When you adore sex, but aren't promiscuous - what is there to do?

Hello everybody!

This is my first post here and I hope it's written in the right place.

I was browsing for a forum where I could safely vent for a bit about something I struggle with, when I found HF. Sincerely, at this point, any kind of input - whether is a piece of advice or a simple opinion - would be greatly appreciated.

As the title says, as much as I love sex, I am not promiscuous. I'll try to briefly describe my situation as good as I can, but I wanna start by saying that I don't believe being promiscuous is wrong, it just isn't for me.

Due to some past trauma/issues - please don't judge - I feel like I can't have sex with someone I can't trust. I have tried it in the past and it didn't turn out very fulfilling, it was always limited. For me, trust and intimacy allow me to freely experiment whatever I want, so they are something important, something I need to feel good.

Lately, I became very frustrated because I can't seem to find someone compatible. I live in a post-communist country (English isn't my first language, I'm sorry if I'm making mistakes), where men my age (30's) and older are, generally, closed-off sexually. Some are in the ”macho” category (rude, obnoxious, bragging & putting up a show they can't live up to), while others fall under the quiet, inexperienced category (something I'm not after).

Over the course of years I met a few wonderful men I had great sex with, so at least I know it's possible, but it's just been harder and harder to find someone who can mix kinky-ness with stableness (I hope that makes sense).

And now, this pandemic simply made things worse. I take care of some of my family members (who are old, with health issues and can't get a vaccine right now), and it seems like dating isn't worth the risk. Not that is possible atm, considering we are again under lockdown.

The thing is, I feel like I'm dying without sex. All day long I think about giving blowjobs, places where I could be having sex, doing anal and the list goes on and on and on.

Since I've been single, I tried a bit of dating, a bit of Tinder, a bit of everything (before the pandemic), but nothing turned out okay.

As I was saying, I tried to keep this short Thank you for reading.

 

I totally get it. I'm the same way. I can't just sleep with someone out of the blue. There needs to be some kind of connection. And build up of trust. Everyone needs some kind of intimacy rather it's with yourself or with someone.

I wouldn't stress about it. You are still young and you have plenty of time. Don't beat yourself up over it. When the time is right. You'll find someone

 

All I have to say is that only being able to really have fulfilling sex with someone you trust is not a bad thing. Yes, it will interfere with your needs and wants and I understand that struggle. For some, sex is just way better when you do have a strong bond for the other person. Having sex with someone your emotionally connected to just amplifies it.

 

I love sex as much or more than the next guy but I totally lose respect for someone who wants to sleep with me on the first date.

 

Me.

 

Ok, so you want sex, but you also want to trust and have a feeling of intimacy.

Does this mean that you only want a long-term relationship, or just regardless of how long the relationship is, you want sex, trust, and a feeling of closeness to your partner?

 

By description with in the writing venilla has had and likes more than vanilla sex. Could be she is addicted to sex and sexual situations. She isn't comfortable opening up her body and mind unless it is with someone she feels safe with. Feeling safe and secure with another person is real emotion that if satisfied allows you the freedom to express and enjoy yourself sexually. We all have that emotion but the extent to which we "feel safe" varies. For some it can border on paranoia. For others it's the opposite. That's why people who tend to be sexually adventurous may have a safe word which when used ceases the activity. Or have rules and boundaries to abide by in order to feel safe and secure with their sexual adventure. Venilla, you have rules you have set for yourself and you should live by them. It is frustrating to find other people who are as open about the way you have sex yet make you to feel safe. Especially when looking for that perfect partner. Being restricted with the pandemic doesn't help either. But know this. The perfect partner isn't out there. Look for someone who is close and embrace their faults. Life is not a "Hallmark" movie with always a happy ending. There is hope. You are only 30 something. That's a long way from the end given nothing unfortunate happens. Mr. "close the being right" is out there. Hopefully he'll make it to your bed soon.

 

Buy some toys & make some online video friends until that right one comes along. I think after this pandemic we’ll see an explosion in social life again.

 

I'm wondering if that's because it doesn't happen often? I guess that makes me promiscuous. At least I'm having fun.

 

Yeah I feel you. Want too be freaky without scaring people. Consent takes time. Promiscuity is an art I guess. Just hurries up consent.

 

They say you can't have a relationship on sex alone, but I would hate to have a relationship without sex. After living with my present and only wife for several years, and we both played around, we married and are still together.

The only bad thing I see (really wasn't bad) is most of the people our age were already married or committed to another. So reality is the older you get, the harder it will be to find Mr. Right. I hope this doesn't sound too negative, but I think you can still find true love at any age.

 

I'm in a situation that is not much different from yours lol. And yes, covid makes thing way worse than before and it was bad already.

 

Being with a lot of men or women for that matter doesn’t make you promiscuous it makes you sexually confident but trust and what not is very important for some people to connect. You will find that right person soon enough you just have to stop looking and eventually he will fall in your lap. Hopefully face first