, I would venture to say that most women don't feel comfortable having sex with someone who they aren't in a relationship with. That's natural. It's a trade-off. I can have sex with a stranger but it makes me sensitive to the double standard and slut-shaming.
  3. scratcho

    scratcho Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Wrong men. And that ^
  4. foresting

    foresting Member

    everyone experiences sex differently! you're normal!
    for me, I need clit stimulation to have an orgasm. just a penis won't do much on its own! it feels great, but I can't orgasm. its actually a smaller percentage of women who can orgasm from PIV sex alone, most need clit stimulation.

    everyone is slightly different down there. i would however suggest exploring your own body and getting more familiar with yourself before letting someone else do so. you have to love yourself and your body to feel comfortable enough to have sex in my opinion

    and about the boyfriend thing, that makes sense. you want a connection, not just casual sex. there is nothing wrong with that either.

    much love
  5. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

    Why do you want to have sex with people who you don't like a lot, or are unavailable to you?
  6. KingWilly

    KingWilly Member

    Where to start...

    First off I'm having trouble understanding why you would be in bed with a guy you don't like or is unavailable. This just doesn't make sense to me. Sure there may be times early in the relationship when you're not ready just yet and you cuddle in bed or make out, but I fail to understand why you would be in that position in the first place with someone you didn't like or was unavailable...

    Secondly I think Samantha could have a point, but I wouldn't instantly jump to that conclusion. Yes there are many asshole guys who just care about themselves rather than pleasing the lady, and also it's not like guys just know how to have good sex when they are young, it's not like we're given a manual or anything...

    However it does sound to me like there are some deeper issues here which could be contributing to this just based of a few key things you've said, and for which I'm making some assumptions... My "guess" is that you may either be strongly religious, or possibly have it ingrained in your head that sex or pre-marital sex is bad or wrong. You might have some cognitive dissonance that's preventing you from being able to enjoy sex. Again I'm just guessing as you sound like you're having an inner struggle.

    In the end I'm not a woman so I can't really say what it feels like for a woman having have sex. For a guy I can say that having sex feels good similar to how a massage feels good. But at some point it starts feeling good in a different way as you approach having an orgasm and at that point it builds and builds until you have one. But prior to that it's more the act of having sex, the thrill of having sex, the closeness of having sex that "feels good." I hope this makes some sense. So if it's anything similar for a woman than it just may be that you just haven't yet entered that "entering the orgasm" stage ever. And that can be do to a lot of reasons. It could be bad partners, the fact that you're not emotionally attached to your partner which is causing some cognitive dissonance anxiety. It could be because you're afraid of getting pregnant or disrespecting your family or God. Or you could simply just be a tough nut to crack and don't easily have orgasms.

    Questions / advice I would have for you is do you have orgasms from oral sex? My wife claims she never had an orgasm from sex until she met me although she had from oral stimulation. I used to think she was appealing to my ego but years later I've come to realize she doesn't cum easily with sex, and it's only really one position she can cum in. So I really think you should stop thinking there's something physically wrong with you. However that said, again I do think you may have some other mind factors you should acknowledge or look deeper into. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex with a guy if you're not emotionally into him. Most woman need emotional commitment with a guy in order to become aroused or want to have sex, whereas most guys could have sex with a tree if it had a nice looking hole in it. So I think its more a matter of your inability to get into sex has to do more with your feeling pressured into having to do it or the fact that there's so much emphasis on it in the first place. Nobody is forcing you to have sex with guys you're not emotionally involved with and obviously your mind is telling you its wrong to have sex with guys just for the sake of having and or enjoying sex. So in the end my advice is stop worrying about sex so much, find guys you like and have fun with. If they get to pushy regarding sex and you're not ready then let them know. If they walk then they walk. If they really like you and are good guys, they'll stick around and if you like them you'll get that emotional commitment, ease up and hopefully start enjoying things when they do get physical.

    Good luck
  7. Bilby

    Bilby Freerangertarian Staff Member Lifetime Supporter Super Moderator

    Have you ever tried being spanked?

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