When 'maybe' Starts To Sound Meaningless

So... My SO will not let me come in their mouth. Yeah, I know, it doesn't sound like that big a deal, right? Well, I've kinda gotten fixated on that in the recent past as something I've really wanted a lot. Now, of course this still shouldn't be *that* big a deal, right? Except that every time they have sucked my dick (which is just about every time we have sex, they like that a lot) they've mentioned it. It's usually either them bringing it up like 'too bad I got scared I was gonna let you come on my mouth tonight' or 'maybe later tonight I'll let you come in my mouth'. It's almost always them bringing it up. This has happened for at least the last 15 or 20 times we've had sex. Now, I've gotten to come in their mouth 0.5 times before (they hopped on my dick mid-orgasm and it felt like nothing basically) and that was a long while ago. What should I do? Am I justified in feeling as lied to and misled as I do? Is it reasonable to assume that 'maybe' really just means no at this point? Or am I just crazy and selfish about this?

 

Talk to them when you both have your clothes on. Ask them if they are hinting that they want to lose control and surprise them? Or are they unaware that "I almost did something that you would have liked" is kind of mean and insensitive.

Don't talk to us, talk to them.

BTW, you are completely justified in feeling any way that you want. Leaving it at that, i.e. feeling without telling the other one, might be insensitive and/or stupid, but you are allowed to feel what you feel.

 

I have talked to them a couple times, and every time it ends with both of us feeling shitty because they always say something like 'it's scary and I'm working on it' and when I ask them to just not say things like 'maybe tonight' or 'I almost did it' they say how they thought they could talk about anything and they feel unsafe and pressured and how that's not a healthy relationship dynamic. We both have ended up crying at the end of this conversation before. If you have any tips on how to make that not happen, I'd be very open to trying them but at this point I don't think there's anything I can think of that would make that conversation not end in a shitstorm.

*EDIT* They usually also say how this topic makes them feel 'not good enough' and how they've considered breaking up with me so I could 'find someone better' which is like, the opposite of how I feel about them.

 

Just blow your load in their mouth and take it from there.

 

Er... How about no.

 

By saying "maybe tonight" all the time, your partner is training you to not listen to what they say.

A relationship should be strong enough for the two of you to talk about anything. But if the talk leads to no resolution, (you still want to, they still don't) repeatedly talking about it isn't a sign of strength, its a sign of insecurity.

If you two were both felt secure in the relationship, then you disagreeing and moving on would be fine.
But bringing it up all the time, seeking approval from each other on this issue all the time seems to be a sign of insecurity.

 

They're not a boyfriend (gender neutral person, DFAB) but yes you're correct they haven't done this before.

 

I second the idea. :daisy: