When you know someone who "SHOULD" be gay...

My mother and I were having an interesting discussion the other night as we sat in Provincetown, watching the couples go by.

I wonder how many people actually are gay who "just don't know it." My mom was remarked how, now that I've obviously gotten her back into the whole GLBT culture - she was quite a fag hag in the seventies, apparently, and also an active feminist - there are some things she just doesn't understand. Like what exactly makes a person gay? If a "gay" person is in a happy, albeit not sexually or emotionally thrilling, marriage with three children b/c of societal pressures...not in denial, really, but unaware altogether...is that person gay?

I think other lesbians especially will get what I mean when I say this:

I know there are no universal characteristics when it comes to figuring out someone's sexuality, but there's something in some women...you just know. It couldn't be anything else. You just KNOW SHE'S A DYKE. Her eyes, the glint in them, her expression, the movement of muscles in her face. Little things. And when those are there, and you're close enough to her to know she doesn't seem to be in any state of denial...it's so weird...

Anyone get what I mean?

 

i do!! i love that. i love that with some women you just know. they have this self-assured, down to earth, soul thing going on... and its in their eyes...

im glad im a dyke! theres nothing i would rather be than a lesbian (i hope im not offending anyone here). its just that women have this beautiful connection, and lesbians just see it. i think we've had this conversation before...
i dont know what makes anyone gay. but i know when i see it in women.

 

yeah...i'm not even sure what i mean about the whole thing


for example

i just checked my email or whatever...this one particular woman, who i've long had a crush on, will fucking write me an email that's so dykey i crack up out loud. i mean she's had boyfriends, not that it matters much, but the fact that anyone could think her at all straight is kinda hysterical to me! every single thing about her, the subtleties and the class stereotypes (this woman, who is way older, was a star rugby player at yale, dresses butch, listens to shit like team dresch)...classic.

she's a family friend. i see her like every three years. it's a weird connection.

 

If you're sexually attracted to members of the same sex, you're gay or bisexual. If you're not, you're not.


Being weak and sensitive doesn't make a man a fag, and being strong and tough doesn't make a woman a lesbian.

 

i know.


i'm not talking about being tough or strong.

i have no fucking idea what i'm rambling about.

 

i know exactly what you mean...

the guy i'm... "with" right now... i saw it in him... and when i finally had the courage to say something, he didn't respond well.. and then finally he came around to me and said that he can feel it, he just doesn't know what it is, or what to do with it...

and months later, we're together.
and happy...

 

For some reason, the term "gaydar" comes to mind. It's the only way I can describe it. I also seem to know when a guy is gay or not, even ifhe doesn't seem to fit a stereotype. It's a bit harder for me to figure out some of the lesbians out there. Do you peeps find that this usually happens more with those of your gender and preference as opposed to those of the opposite sex?

 

yeah, it is easier with women for me. although i've never been wrong with a guy, and i was wrong a couple times with women.

i don't mean gaydar, either. although i guess it's gaydar. it's like when someone sets your really innate deep gaydar off REALLY strongly, and then they're married to the opposite sex...they still might be gay, it's not like "stupid, ya went on stereotypes." it's, "stupid, you're gay."