When life gets too much... and your head feels like it might explode.... ....when clouds prevent thoughts from being seen. When life gets too much and reality slips through your fingers slowly like sand. When life gets too much and descisions, and questions and answers and moments, minds,thoughts,tears,hurt,love,happyness,pain and sorrow all join together in a harmonious silent scream in your mind.... what do you do? I say this because it happpens... and what can you do? You can meditate yet... but does it answer your problems or just sooth the journey. You can self harm and again... does it answer your problems or just sooth the journey. You can scream, kick, throw, bite, cry, shout, break, smash, and collapse... but still ... the cloud wont have gone. What do you do when u feel that maybe there is no answer? just let it flow? ... parheps run away in your mind and leave the thoughts to simmer like a small dieing animal in the desert sun. memories flash, future flies..... tears come, go,come,go,come,go,come,go,come,go,come,go.... and yet still somethings not quite right. The great white shark of life swims encased in the fishbowl of my mind and as insignificant in the whole scheme of things this is, in this moment, in this time, second,hour,day,week... its all as important as air. And now ive realised that these words have spilt .... did it help? did it sooth the journey or fix the problem... probably not... but damn it feels good to put it down... though there still is many more to come. sorry... i just felt like i needed to clear my head a bit... and i always feel i write freer when it goes on the forums.. where as if it sits on my computer or in a book...i just cant do it. thanks.
The only real healer is time. You have to accept that in the short term, there are no easy answers. Shouting and screaming... and yeah, even self-harm.... all help get the frustration out of your system briefly, and in that sense they're valuable tools (even self-harm.... I have this controversial opinion that it ain't as bad as internalising things!). But don't expect miracles. Whatever you feel, the important thing is to accept those feelings, and to try and understand them. Don't shut them away or try and ignore them. In the long run, just being willing to be honest with yourself will allow your subconscious to do a lot of the healing for you. But it takes time. I remember being very unhappy as a teenager and in my very early twenties. I remember feeling so low that I just couldn't imagine how I could ever be in another place. And now, I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. I feel truly content and at peace with myself. How did I get here? Haven't got a fucking clue! But there's the thing..... if I didn't consciously change myself, then it must have happened subconsciously. That, to me, suggests that the real trick is just facilitating the healing..... allowing your brain to do the hard work while you're not looking. So long as you don't stand in its way, you'll be fine. That's where the honesty and introspection comes in. You need to understand yourself as far as you're able if you want to allow healing to take place. Although sometimes understanding isn't even important - just being willing to ask the questions is enough. But always keep your eye to the future. Hurt and pain are transient. They pass with time. However difficult it is to visualise a future where you've grown beyond the chains that bind you now, it will almost certainly come to pass. So long as you face your hurt head-on and don't run away from it. Good luck!
hey Thanks for that Doc. Just so you know i DONT self harm it was just a comment. Ummm i know what u mean because i have been in the past very very down with life, and i did go down a lot of roads i never want to see again. But now i am over all so much more of a person, but it just means when i DO feel down...i really do because its such a blow to the system. I mean ur right and hurt ihave will fade, but gthe guilt and knowing ive caused any pain to otehrs... that wont. thats whats getting m. Thanks man.,.i didnt really expect any replies...i just wanted to talk.
That was a really emotional and beautiful piece of writing, I could feel the heart in it and that makes it important. What you wrote is how I often feel, but we have to take in the fact that ten minutes, ten days, or may be a couple of months after the day in which we are feeling so glum, we may be caught by a magical situation of delight and sparkling eyes. I live for the times when animals and people around me are made happy, and those emotions are catching. Like DoctorAtomik said, time takes things onwards. Every single event in life happens along a path, helping to bring in the good moments too... To me, knowing that is like a reassuring hug. Love, Peace, Joy, HOpe, Trust, Peace and Freedom... Always - Sunshine Lily xxx
Fuck that shit. Life's too short. All guilt does is screw you up. It's not a constructive emotion. It doesn't change anything or make you a better person. It all comes down to intent. If you don't intend to cause hurt, that's the important thing. We're all human and we all fuck up. Emotions are delicate things, and as sure as the sun rises in the morning, we'll end up hurting people at points in our lives. So long as we struggle not to.... so long as we try and learn from our mistakes.... then there's no place for guilt. The very fact that you care about whether you hurt others elevates you above a need to feel guilty. The irony is that the people who cause the most hurt are the very ones who'll never feel guilty about it. I've hurt people in the past. Do I feel guilty? No. Do I feel regret? Yes. Do I wish I'd done things differently? Yes. But I also know that in the grand scheme of things, what happened happened for a reason. The pain I have caused may have been the lesson that the other person needed to learn. Who am I to say whether it was right or wrong in the scheme of their lives? Looking back on the pain that others have caused me, I know that it's also what shaped me. And I'm happy. So should they feel guilty about it? No. Most things that happen happen for a reason. We do the best we can in any situation, and that's all we can do. All the regret in the world doesn't change that, and if we were dealt the same hand again, we'd play it the same way. These things are inevitable. They're waypoints on the path of life. Have regrets. Learn from your mistakes. But move forward. Guilt just holds you back. If you don't expect perfection from others, then don't expect it from yourself.
PS. Look what you've gone and done! You're ruining my reputation for dry sarcasm and cold-heartednes. Now there's something to feel guilty about!
hehe i must say actually Doc in person u suprised me by how cuddly you look when on here you do seem quite sarcastic Thanks very much for everything you said... i know ur right but... i cant help but eat myself up a bit about things.. i guess its just who i am.. i know life will go on. And sunny my dear sweet sunny *hugs* i miss you. ..thanks everyone.
I pray- and when it's SO bad I can't pray- I ask someone else to pray FOR me. I'm praying for you now if that's ok. I had such a very bad time at 17...was getting beat up regularly by someone I loved. I'm around here on and off...pm me if you want to chat private...
Thank you very much everyone. Ummmm if i had a faith to prey to i would, but thank you for your prayers And i know this will pass its just a glitch on the lense of time but its hurdel i hate having to jump ah well *breathes deep* smile everyone for me and yourself
**hugs** namaste, love and light x x x ps words sometimes are not needed if i was there with you id hug you so thats what i mean by this post....darn 10 word limit...grrrrrr
