when the pain is too great

one of my best friends recently hanged himself on the tenth and i didnt find out until the day of his funeral which oddly enough was valentines day the same day my gf finalized our breakup. i have been so twisted up abt this i just wish he wouldve called me b4 commiting suicide even tho we werent on the best terms he was still one of my best friends and if he told me wat was going on in his head i wouldve been their for him reguardless all i have left is his hat i have to ask his mom for some photographs. it just blows my mind that 2 weeks ago we were arguing like boys and now ill never talk 2 him again. he had a lot of problems with addiction and other psychological issues but nothing that couldnt be worked out. i just hate the fact that he felt he had no love... there were so many people crying at his funeral i would have been one more...i just cant imagine what his last thoughts were i know i was at least a part of them honestly its killing me just thinking abt it i just hope that noone ever commits suicide again which is a vain hope i know but no matter how bad life gets their IS someone out there waiting to extend a hand to those in need if you have the strength to seek it out

 

i lost a good friend to suicide. he didnt show any signs of depression or anything. he came over to our house to see me and his sister and we played video games and hung out. that was the last time i got to see him, he killed himself a couple days later at his house. i then realized that he had made a special visit to see us to actually say goodbye. it was really rough, because it was a total shock to everyone. he was only 17. he killed himself because he figured it was the only way out, apparently he was in some kind of trouble, i didnt get to read the note he left. i did help collect his things, and had to go into his room where he killed himself with a gun to the head, and they didnt even clean up the mess, they just threw a blanket on the floor. what i saw in that room has haunted me for nearly 8 years. its almost like we are made to automatically think of what we could of done to stop it and go through a process of "i should of done something, or saw it coming", but then you realize, sometimes theres nothing you could of done, but now just to keep your friend's memories alive. its hard, it hurts. ive been there. so sorry about your loss. talking about them with friends really helps alot.