When to tell her?

Simple question (sort of). At what point should I tell the girl I'm dating that I'm involved in the porn biz?

 

Let the evidence speak for itself...

 

Meaning...

 

Prior to any sexual contact, to include kissing. When would you want a woman to tell you?

 

It should have been the first time you talked about what you do for a living/fun.

 

Whenever she thought the relationship got to the point where she felt I needed to know.

 

What "involved"?
Actor, producer, production tech (e.g. camera man), retailer/site admin?

Would she be more concerned about diseases that you might have, techniques you expect from her, you seeing other naked women, your attitude towards women, or a feeling of general ickiness.

If her concern would be more on the medical level, tell her as soon as possible.

If her concern would be more about your character, give it long enough to know your real character (as opposed to her image of the industry), but not too long, lest you be seen as sneaky or lying by omission.

 

If it were me and I met a woman that was a porn actress, I'd want to know prior to any sexual contact. I didn't like kissing women when we'd first met for that very reason: I don't know where their mouth has been. She may have just had a mouthful of swimmers a few hours ago. No thanks.

 

please, xxaru, you don't even live in chatsworth

 

How exactly are you involved in porn biz?
I think we would not be able to tell you when is it the right time ; ) It depends on the girl, on her values, on her intentions with you, how much does she share about herself. If she already shared intimate facts about herself, then you should have already told her as well.

 

Probably before she sees Gay Donkey Fucker Shit Eaters Vol 7

 

I've been involved in every way possible. Acting/performing, producing, and directing. I'm not doing the hardcore stuff anymore. Now I mostly shoot and produce Playboy style material, so nothing really for her to stress over. I'm not fucking the models.

 

Don't live in chatsworth, do not care

 

Tell her streght out , and show her a note form your Dr. that you are clean from any std s desert rat

 

Questions like this always make me wonder what the OP was thinking. Do you really think that in the future there will be a right time to tell her. You already know that you have deceived her. If you think the first date wasn't the right time why would you think any time after that would be. You know you should have told her upfront.

 

You're making a lot of false assumptions. I haven't deceived her. I have no reason to. She's aware of what I do now. I just haven't told her about my past involvement in the hardcore realm. I'm certainly not trying to hide it, but I disagree with your standards. I don't think you need to come out with something like that on a first date. And I wouldn't expect a girl to tell me she used to do porn on the first date either.

Of course if she inquired on the first date I'd tell her, but I don't believe a first date is when everyone should bring all their past history out of the closet. Would you expect a girl to tell you how many people she's slept with on a first date? I wouldn't.

 

Yes, you have deceived her. Lying by omission is still lying.

 

No, you can't lie by omission if the question is never asked! If I was bi-sexual, and my partner never asked me about my sexuality... the fact that I don't immediately come out and tell her about it doesn't mean I'm deceiving her.

Now if I ask a girl about her past sexual history, and she fails to mention that she used to work as an escort... then that would be lying by omission. Porn was a job for me. If a girl ask me what I do NOW, do you honestly feel I'm required to give her my entire work history (particularly on a first date)?

 

Everything this guy said.