I have 2 poems that I wrote and I'm looking for some feedback. Which one do you like better? Daily Exercise Breathe In Darkness Blackness Breathe Out Empty the mind This is the path Breathe In Look within yourself Explore every dark corner Breathe Out Stillness Calmness Breathe In A thousand and one thoughts flash by Back to days long past Breathe Out Memories come pouring in Most happy Breathe In Some sad Thinking of her Breathe Out A flood of emotion The spark when you first saw her Breathe In The confusion when you couldn’t communicate The relief when you learned how to Breathe Out Summer came You thought about her often Breathe In Summer passed Would she remember you? Breathe Out She walked into class Sat in front of you Breathe In But does she remember? She turned and smiled at you Breathe Out Yes She remembered Breathe In You enjoyed the fall The love Breathe Out The passion The countless afternoons together Breathe In The English lessons The Asian sweets Breathe Out You both knew you couldn’t be discovered You were both nervous when you were discovered Breathe In Would it all change? Yes Breathe Out The fateful afternoon She ran into your arms crying Breathe In “I’m moving to Boston” You felt your heart break Breathe Out You refused to accept it You put a blade to your wrist Breathe In A year passed The pain has not left Breathe Out You now focus on the path Enlightenment is attainable Breathe In This is your daily exercise Clear your mind Breathe Out Cleanse your soul Walk the path Breathe In Open your eyes Pull out from your trance Breathe Out Today’s session is complete Forbidden Love We were from different worlds Spoke different languages Were raised with different values Controlled by different systems Complete strangers to each others Why did we fall in love? How could we fall in love? We did anyway We were torn apart from each other Our love was forbidden We shouldn’t have been surprised We were Where was God? Where was Allah? Where was Buddha? Where was Gaia? Where was Ganesh? Nowhere to be found.
